Cabin Pressure fic: How to seduce a pilot, Douglas/Martin
Title: How to seduce a pilot
Fandom & Pairing: Cabin Pressure, Douglas/Martin
Rating: Gen, pre-slash
Warnings: none
Genre: humour, crack
Word Count: Around 600
Summary: Douglas ponders how to seduce an oblivious Martin
"And final flight checks complete."
Douglas cast a look across to where Martin was humming happily to himself while he collected up his things and prepared to leave the plane.
"I'll just go and finish up the paperwork in the portacabin. Douglas, do try not to trample me in your rush to get to your car!" With a cheeky grin in his direction, Martin headed for the stairs.
Douglas lent back in his seat and admired the view of Martin's shapely arse as the captain left the flight deck, his jacket slung casually over his shoulder. It was all profoundly annoying.
Douglas really wasn't used to having to work this hard at it. Frankly, he normally didn't need to do any work at all. A raised eyebrow and slow smile, an admiring glance sweeping slowly down from head to legs and back up, a tilt of his head in the direction of the door and his quarry for the night was already spreading their legs in anticipation.
However, he'd been trying to seduce Martin for months now and the younger man simply refused to notice. He'd tried innuendo but either it passed straight over Martin's head or the man thought he teasing. He'd tried flirting but that got the same result. He tried inviting Martin out for a special sushi meal while on layover and Martin had wrinkled his nose at the whole raw fish concept. He'd tried inviting Martin for dinner at his home and Martin had refused, his prickly pride convinced it was pity feeding. Between Martin's pride and his obliviousness and Douglas's well-established reputation for never taking anything seriously and always taking the piss out of Martin, he simply couldn't get his captain to take his overtures seriously.
With a sigh, Douglas climbed down from G-ERTI, leaving Arthur to his happy hoovering, and wandered across the tarmac. He was fresh out ideas and badly in need of some new inspiration. As he walked he scrolled through the twitter feed on his phone. A link caught his eye: Neil Gaiman on how to best seduce a writer. OMG!! loltastic!!! Douglas normally stayed well away from the acronym and multiple exclamation mark corners of the web, but he rather admired Gaiman as a writer. He clicked on the link.
...if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than slightly unlaid. So I would suggest...
Having read the post, he found himself grinning widely. Well, who was he to turn down advice from a master? He might make a few small changes but overall it was sound advice to anyone wanting to seduce the terminally oblivious.
He wandered into the portacabin, ignoring Martin's look of exaggerated surprise, and found himself a piece of paper. With a quick look back at his phone, he wrote out his message, folded the paper in half, and put it down in front of his captain.
"Martin, this not a joke, its not a tease. It is a cheerful note laying out as clearly as I can my intentions. Please do read it at your leisure and I hope to see you at mine at eight."
He smirked at Martin's look of suspicious curiosity and let himself out, whistling softly, as behind him Martin unfolded his note.
YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION:
Please come to dinner tonight. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in.
PS When you find my tongue in your mouth rather than the food, that means dinner is over and the sex has commenced.
- THE END -
The Neil Gaiman post: http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18932682858/as-requested-by-too-many-people-making-the-last-post
Fandom & Pairing: Cabin Pressure, Douglas/Martin
Rating: Gen, pre-slash
Warnings: none
Genre: humour, crack
Word Count: Around 600
Summary: Douglas ponders how to seduce an oblivious Martin
"And final flight checks complete."
Douglas cast a look across to where Martin was humming happily to himself while he collected up his things and prepared to leave the plane.
"I'll just go and finish up the paperwork in the portacabin. Douglas, do try not to trample me in your rush to get to your car!" With a cheeky grin in his direction, Martin headed for the stairs.
Douglas lent back in his seat and admired the view of Martin's shapely arse as the captain left the flight deck, his jacket slung casually over his shoulder. It was all profoundly annoying.
Douglas really wasn't used to having to work this hard at it. Frankly, he normally didn't need to do any work at all. A raised eyebrow and slow smile, an admiring glance sweeping slowly down from head to legs and back up, a tilt of his head in the direction of the door and his quarry for the night was already spreading their legs in anticipation.
However, he'd been trying to seduce Martin for months now and the younger man simply refused to notice. He'd tried innuendo but either it passed straight over Martin's head or the man thought he teasing. He'd tried flirting but that got the same result. He tried inviting Martin out for a special sushi meal while on layover and Martin had wrinkled his nose at the whole raw fish concept. He'd tried inviting Martin for dinner at his home and Martin had refused, his prickly pride convinced it was pity feeding. Between Martin's pride and his obliviousness and Douglas's well-established reputation for never taking anything seriously and always taking the piss out of Martin, he simply couldn't get his captain to take his overtures seriously.
With a sigh, Douglas climbed down from G-ERTI, leaving Arthur to his happy hoovering, and wandered across the tarmac. He was fresh out ideas and badly in need of some new inspiration. As he walked he scrolled through the twitter feed on his phone. A link caught his eye: Neil Gaiman on how to best seduce a writer. OMG!! loltastic!!! Douglas normally stayed well away from the acronym and multiple exclamation mark corners of the web, but he rather admired Gaiman as a writer. He clicked on the link.
...if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than slightly unlaid. So I would suggest...
Having read the post, he found himself grinning widely. Well, who was he to turn down advice from a master? He might make a few small changes but overall it was sound advice to anyone wanting to seduce the terminally oblivious.
He wandered into the portacabin, ignoring Martin's look of exaggerated surprise, and found himself a piece of paper. With a quick look back at his phone, he wrote out his message, folded the paper in half, and put it down in front of his captain.
"Martin, this not a joke, its not a tease. It is a cheerful note laying out as clearly as I can my intentions. Please do read it at your leisure and I hope to see you at mine at eight."
He smirked at Martin's look of suspicious curiosity and let himself out, whistling softly, as behind him Martin unfolded his note.
YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION:
Please come to dinner tonight. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in.
PS When you find my tongue in your mouth rather than the food, that means dinner is over and the sex has commenced.
- THE END -
The Neil Gaiman post: http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18932682858/as-requested-by-too-many-people-making-the-last-post