(no subject)
I completely forgot that I'm rather upset with myself, but this music successfully blocked out
all my negative energy. Its nice to find an escape that fucking works. Something that'll
suffocate the hate out of my eyes.
and those ladies are again, nonexistant.
I seriously have to question how much of a joke this looks like.
Its a matter of wondering if I could convince this girl after all, probably not.
So, I was pondering as always, my most heinous crime...
"A boy with a hero complex, that's actually in need of hero instead."
I guess that's me.
I can't stand myself so much I have to subject others to this fucking retarded ideology
that I have to help everyone. Wow, no idea how to fix that shit. Lol.
So, that I'm completely self-destructive, I'll turn around, take all the energy off myself
and focus on the other person. I'm probably so bothersome or overwhelming in that respect.
Glad there's only like 1 extremely hot girl that reads this.
I'd have successfully undermined myself, and there's no way I could sell this trainwreck after all that nonsense. XD.
I guess I could say the things I have done out of "love" or at least "obsessed/strong" like?
- Drove upstate to buy a $14 movie since that was the only place that had it in stock (the drive probably cost more).
- Dropped flowers off at work, incognito, and eventually surprised the lady.
- Stopped by an empty, no-light-pollution field, and watched the stars
- Showed my (not really) "happy place", dock on the water by Perthy Amboy. A nice, close serenic spot with a bit of the ocean there too. Its quite awesome in its beauty.
- Bought the entire tv series to a show person loved.
But even, when I do these romantic things... hell, write poetry about them* things have a way of falling apart.
It sucks being alone, but I can't tell if one is honestly better than the other.
And its not like I don't listen. Like I stated before...
I can't stand myself sometimes, always unsatisfied, so I do listen to them. And help them with them...
So I don't have to deal with me.
----
Its entertaining to see that everyone sounds like music to me.
Everything, thigns that didn't have such a pattern are calling out to me.
I can look through all those entries and suddenly lines light up like lights,
green, red flashes of color on this dingy black background and stands apart from the white words.
Its exciting.
and I'm remembering all those sexy words I've forgotten.
I blame Blue Stahli.
Listening to his album has thrown my brain into lyrical overdrive.
Heh, let's see where this is all going.
*- the one requirement I have about them is that I MUST be able to write about them.
If I can't, it won't go anywhere.
Writing about someone is dangerous.
There's horrible things there, and if I don't feel strong enough about writing both ends of the spectrum,
I won't. Simple as that. Love is happiness and sadness. Can't have it one way...
Otherwise, its not real, is it? Just a fantasy.
all my negative energy. Its nice to find an escape that fucking works. Something that'll
suffocate the hate out of my eyes.
and those ladies are again, nonexistant.
I seriously have to question how much of a joke this looks like.
Its a matter of wondering if I could convince this girl after all, probably not.
So, I was pondering as always, my most heinous crime...
"A boy with a hero complex, that's actually in need of hero instead."
I guess that's me.
I can't stand myself so much I have to subject others to this fucking retarded ideology
that I have to help everyone. Wow, no idea how to fix that shit. Lol.
So, that I'm completely self-destructive, I'll turn around, take all the energy off myself
and focus on the other person. I'm probably so bothersome or overwhelming in that respect.
Glad there's only like 1 extremely hot girl that reads this.
I'd have successfully undermined myself, and there's no way I could sell this trainwreck after all that nonsense. XD.
I guess I could say the things I have done out of "love" or at least "obsessed/strong" like?
- Drove upstate to buy a $14 movie since that was the only place that had it in stock (the drive probably cost more).
- Dropped flowers off at work, incognito, and eventually surprised the lady.
- Stopped by an empty, no-light-pollution field, and watched the stars
- Showed my (not really) "happy place", dock on the water by Perthy Amboy. A nice, close serenic spot with a bit of the ocean there too. Its quite awesome in its beauty.
- Bought the entire tv series to a show person loved.
But even, when I do these romantic things... hell, write poetry about them* things have a way of falling apart.
It sucks being alone, but I can't tell if one is honestly better than the other.
And its not like I don't listen. Like I stated before...
I can't stand myself sometimes, always unsatisfied, so I do listen to them. And help them with them...
So I don't have to deal with me.
----
Its entertaining to see that everyone sounds like music to me.
Everything, thigns that didn't have such a pattern are calling out to me.
I can look through all those entries and suddenly lines light up like lights,
green, red flashes of color on this dingy black background and stands apart from the white words.
Its exciting.
and I'm remembering all those sexy words I've forgotten.
I blame Blue Stahli.
Listening to his album has thrown my brain into lyrical overdrive.
Heh, let's see where this is all going.
*- the one requirement I have about them is that I MUST be able to write about them.
If I can't, it won't go anywhere.
Writing about someone is dangerous.
There's horrible things there, and if I don't feel strong enough about writing both ends of the spectrum,
I won't. Simple as that. Love is happiness and sadness. Can't have it one way...
Otherwise, its not real, is it? Just a fantasy.