Still capable of bad decisions.
I made out with a lovely girl much much younger than me last night.
I hope this puppy doesn't get attached and follow me around, though. Whoops.
This only happened because the girl that I really wanted had left. With her boyfriend. Who is a guy version of me. Who she started dating after I ended our flirtation to get back with my ex. I flipped her. The wrong way. Whoops.
She's still very hostile toward me. With good reason, I suppose. She tells friends she doesn't care and she's not still mad. But she is. I get under her skin just like she still gets under mine.
She showed up to a get together last night and my body started to hum as soon as she arrived. Like it was on high alert. I was aware of her always, like it was programmed into my brain to subconsciously track her.
She didn't even acknowledge me at first. She said hi to everyone else around me but purposefully neglected me. We didn't even make eye contact for the longest time like I was her Brittany shaped blind slot.
She wasn't drinking. But I was. And I, along with most of the human race, get bolder and braver with a little alcohol in me. I'm also very fortunate to get more charming when I drink. And the more I drank the more I would catch her looking at me. Perhaps my drinking showed weakness to her and that allowed her to break down some of her walls and in my mentally weakened state she could talk to me and maintain the control she wanted.
She's always liked to tease me. Use my sarcasm against me. She's the only one I know that calls me out on my sharper remarks. My intent is never to hurt feelings, of course. But she will straight up call me out claiming I'm the biggest dick she knows. And I always get defensive and prickly. I find her more attractive every time she does this. And I think she likes calling me out on it. Likes getting me riled up. We both like it when she stands up to me and puts me in my place. It feels like foreplay.
I still have butterflies for this girl. I'm not out to sabotage her relationship or anything currently but I have made it my personal mission to get her to like me again. Only because I know she will fight it. Fight it hard. And I like the idea of that. The challenge it presents. The work and strategy and planning it will take.
Why all the work?
She won't willingly give me that power again. The last time we were talking, she was very open about her interest in me. I never had a problem reading her because I didn't need to. But now she has her guard up. Especially around me. So now I have to decode her looks and words and well... everything just to figure out if I'm making any type of progress.
But being around me unnerves her. I can tell. And that's my strategy, just to be there being my smiling, charming, witty, good-looking self. And then let her marinate in it. I'm about 90% sure she still feels something for me so my goal is just to subtly fan those flames and see what happens.
Every girl needs a hobby I guess.
Also, Ivy thank you for all the pretty Carmilla videos and links to the fanfic I will eventually get around to reading. I'm also a fan of the Pillow Talk ladies. They make me happy. :)
I hope this puppy doesn't get attached and follow me around, though. Whoops.
This only happened because the girl that I really wanted had left. With her boyfriend. Who is a guy version of me. Who she started dating after I ended our flirtation to get back with my ex. I flipped her. The wrong way. Whoops.
She's still very hostile toward me. With good reason, I suppose. She tells friends she doesn't care and she's not still mad. But she is. I get under her skin just like she still gets under mine.
She showed up to a get together last night and my body started to hum as soon as she arrived. Like it was on high alert. I was aware of her always, like it was programmed into my brain to subconsciously track her.
She didn't even acknowledge me at first. She said hi to everyone else around me but purposefully neglected me. We didn't even make eye contact for the longest time like I was her Brittany shaped blind slot.
She wasn't drinking. But I was. And I, along with most of the human race, get bolder and braver with a little alcohol in me. I'm also very fortunate to get more charming when I drink. And the more I drank the more I would catch her looking at me. Perhaps my drinking showed weakness to her and that allowed her to break down some of her walls and in my mentally weakened state she could talk to me and maintain the control she wanted.
She's always liked to tease me. Use my sarcasm against me. She's the only one I know that calls me out on my sharper remarks. My intent is never to hurt feelings, of course. But she will straight up call me out claiming I'm the biggest dick she knows. And I always get defensive and prickly. I find her more attractive every time she does this. And I think she likes calling me out on it. Likes getting me riled up. We both like it when she stands up to me and puts me in my place. It feels like foreplay.
I still have butterflies for this girl. I'm not out to sabotage her relationship or anything currently but I have made it my personal mission to get her to like me again. Only because I know she will fight it. Fight it hard. And I like the idea of that. The challenge it presents. The work and strategy and planning it will take.
Why all the work?
She won't willingly give me that power again. The last time we were talking, she was very open about her interest in me. I never had a problem reading her because I didn't need to. But now she has her guard up. Especially around me. So now I have to decode her looks and words and well... everything just to figure out if I'm making any type of progress.
But being around me unnerves her. I can tell. And that's my strategy, just to be there being my smiling, charming, witty, good-looking self. And then let her marinate in it. I'm about 90% sure she still feels something for me so my goal is just to subtly fan those flames and see what happens.
Every girl needs a hobby I guess.
Also, Ivy thank you for all the pretty Carmilla videos and links to the fanfic I will eventually get around to reading. I'm also a fan of the Pillow Talk ladies. They make me happy. :)