Cease and Decease the Denial
This evening's Ghost was howling. Tragedy shaking the heart in my chest. My ribs pained me as if I had spent hours laughing hysterically or, crying dramatically. Regardless, they hurt. The breath in my lung was short lodged at the entrance of my throat where my unspoken words caught every gulp of air. I felt as if I was crumbling. As if the night would end and so would I. The morning was sure to come but would I come with it? At this point it did not matter. I only desired to grant the Ghost's wish. It begged me to end the screams. That he felt tormented. I sobbed, "But, why must it be I who perishes if you are the one suffering?" When the Ghost replied, "Miss, it is you who howls and not I."
No, I refuse to tell him "I love you". Been there, suffered through that. Besides, what is there left to offer anyone when they are able to do it for themselves? Love, real love, is not a necessity. It is a longing. Wanting to walk with someone on their journey and for them to join in yours. And if there is no need for you or rather, a want, then what is there left to do but admire them at a distance? I'll cheer from the sidelines hoping that my encouragement not only reaches him but will drown out the "what if"s I selfishly hang on to.
No, I refuse to tell him "I love you". Been there, suffered through that. Besides, what is there left to offer anyone when they are able to do it for themselves? Love, real love, is not a necessity. It is a longing. Wanting to walk with someone on their journey and for them to join in yours. And if there is no need for you or rather, a want, then what is there left to do but admire them at a distance? I'll cheer from the sidelines hoping that my encouragement not only reaches him but will drown out the "what if"s I selfishly hang on to.