Sorry, I'm Gay (3/35?)
Sorry, I'm Gay
Let's Do Lunch
"... and so, when I heard that Uncle Rupert had finally opened up shop here, I packed up and left a note to Mum and came here right away." Spike paused long enough for a drink of his soda. Angel sat in front of him, completely enraptured by his story. "Haven't really looked back since," he continued, idly playing with a fry on his plate. "I mean, yeah, I call my parents every now and then, check up on my brother and all that shit, but I'm in no hurry to go back home."
"Do you think you ever will? Y'know, when you're older?" Angel asked, taking another bite of his sandwich.
"Maybe one day... but only for a visit. I couldn't stand living back there again." Spike shrugged, popping said fry into his mouth. "How about you? Any plans of going back to Ireland?"
"I don't really know. I would love to go out there sometime. I don't really remember much from living there, so I guess I'd be like a tourist." He laced his fingers together and rested them on the table in front of him, staring at them. "I think I have family I can visit... I know my Grandma used to live... um... somewhere... but, I don't know if she's still there."
Spike's brow furrowed in concern and confusion. "Why don't you just ask your Da, or somethin'? I thought you said they were still alive."
"Oh, they are!" Angel reassured, still staring at his hands. "We just don't... talk a lot. They have some... qualms... with some of my... lifestyle choices."
"So I see," Spike said with a sympathetic smile. "They don't like artists."
"Something like that." He finally looked up, a small, sad smile gracing his features. "So, what's your brother like?"
"Last time I was in the same room as Andy for more then twelve seconds, he was your typical ten-year-old boy. Now, I guess he'd be your typical thirteen year old boy." He leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "But I was gonna ask you something..."
"Oh?"
"When did you first know you were gay."
A pink flush came to Angel's cheeks, and he looked around their table, as if to see if anyone else had heard. "Um... That's... um..."
"Oh, c'mon, pet. You're out! We're both here on this nice date-like-thing, together, and no one's chased us around with torches and pitchforks yet." Spike grinned at him as he noticed his cheeks growing redder. "Or, would you just have preferred if I asked it differently? How you first knew you liked blokes? How you figured out just how much of an ass-man you really were? How you first decided to play a game of hide the summer-sausage? How you -"
"That's enough, William," Angel snapped, sinking down in his chair a bit.
Spike looked at him, bemused. "Ah, resorting to full names now, are we?" He grinned a bit. "I'm just playin' with you, love. You make it so easy."
Angel grumbled something in reply.
"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours..."
Angel sighed, sitting up straight again. "Fine, if you insist..." He leant back a bit, bringing his water glass to his lips. "It's kind of weird, though."
"Aren't they all?"
"This is true," Angel admitted with a slight smile. "Well... I was kind of known in High School for being the only one to have dated almost every girl in our grade and still be a virgin. But, it wasn't like I was picky, or anything. I just... never really felt a romantic connection with any of them. But they all agreed that I was more of a brother type, anyway, so I got to stay friends with... almost all of them, actually." His smile grew a bit at the memories. "We were all talking at a party once, and they were all arguing about who was the hottest boy out of all the seniors..."
"And you had to contribute?"
He gave a snort of laughter. "Not quite, but I did find myself agreeing with them. I spent the entire next week checking out the boys, wondering what it would be like to be dating them instead of... the girls I hadn't gone out with yet, I guess..." He shrugged. "A few weeks later, this guy, Penn, publicly came out, so I asked him out."
Spike raised an eyebrow and gave a dramatic little golf clap. "Good on you."
"Not really. We only lasted a week. He decided he was really straight after all."
The blond winced. "That must have been a blow to your ego."
"Not really. I didn't like him much anyway, I was just trying it to confirm some things." He gave a broad grin, looking pleased with himself. "And I was right, too. And just because I didn't get another date until college doesn't mean I wasn't proud of myself."
Spike nodded in approval, feeling proud of him also. "That's possibly one of the nicer one's I've heard."
"Thanks... I think... So, how about you? When did you decided you liked the penis?"
He nearly snorted his soda through his nose at the uncharacteristic remark. He coughed a few times before dissolving in a fit of laughter. "That's something I'd never thought I'd hear you say."
Angel looked down, embarrassed. "Yeah, well... It seemed fitting."
Spike took a deep breath to calm himself, shaking his head slightly. "I'm going to come back to this as soon as I'm done with mine, 'kay, pet?" Angel nodded, looking at him in open anticipation. He took another deep breath and began: "I think I've always known, really. When I was little, and everyone was going around going 'Ew! Girls are all germy and will kill us if we get too close' I... well, I was one of them, I have to admit, but to the point that meant if girls were bad for our health, then other boys must have been good." He grinned broadly. "My first kiss was with Sammy Kaye, behind the jungle gym. Then there was Danny Hurley and Timmy Dennis, and... Actually, I think I kissed every boy in my first grade class."
"Please tell me this isn't foreshadowing."
He kicked the other man lightly under the table, pouting a little. "But, when that phase started to slip away, and girls started to seem pretty neat... well, I just didn't see the appeal. They were always so clean and sweet and didn't want to play soldiers or look for frogs or any of those good, boy-type things. So, I... well, I kissed every boy in my third grade class. 'Cept they didn't like it too much the second time 'round."
Spike sighed, and Angel looked over at him, concerned. He hoped this wasn't going to turn ugly anytime soon.
"So, when all the boys and all the girls started to date, I joined in, just so I wouldn't feel left out. I was kinda like you, in the sense that I dated almost everyone in my grade and stayed a virgin, but I was the one who used 'em for a week, snogged 'em good and proper, then went on to the next one."
Angel winced a bit, and was glad to see Spike nodding in agreement. "I was a horrible kid, I admit it. But then... well, I wasn't a virgin anymore, and realized how fucking hard it was going to be if I kept pretending. Lucky for me, that was when we heard that Rupert finally bought his own shop and needed help, so I got a chance to start over and be myself for once."
"That's... actually a really great story," Angel said as he gathered the remains of his lunch onto his tray. Spike glanced at his watch and did the same, hoping no one would mind if he came in a few minutes late.
They got rid of their trash and exited the small, cozy deli, enjoying the cool fall air on their way back to the music store. "So, what was that other thing you wanted to say? After I started talking about the penis?"
Spike snorted again, trying not to outright laugh. "You have such a weird way of doing things, Angel. You were so shy and nervous just yesterday, but now, you're completely different. It sounded like you were pretty popular back in High School, so.. did I intimidate you, or somethin'?"
Angel smiled, putting his hands into his pockets. "I've never been one to just go up to someone and talk to them. I'm surprised I talked to you when I did. I figured I watch you for a bit and wait until you to yelled me to leave you alone. And I guess I was... well, kinda afraid that you wouldn't want me, or, even worse, were straight. Hell, I didn't even know for sure until... yesterday..." They both grinned fondly at the memory of the office. "Plus... well, Buffy kind of scares me..."
"Yeah, she does that to some people. Hell, she'd do it to me if I haven't known her for so long. But... she's my best friend. Always has been. She was the only person I was honest with about not wanting girls. I called her the day after I lost my virginity, practically in tears, and she was able to make me feel... honestly, not like killing myself. And, likewise, she called me when she started thinking she might not like boys as much as she used to. Called me up, bawling like a baby, the first time Faith ever broke up with her. Was my flat-mate until Faith finally got serious and moved her in. I got her a job at my uncle's, she's helped me with school..." He trailed off, watching his feet. "I... love her, I guess, like a sister, y'know? I really don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for her..."
"I think I know what you mean," Angel said softly, not knowing if he was treading on dangerous ground or not. "I haven't know her as long as you have Buff, but... she's the only girl who I ever thought I had a chance with. And she was so damn happy when I came out to her, she got on the phone right away, hoping to set me up with someone."
"Who was she?" Spike asked, wondering at the bittersweet tone in his voice.
"Darla," Angel murmured, trying not to look like a kicked puppy. "She moved to New York after graduation. I haven't heard from her in years."
"I'm sorry, love..."
They continued to walk in silence, feeling closer to each other then they thought they could be after knowing each other for three days. When they finally reached the store, neither wanted to part.
"We should do this again," Spike said hopefully. "'S nice."
"Yeah, it is... tomorrow?" Angel suggested, equally as hopeful.
"Sounds good... I don't have to work, though..." he began to rummage through the pockets of his long leather coat, searching until he pulled out a pen. He grabbed the other man's hand and began to scribble on the back. "Here's my number and address... meet me there around noon?"
Angel couldn't stop his grin. "Sounds good to me."
Their eyes met once again, and then their lips. It was a short, sweet kiss, no tongues or petting involved this. But they still didn't want to pull away. It took the crash of the door to the shop opening to get them to part.
"There you are, Captain Peroxide. Giles's pretty pissed at you, taking so many long breaks lately. Get in here before we both get canned." Buffy looked over at Angel, giving him an acknowledging nod, then went back inside.
"So, I'll see you later then?" Spike asked as he walked backwards towards the shop, wishing their lunch didn't have to end so soon.
"Yeah, later," Angel said with a nod, feeling the same. Feeling brave, he darted forward and delivered a quick peck to the blond's lips before walking towards where he left his car, humming happily the whole way home.
Let's Do Lunch
"... and so, when I heard that Uncle Rupert had finally opened up shop here, I packed up and left a note to Mum and came here right away." Spike paused long enough for a drink of his soda. Angel sat in front of him, completely enraptured by his story. "Haven't really looked back since," he continued, idly playing with a fry on his plate. "I mean, yeah, I call my parents every now and then, check up on my brother and all that shit, but I'm in no hurry to go back home."
"Do you think you ever will? Y'know, when you're older?" Angel asked, taking another bite of his sandwich.
"Maybe one day... but only for a visit. I couldn't stand living back there again." Spike shrugged, popping said fry into his mouth. "How about you? Any plans of going back to Ireland?"
"I don't really know. I would love to go out there sometime. I don't really remember much from living there, so I guess I'd be like a tourist." He laced his fingers together and rested them on the table in front of him, staring at them. "I think I have family I can visit... I know my Grandma used to live... um... somewhere... but, I don't know if she's still there."
Spike's brow furrowed in concern and confusion. "Why don't you just ask your Da, or somethin'? I thought you said they were still alive."
"Oh, they are!" Angel reassured, still staring at his hands. "We just don't... talk a lot. They have some... qualms... with some of my... lifestyle choices."
"So I see," Spike said with a sympathetic smile. "They don't like artists."
"Something like that." He finally looked up, a small, sad smile gracing his features. "So, what's your brother like?"
"Last time I was in the same room as Andy for more then twelve seconds, he was your typical ten-year-old boy. Now, I guess he'd be your typical thirteen year old boy." He leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "But I was gonna ask you something..."
"Oh?"
"When did you first know you were gay."
A pink flush came to Angel's cheeks, and he looked around their table, as if to see if anyone else had heard. "Um... That's... um..."
"Oh, c'mon, pet. You're out! We're both here on this nice date-like-thing, together, and no one's chased us around with torches and pitchforks yet." Spike grinned at him as he noticed his cheeks growing redder. "Or, would you just have preferred if I asked it differently? How you first knew you liked blokes? How you figured out just how much of an ass-man you really were? How you first decided to play a game of hide the summer-sausage? How you -"
"That's enough, William," Angel snapped, sinking down in his chair a bit.
Spike looked at him, bemused. "Ah, resorting to full names now, are we?" He grinned a bit. "I'm just playin' with you, love. You make it so easy."
Angel grumbled something in reply.
"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours..."
Angel sighed, sitting up straight again. "Fine, if you insist..." He leant back a bit, bringing his water glass to his lips. "It's kind of weird, though."
"Aren't they all?"
"This is true," Angel admitted with a slight smile. "Well... I was kind of known in High School for being the only one to have dated almost every girl in our grade and still be a virgin. But, it wasn't like I was picky, or anything. I just... never really felt a romantic connection with any of them. But they all agreed that I was more of a brother type, anyway, so I got to stay friends with... almost all of them, actually." His smile grew a bit at the memories. "We were all talking at a party once, and they were all arguing about who was the hottest boy out of all the seniors..."
"And you had to contribute?"
He gave a snort of laughter. "Not quite, but I did find myself agreeing with them. I spent the entire next week checking out the boys, wondering what it would be like to be dating them instead of... the girls I hadn't gone out with yet, I guess..." He shrugged. "A few weeks later, this guy, Penn, publicly came out, so I asked him out."
Spike raised an eyebrow and gave a dramatic little golf clap. "Good on you."
"Not really. We only lasted a week. He decided he was really straight after all."
The blond winced. "That must have been a blow to your ego."
"Not really. I didn't like him much anyway, I was just trying it to confirm some things." He gave a broad grin, looking pleased with himself. "And I was right, too. And just because I didn't get another date until college doesn't mean I wasn't proud of myself."
Spike nodded in approval, feeling proud of him also. "That's possibly one of the nicer one's I've heard."
"Thanks... I think... So, how about you? When did you decided you liked the penis?"
He nearly snorted his soda through his nose at the uncharacteristic remark. He coughed a few times before dissolving in a fit of laughter. "That's something I'd never thought I'd hear you say."
Angel looked down, embarrassed. "Yeah, well... It seemed fitting."
Spike took a deep breath to calm himself, shaking his head slightly. "I'm going to come back to this as soon as I'm done with mine, 'kay, pet?" Angel nodded, looking at him in open anticipation. He took another deep breath and began: "I think I've always known, really. When I was little, and everyone was going around going 'Ew! Girls are all germy and will kill us if we get too close' I... well, I was one of them, I have to admit, but to the point that meant if girls were bad for our health, then other boys must have been good." He grinned broadly. "My first kiss was with Sammy Kaye, behind the jungle gym. Then there was Danny Hurley and Timmy Dennis, and... Actually, I think I kissed every boy in my first grade class."
"Please tell me this isn't foreshadowing."
He kicked the other man lightly under the table, pouting a little. "But, when that phase started to slip away, and girls started to seem pretty neat... well, I just didn't see the appeal. They were always so clean and sweet and didn't want to play soldiers or look for frogs or any of those good, boy-type things. So, I... well, I kissed every boy in my third grade class. 'Cept they didn't like it too much the second time 'round."
Spike sighed, and Angel looked over at him, concerned. He hoped this wasn't going to turn ugly anytime soon.
"So, when all the boys and all the girls started to date, I joined in, just so I wouldn't feel left out. I was kinda like you, in the sense that I dated almost everyone in my grade and stayed a virgin, but I was the one who used 'em for a week, snogged 'em good and proper, then went on to the next one."
Angel winced a bit, and was glad to see Spike nodding in agreement. "I was a horrible kid, I admit it. But then... well, I wasn't a virgin anymore, and realized how fucking hard it was going to be if I kept pretending. Lucky for me, that was when we heard that Rupert finally bought his own shop and needed help, so I got a chance to start over and be myself for once."
"That's... actually a really great story," Angel said as he gathered the remains of his lunch onto his tray. Spike glanced at his watch and did the same, hoping no one would mind if he came in a few minutes late.
They got rid of their trash and exited the small, cozy deli, enjoying the cool fall air on their way back to the music store. "So, what was that other thing you wanted to say? After I started talking about the penis?"
Spike snorted again, trying not to outright laugh. "You have such a weird way of doing things, Angel. You were so shy and nervous just yesterday, but now, you're completely different. It sounded like you were pretty popular back in High School, so.. did I intimidate you, or somethin'?"
Angel smiled, putting his hands into his pockets. "I've never been one to just go up to someone and talk to them. I'm surprised I talked to you when I did. I figured I watch you for a bit and wait until you to yelled me to leave you alone. And I guess I was... well, kinda afraid that you wouldn't want me, or, even worse, were straight. Hell, I didn't even know for sure until... yesterday..." They both grinned fondly at the memory of the office. "Plus... well, Buffy kind of scares me..."
"Yeah, she does that to some people. Hell, she'd do it to me if I haven't known her for so long. But... she's my best friend. Always has been. She was the only person I was honest with about not wanting girls. I called her the day after I lost my virginity, practically in tears, and she was able to make me feel... honestly, not like killing myself. And, likewise, she called me when she started thinking she might not like boys as much as she used to. Called me up, bawling like a baby, the first time Faith ever broke up with her. Was my flat-mate until Faith finally got serious and moved her in. I got her a job at my uncle's, she's helped me with school..." He trailed off, watching his feet. "I... love her, I guess, like a sister, y'know? I really don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for her..."
"I think I know what you mean," Angel said softly, not knowing if he was treading on dangerous ground or not. "I haven't know her as long as you have Buff, but... she's the only girl who I ever thought I had a chance with. And she was so damn happy when I came out to her, she got on the phone right away, hoping to set me up with someone."
"Who was she?" Spike asked, wondering at the bittersweet tone in his voice.
"Darla," Angel murmured, trying not to look like a kicked puppy. "She moved to New York after graduation. I haven't heard from her in years."
"I'm sorry, love..."
They continued to walk in silence, feeling closer to each other then they thought they could be after knowing each other for three days. When they finally reached the store, neither wanted to part.
"We should do this again," Spike said hopefully. "'S nice."
"Yeah, it is... tomorrow?" Angel suggested, equally as hopeful.
"Sounds good... I don't have to work, though..." he began to rummage through the pockets of his long leather coat, searching until he pulled out a pen. He grabbed the other man's hand and began to scribble on the back. "Here's my number and address... meet me there around noon?"
Angel couldn't stop his grin. "Sounds good to me."
Their eyes met once again, and then their lips. It was a short, sweet kiss, no tongues or petting involved this. But they still didn't want to pull away. It took the crash of the door to the shop opening to get them to part.
"There you are, Captain Peroxide. Giles's pretty pissed at you, taking so many long breaks lately. Get in here before we both get canned." Buffy looked over at Angel, giving him an acknowledging nod, then went back inside.
"So, I'll see you later then?" Spike asked as he walked backwards towards the shop, wishing their lunch didn't have to end so soon.
"Yeah, later," Angel said with a nod, feeling the same. Feeling brave, he darted forward and delivered a quick peck to the blond's lips before walking towards where he left his car, humming happily the whole way home.