(no subject)
Cripes, does my job suck. In the month since I have been hired on as a "real" employee, my feelings toward this job have gone from bored but tolerant to utterly miserable and on the verge of a complete breakdown. Er, I may have had a complete breakdown already, if sobbing in my boss's office while asking her why she appears to be dissatisfied with everything I do is any indication. What a nightmare that was. I am not a crier, particularly not in public. I don't even like to cry in front of my husband. But I spent half of that day hiding in the bathroom crying, ducking into deserted offices to try and stop crying before anyone saw me, and crying at my desk while the woman who sits across from me tried valiantly to cheer me up, and then went to the horrible meeting with my boss to discuss why she hates me and cried through half of it. Her behavior toward me and pretty much every other admin has been so maddening that a couple of weeks ago I, along with another employee, went to Human Resources to formally complain instead of just continuing to bitch and moan about her with everyone else behind her back. Naturally, HR didn't do anything beyond telling her we had complained about her, and then telling us if we have any future problems we really should go to her, because "she's really willing to listen and work with us." My ass. Because she knows I specifically complained about her and was still insinuating that I suck, I felt the need to meet with her and discuss the problems face to face. But then before our meeting, some things happened that made me feel the person who went to complain to HR with me was really not as much "on my side" as I thought she was, and I felt betrayed by her. This was just the last straw, which brought on the crying public breakdown. After this meeting, although I feel better to have gotten everything out in the open, I don't feel that anything was really resolved. I must have asked her the same question about five times in an attempt to get a straight answer on what her expectations of me are on a particularly terrible project I'm working on, and she wouldn't really answer my question. Although she acted fairly nice to me, I don't get the impression she was really listening to anything I said or that any of the problems are really going to change. I get the feeling I can either get used to her rudeness and unattainable standards and accept it will always be that way and nothing I do will ever change it, or I can leave and find someplace I don't dread going to every day.
And unfortunately, that second option has been made more difficult, because I learned last week that I did not get that other job I've been interviewing for. I went to three different interviews and made it all the way to the final one. I felt like I did a great job on them, but I guess the other candidate must have had more experience or formal training or something. I'm trying not to be too disappointed because I truly did the best I could do and can't really second guess anything that happened, but it's really disappointing when a company that seeks YOU out, not the other way around, puts you through such a long drawn-out process, gets your hopes up, and then doesn't choose you for the job. I never went looking for a job with them - they called me. I kind of wish they wouldn't have bothered if they weren't sure they wanted me for the job, as I went through a lot of stress with their process only to ultimately be turned down. Sigh. Things are just not going my way right now.
So I thought I would try and cheer myself up by putting up my Christmas tree this weekend, since of course Halloween being over means it is now the Christmas season. :-) I had already gotten all my decorations from my parents' house and hauled them out of my car, and even got Matt to agree to help me decorate and not act like a Grinch. We opened up the tub with the tree and I realized that the big pole that supports the whole tree was too big to fit in the tub, and I'd forgotten it in my parents' garage. So much for getting the tree up. I put some other decorations up anyway, but the wind was taken out of my sails considerably, and now the tree will likely have to wait until next weekend. I have to go home to vote this Tuesday because I forgot to request by absentee ballot in time, so although it is a pain at least I can get the missing parts of my tree. :-(
Now let's just hope I can get through this next week with no public sobbing breakdowns.
And unfortunately, that second option has been made more difficult, because I learned last week that I did not get that other job I've been interviewing for. I went to three different interviews and made it all the way to the final one. I felt like I did a great job on them, but I guess the other candidate must have had more experience or formal training or something. I'm trying not to be too disappointed because I truly did the best I could do and can't really second guess anything that happened, but it's really disappointing when a company that seeks YOU out, not the other way around, puts you through such a long drawn-out process, gets your hopes up, and then doesn't choose you for the job. I never went looking for a job with them - they called me. I kind of wish they wouldn't have bothered if they weren't sure they wanted me for the job, as I went through a lot of stress with their process only to ultimately be turned down. Sigh. Things are just not going my way right now.
So I thought I would try and cheer myself up by putting up my Christmas tree this weekend, since of course Halloween being over means it is now the Christmas season. :-) I had already gotten all my decorations from my parents' house and hauled them out of my car, and even got Matt to agree to help me decorate and not act like a Grinch. We opened up the tub with the tree and I realized that the big pole that supports the whole tree was too big to fit in the tub, and I'd forgotten it in my parents' garage. So much for getting the tree up. I put some other decorations up anyway, but the wind was taken out of my sails considerably, and now the tree will likely have to wait until next weekend. I have to go home to vote this Tuesday because I forgot to request by absentee ballot in time, so although it is a pain at least I can get the missing parts of my tree. :-(
Now let's just hope I can get through this next week with no public sobbing breakdowns.