(no subject)
my sister and i stood quietly in front of the bed as my grandpa drifted in and out of sleep. he tried, unavailingly, to open his eyes when he felt a corner of his bed sink from the weight of my mum who had decided to sit down, there being no other chairs in the ward, except for the one occupied by my aunt and a wheelchair which all of us felt, superstitiously, should be left untouched. my mum had placed herself right in front of my aunt and they soon started talking albeit quietly for fear of disturbing my grandpa. my aunt became rather animated; sometimes her face would scrunch up, sometimes she would stick out her chin and jiggle her head.
it grew familiar, her peculiar way of caricaturing people when she was gossiping about them. i had stayed with my aunt and grandpa for the first six years of my life as my parents were both working then. in those formative years i was very close to my aunt, who taught me how to read and write, supervised my studies (even at a tender age i was a go-getter who took spelling tests very seriously) and took care of me when i fell sick (i was very sickly as a child and my stomach troubles started then). my parents who only came to visit me on the weekends appeared somewhat peripheral to my existence.
it was my aunt who, for reasons still unbeknownst to me, put me in a dress and while my memory of that incident had run dim, the photos she had taken showed that i was absolutely delighted, prancing about in the little pink dress, my tiny fingers lifting the corners of the skirt in a most dainty manner. my dad was very cross with my aunt when he saw the photos, in what seemed to mark the beginning of a lifelong animosity between the two. This was brought to the fore several years later when my aunt cheated my dad of his money, my mum being (i believe) an unknowing accomplice. from the many heated exchanges my parents had following the episode, it appeared that my grandpa abetted the crime or at least shielded my aunt, concealing her whereabouts when my dad tried to seek her out. that did not go down well with my dad and for many years we were forbidden to visit my grandpa during chinese new year. the few times my mum disobeyed my dad and visited her father she was severely reprimanded for days on end. only in recent years did my dad relent and let us meet my grandpa during the festive season, although he would protest against that concession by refusing to join us for the visit and sulking and throwing tantrums when we returned home.
the first time my grandpa was hospitalized, however, my dad surprised all of us by suggesting that we visit him together. it was then i first saw my aunt after more than ten years. she had put on weight and the lines leading from her nose to the corners of her mouth were much deeper than i remembered. when my parents saw my aunt their abhorrence was palpable. my dad scowled at my aunt who bent her head sheepishly and the smile on my mum's face which appeared when she saw my grandpa cracked. emerging from the ward an hour later, my mum announced to me and my sister that she wished the demoness were dead.
apparently, then, a reconciliation had occurred between my mum and her sister when we went to visit my grandpa in hospital last saturday. i was first surprised when my mum told my sister to greet my aunt the moment we went into the ward. then when my mum chose to sit down before her hitherto arch enemy and started engaging in a sisterly banter, i felt a sense of relief although i was not sure whether the tension i had keenly felt all these years had actually been resolved. by which i mean the tension between my affection for my aunt who had painstakingly brought me up and the intense sense of repudiation that so afflicted me when i learnt that she had cheated my dad of his life savings, an act of betrayal which consequently brought about much hardship for my family.
looking at my grandpa, i dug deep in my childhood memories. his hair had miraculously not greyed after all this time although he had put on a lot of weight. his voice was still the same, gentle and manly. while he slept his fingers subconsciously stroked the sides of the bed, which reminded me of the long afternoon naps we would take in his bed when i was a child. he would hug me tightly and, caressing my arms, talk to me softly as we drifted in the soporific heat to sleep. he was like the father i wished i had. but having not seen him for years we had grown vastly apart. looking upon his supine figure now i realized i scarcely knew him. i could summon no words of consolation even though deep in my heart i felt pity, albeit a pity that would have been aroused by the sight of a total stranger as seriously ill. in the hour we spent in the ward, all i could do was to look out the window, pondering over frivolous things (shouldn't someone drain the flower pot overfilled with water? we wouldn't want mosquitoes to breed here. there's a construction site next to the hospital, how can anyone put up with the din? what a nice pond they have here. dark clouds are looming, perhaps we should make a move.) as i unwittingly eavesdropped on my mum and my aunt's conversation, carried out in overtones and in a dialect i never managed to pick up.
the only thing i did for my grandpa in that brief visit was me helping him to sit up for lunch, and even that i did ineffectually as he was very heavy and i was still weak from a flu that never quite went away. eventually i told my sister who conveyed to my mum (i find it hard to speak to my mum face-to-face these days) that i was running late for an appointment. she took some time to tear herself from my aunt, during which they exchanged phone numbers. my grandpa seemed slightly more alert and he was able to recognize me, his eldest and favorite grandson, and acknowledged with a weak nod of his head my feeble, almost inaudible goodbye. my aunt whom i never spoke to the whole time, too, bade us farewell and i gave a half-hearted wave of my hand before i quickly turning stepped out of the ward.
it grew familiar, her peculiar way of caricaturing people when she was gossiping about them. i had stayed with my aunt and grandpa for the first six years of my life as my parents were both working then. in those formative years i was very close to my aunt, who taught me how to read and write, supervised my studies (even at a tender age i was a go-getter who took spelling tests very seriously) and took care of me when i fell sick (i was very sickly as a child and my stomach troubles started then). my parents who only came to visit me on the weekends appeared somewhat peripheral to my existence.
it was my aunt who, for reasons still unbeknownst to me, put me in a dress and while my memory of that incident had run dim, the photos she had taken showed that i was absolutely delighted, prancing about in the little pink dress, my tiny fingers lifting the corners of the skirt in a most dainty manner. my dad was very cross with my aunt when he saw the photos, in what seemed to mark the beginning of a lifelong animosity between the two. This was brought to the fore several years later when my aunt cheated my dad of his money, my mum being (i believe) an unknowing accomplice. from the many heated exchanges my parents had following the episode, it appeared that my grandpa abetted the crime or at least shielded my aunt, concealing her whereabouts when my dad tried to seek her out. that did not go down well with my dad and for many years we were forbidden to visit my grandpa during chinese new year. the few times my mum disobeyed my dad and visited her father she was severely reprimanded for days on end. only in recent years did my dad relent and let us meet my grandpa during the festive season, although he would protest against that concession by refusing to join us for the visit and sulking and throwing tantrums when we returned home.
the first time my grandpa was hospitalized, however, my dad surprised all of us by suggesting that we visit him together. it was then i first saw my aunt after more than ten years. she had put on weight and the lines leading from her nose to the corners of her mouth were much deeper than i remembered. when my parents saw my aunt their abhorrence was palpable. my dad scowled at my aunt who bent her head sheepishly and the smile on my mum's face which appeared when she saw my grandpa cracked. emerging from the ward an hour later, my mum announced to me and my sister that she wished the demoness were dead.
apparently, then, a reconciliation had occurred between my mum and her sister when we went to visit my grandpa in hospital last saturday. i was first surprised when my mum told my sister to greet my aunt the moment we went into the ward. then when my mum chose to sit down before her hitherto arch enemy and started engaging in a sisterly banter, i felt a sense of relief although i was not sure whether the tension i had keenly felt all these years had actually been resolved. by which i mean the tension between my affection for my aunt who had painstakingly brought me up and the intense sense of repudiation that so afflicted me when i learnt that she had cheated my dad of his life savings, an act of betrayal which consequently brought about much hardship for my family.
looking at my grandpa, i dug deep in my childhood memories. his hair had miraculously not greyed after all this time although he had put on a lot of weight. his voice was still the same, gentle and manly. while he slept his fingers subconsciously stroked the sides of the bed, which reminded me of the long afternoon naps we would take in his bed when i was a child. he would hug me tightly and, caressing my arms, talk to me softly as we drifted in the soporific heat to sleep. he was like the father i wished i had. but having not seen him for years we had grown vastly apart. looking upon his supine figure now i realized i scarcely knew him. i could summon no words of consolation even though deep in my heart i felt pity, albeit a pity that would have been aroused by the sight of a total stranger as seriously ill. in the hour we spent in the ward, all i could do was to look out the window, pondering over frivolous things (shouldn't someone drain the flower pot overfilled with water? we wouldn't want mosquitoes to breed here. there's a construction site next to the hospital, how can anyone put up with the din? what a nice pond they have here. dark clouds are looming, perhaps we should make a move.) as i unwittingly eavesdropped on my mum and my aunt's conversation, carried out in overtones and in a dialect i never managed to pick up.
the only thing i did for my grandpa in that brief visit was me helping him to sit up for lunch, and even that i did ineffectually as he was very heavy and i was still weak from a flu that never quite went away. eventually i told my sister who conveyed to my mum (i find it hard to speak to my mum face-to-face these days) that i was running late for an appointment. she took some time to tear herself from my aunt, during which they exchanged phone numbers. my grandpa seemed slightly more alert and he was able to recognize me, his eldest and favorite grandson, and acknowledged with a weak nod of his head my feeble, almost inaudible goodbye. my aunt whom i never spoke to the whole time, too, bade us farewell and i gave a half-hearted wave of my hand before i quickly turning stepped out of the ward.