(no subject)
why is it that we wish for something so long and say that is what we want when we don't have it?
but then if we think we may have found something that is starting to look exactly like what we want, we change our tune and it's not what we want anymore.
we want what we can't have.
we think we want something but it makes us realized we really shouldn't have wanted it in the first place.
is it possible to feel like i was ready this whole time but really i'm not.
i don't think i am ready. i'm too young. too scared.
how much time is enough time.
how can i think at one moment something is missing and when i may have found it i don't want it anymore and feel overwhelmed.
i sit here between the lines.
what i saw for my live a few years ago is something i don't want anymore.
a few months back what i had for a live wasn't what i wanted i wanted my old life.
now that i could possibly have my old life. i don't want it.
i felt feariously dependant on someone else. i wanted so badly to find someone else i could count on in the way again.
now that i could possibly count on someone or open up or give it a chance or a possiblity. i don't want to. i want to run away as far as i can. not open up. just let it go. i want to be on my own. i don't want to answer to anyone. i want to be independant. i don't want to have to depend on anyone. i can do it myself. i want to do what i want when i want with whoever i want and not feel like my actions will affect anyone or hurt anyone.
the thought of a long term commited relationship with spending so much time with one person makes me ill. i want new, exciting, different. i don't want the same person everyday all day. sitting in the same stupid room, same stupid couch, same stupid tv. plain boring, comfortable.
but then if we think we may have found something that is starting to look exactly like what we want, we change our tune and it's not what we want anymore.
we want what we can't have.
we think we want something but it makes us realized we really shouldn't have wanted it in the first place.
is it possible to feel like i was ready this whole time but really i'm not.
i don't think i am ready. i'm too young. too scared.
how much time is enough time.
how can i think at one moment something is missing and when i may have found it i don't want it anymore and feel overwhelmed.
i sit here between the lines.
what i saw for my live a few years ago is something i don't want anymore.
a few months back what i had for a live wasn't what i wanted i wanted my old life.
now that i could possibly have my old life. i don't want it.
i felt feariously dependant on someone else. i wanted so badly to find someone else i could count on in the way again.
now that i could possibly count on someone or open up or give it a chance or a possiblity. i don't want to. i want to run away as far as i can. not open up. just let it go. i want to be on my own. i don't want to answer to anyone. i want to be independant. i don't want to have to depend on anyone. i can do it myself. i want to do what i want when i want with whoever i want and not feel like my actions will affect anyone or hurt anyone.
the thought of a long term commited relationship with spending so much time with one person makes me ill. i want new, exciting, different. i don't want the same person everyday all day. sitting in the same stupid room, same stupid couch, same stupid tv. plain boring, comfortable.