Updates: Part the 1st.
Over New Year's I got my wisdom teeth pulled. But I developed a major "dry socket" in my lower right side that kept me up for nights on end, made my jaw go numb out of pain, and even brought me to tears. So I finally got a day off and went to see my maxillofacial surgeon to see what I could do. So they packed in this weird clove and tissue material and sent me on my way. By the way, I think it's coming along a lot better. My follow-up is tomorrow.
Anyways, I had bought some X-Men trade paperbacks on the way to my parent's house and was laying out on their guest bedroom as I was planning on staying the night. Earlier, someone had called my parent's house regarding a judgement on my previous apartment where all of my things got stolen and the girl I co-signed the lease with ditched out on the rent. So my father comes up to me while I'm laying down reading and says,
"Wesley, this will be a delicate subject. Me and your mother have talked and we feel that we don't know what kind of people you've been hanging out with and what kind of things you're doing with your life, so we want the keys back to our cars and to our house."
I was shocked and disgusted. In my shorts and no shoes I stormed out of the house. My father telling me, "We didn't tell you yo leave." "Yes you did. You lied to me and you said you never would. You told me I was always welcome in your house. I just can't beleive you lied to me." I tried to drive off into the sunset, but the gate was locked, for which I no longer had the key. I Yelled at him to open "his gate" since I no longer had "his key." My mother, casually of course, said, "Wesley, we didn't tell you you had to go." "Yes, you did. And I expected more out of you people. We won't see each other for a long while." And I drove off, leaving my cell charger in the driveway.
As I was driving down the road, I started bawling. I don't even know why for sure. I then called my dad back:
"What did I do to you?"
"We're not saying you did anything, but we don't feel safe with you having the keys to our vehicles and house."
"Don't you realize what kind of things I've had to go through this year. You have no idea. You have no idea what I've been through and where I've been. Did I not leave your lives fast enough? Don't think there's a reason that the other kids left to other states?" And I hung up.
My first thought wanted to be to find the fattest line I could snort that night and party my ass off. I wanted to hate my parents and feel angry. But I didn't. I felt pity. And when I went home, I got rid of all the pot I had lying around. I realize I've changed. Over the past year I have gone through an un-lawful eviction (the woman waited until I was away at my parent's 25th wedding anniversery to come by and deem that my place was messy and a violation of the lease), a verbally abusive relationship, leaving a job where I was making a lot of money because I thought that it was the source of the strain in the relationship I was in, taking care of 4 other people off my meager paycheck (including a 8-year-old who I regard as my own son and is now out of my life and who I miss every day), habitual use of both cocaine and pot and the stopping and withdrawl symptoms that followed, getting robbed of over $2000 worth of my possessions by one of the people I helped support, abandoning 95% of my friends because I realized that the relationships were un healthy and the lonliness that followed, and the list goes on.
I now own my own car, have my own place where I can easily pay the bills and still take sick days if I need them, a job where I am respected and loved by most of my employees and fellow managers, a great paycheck where I have started paying off my past debts and still have money to spare and be able to breathe, and great new people in my life who have had rocky histories like me, but have now started sorting out their lives and who uplift me as I uplift them when they need it.
And yet I am a disappointment. I realized their love is conditional. They will help me financially and regarind their health, but they resent who I am and what I am and I realize now that that's their issue, not mine. I am a great person who brings happiness and joy to the lives of those around me. While I'm far from perfect, I am now closer than ever to the man and future husband/partner and father I long to be. And it's a great feeling.
But as I was driving home, I called Trin. "Busy, let me call you back." Then I called Jill, my old co-ed Christian fraternity sister. I told her I needed someone to pray for me because I was planning to take a leap of faith and move to Orlando and I wanted to be close to her so I could have a friend to bring my up regarding my much-neglected Christian side. She asked,
"When are you moving? What's the date? I'm getting a new place, too!"
Anyways, I had bought some X-Men trade paperbacks on the way to my parent's house and was laying out on their guest bedroom as I was planning on staying the night. Earlier, someone had called my parent's house regarding a judgement on my previous apartment where all of my things got stolen and the girl I co-signed the lease with ditched out on the rent. So my father comes up to me while I'm laying down reading and says,
"Wesley, this will be a delicate subject. Me and your mother have talked and we feel that we don't know what kind of people you've been hanging out with and what kind of things you're doing with your life, so we want the keys back to our cars and to our house."
I was shocked and disgusted. In my shorts and no shoes I stormed out of the house. My father telling me, "We didn't tell you yo leave." "Yes you did. You lied to me and you said you never would. You told me I was always welcome in your house. I just can't beleive you lied to me." I tried to drive off into the sunset, but the gate was locked, for which I no longer had the key. I Yelled at him to open "his gate" since I no longer had "his key." My mother, casually of course, said, "Wesley, we didn't tell you you had to go." "Yes, you did. And I expected more out of you people. We won't see each other for a long while." And I drove off, leaving my cell charger in the driveway.
As I was driving down the road, I started bawling. I don't even know why for sure. I then called my dad back:
"What did I do to you?"
"We're not saying you did anything, but we don't feel safe with you having the keys to our vehicles and house."
"Don't you realize what kind of things I've had to go through this year. You have no idea. You have no idea what I've been through and where I've been. Did I not leave your lives fast enough? Don't think there's a reason that the other kids left to other states?" And I hung up.
My first thought wanted to be to find the fattest line I could snort that night and party my ass off. I wanted to hate my parents and feel angry. But I didn't. I felt pity. And when I went home, I got rid of all the pot I had lying around. I realize I've changed. Over the past year I have gone through an un-lawful eviction (the woman waited until I was away at my parent's 25th wedding anniversery to come by and deem that my place was messy and a violation of the lease), a verbally abusive relationship, leaving a job where I was making a lot of money because I thought that it was the source of the strain in the relationship I was in, taking care of 4 other people off my meager paycheck (including a 8-year-old who I regard as my own son and is now out of my life and who I miss every day), habitual use of both cocaine and pot and the stopping and withdrawl symptoms that followed, getting robbed of over $2000 worth of my possessions by one of the people I helped support, abandoning 95% of my friends because I realized that the relationships were un healthy and the lonliness that followed, and the list goes on.
I now own my own car, have my own place where I can easily pay the bills and still take sick days if I need them, a job where I am respected and loved by most of my employees and fellow managers, a great paycheck where I have started paying off my past debts and still have money to spare and be able to breathe, and great new people in my life who have had rocky histories like me, but have now started sorting out their lives and who uplift me as I uplift them when they need it.
And yet I am a disappointment. I realized their love is conditional. They will help me financially and regarind their health, but they resent who I am and what I am and I realize now that that's their issue, not mine. I am a great person who brings happiness and joy to the lives of those around me. While I'm far from perfect, I am now closer than ever to the man and future husband/partner and father I long to be. And it's a great feeling.
But as I was driving home, I called Trin. "Busy, let me call you back." Then I called Jill, my old co-ed Christian fraternity sister. I told her I needed someone to pray for me because I was planning to take a leap of faith and move to Orlando and I wanted to be close to her so I could have a friend to bring my up regarding my much-neglected Christian side. She asked,
"When are you moving? What's the date? I'm getting a new place, too!"