im tired and unmotivated
why is it that everyone i know is sick. with the exception of mrs. mckinney who was sick then died.
my grandfather
my godfather
my cousin
and now my hula teacher. Its funny how things work.. the way we run into things unknowingly.. today was beautiful and i was thinking about how much i missed hula, i started streaming hawaiian radio stations and listening to all the old songs i knew, i even danced (when my roommate wasnt there). and i wanted to cry cause i remembered the summers where all i could think of was hula, and how i couldnt wait every week to go to hula practice. and how i never wanted to leave. i was a fanatic..and there were weekends where i'd sleep over and help around. i kinda adopted auntie and uncle as my surogate parents. they still have old pictures and stories i used to write them.. thank you card i made them..i knew so much about their personal life. and for them likewise into mine, they've watched me grow up for well over the last ten years.. so i reminiced today.. kicked myself for knowingly scheduling the mudrun during ho'olaulea weekend. and started crying cause i missed hula, i missed my hawaiian identity, and i've never been so long without it.. i remember it as one of my undying hobbies.. i wanted to be part of all of it.. and now, we grow up, and we forget those things that we are so passionate about. before i left for second semester, uncle left me his email address at disney. of course i lost it. so i looked up my hula groups email, and sent a message to auntie and uncle seeing how they were doing, because i promised that i would keep them posted when i was in college.
that was earlier today.
moving on. so my sister calls tonight. with the usual bad news, popoys still sick, her and mom - still fighting, but now auntie kathy has lung cancer. so this is what its like to grow up, and feel that everyones leaving, shouldnt this be reserved for when im older. and i feel like an asshole because i didn't keep in touch as much as i should of.