(no subject)
soo basically im hating life right now. and yes im going to use this entry to complain bout everything that is going on cuz im in one of those moods n just need to let it all out by writing it..so i dont know what has been going on with me latley but i just have been like really depressed latley. im having problems with my dad n im just not getting along with him n i never want to talk to him. my brother is having problems n he is so far away n i feel like i cant do anything to help him. all i can do is talk to him n i dont even talk to him that much.its hard n itrs frustrating for me cuz i wish i coul help him. then comes school, i fucking hate it like always. but thats like all i can say cuz its school..now comes the guys. which is my biggest problem right now n i dont know why. i just feel like everytime i like a guy, i either get led on n get hurt or he has a girlfriend or just doesnt like me. i always end up getting hurt n im just so done with it, i cant handle liking guys anymore. it tears me apart.i know it shouldnt tear me apart as much as it does but i just feel like i need someone to be there for me to make me happy right now. i have been single for sometime now n im done being single. i have waited long enough n for once, i think i might actually know what i want with a guy. but i wont be able to prove it to myself cuz once i start liking a guy, something always happens. i just wish i could find someone who likes me for me. n for once, im actually caring bout what guys r saying bout n i hate that. cuz what they think bout me drives me crazy. cuz then i take myself apart n pick out all the bad stuff bout me. i just think that since guys dont like me, everything single thing bout me is wrong.so i just feel like giving up on guys but then i dont want to cuz i want to find someone who i can be happy with n share something with. so like i have been, i guess all i can do is wait n try to find someone that makes me happy..but i cant rush it even tho i havent..n my next biggest problem is friends. i have lost a lot of friends this year n i dont know why. i thought i had one the closest friends ever but then she slipped away...nothing ever happened between us but somehow she just stopped talking to me. so i lost my closest friend n have nobody now. but then again, im getting closer to some soccer girls n also one my oldest best friends liek basically my sister which is sooo good cuz i love her to death n have missed her!!but i just have felt like a complete loner at school n everything cuz i basically am..im always by myself n really have nobody to talk to. but i cant really do anything bout that n i know its just a phase but o well..im over it. i just have been so down on myself latley n i feel like everything i do or say is wrong..i just feel like falling apart latley n just like giving up on everything but thats not me. i dont give up n i dont let people take over my emotions..i need to figure our who i am or who i want to be n maybe that will help some things............
edit; i definatly didnt write this to get any sympathy or anything, i just needed to write it to get out some of my feelings.