Thats it.
I've given up on boys... until such time as I can handle my own mess.
Believe me I have a fucking huge mess on my own, I can't handle anyone else's.
The last couple of weeks has been so crazy. When it comes to guys, I can't even deal with it sometimes.
I miss Rico, I miss so many things about him. The memory of just his touch makes me.... even the memory of his morning breath makes me smile sometimes... pathetic I know. Anyway, he's with other boys. They know that touch, they know what his kiss feels like, they get to be around him. *Insert ice water over my head* Whatever trust I had with him before is diminishing. A kiss won't feel the same, a touch won't be as deep, and I don't know if I'll get to be around him anymore.
I can't handle a relationship right now, its been made crystal clear for me to see all along but I didn't want to see it. I do miss the comforts of having a relationship, but not enough to throw myself into one and end up hurting both of us. Its not fair, life's not fair, I'll get over it, I'll live with it for now.
I do have someone I want to get to know him better though, and just that. It proves tricky when he's traveling around the US for two months, and has already graduated. Its just something new; I have the right to that.
- In more general news.
I'm staring at a bottle of Zoloft on my desk. Its new.
I got drunk and started smoking last night. I only smoke when I'm stressed.
Don't preach about drinking and anti-depressants, I could write a book on my experiences with the two.
Believe me I have a fucking huge mess on my own, I can't handle anyone else's.
The last couple of weeks has been so crazy. When it comes to guys, I can't even deal with it sometimes.
I miss Rico, I miss so many things about him. The memory of just his touch makes me.... even the memory of his morning breath makes me smile sometimes... pathetic I know. Anyway, he's with other boys. They know that touch, they know what his kiss feels like, they get to be around him. *Insert ice water over my head* Whatever trust I had with him before is diminishing. A kiss won't feel the same, a touch won't be as deep, and I don't know if I'll get to be around him anymore.
I can't handle a relationship right now, its been made crystal clear for me to see all along but I didn't want to see it. I do miss the comforts of having a relationship, but not enough to throw myself into one and end up hurting both of us. Its not fair, life's not fair, I'll get over it, I'll live with it for now.
I do have someone I want to get to know him better though, and just that. It proves tricky when he's traveling around the US for two months, and has already graduated. Its just something new; I have the right to that.
- In more general news.
I'm staring at a bottle of Zoloft on my desk. Its new.
I got drunk and started smoking last night. I only smoke when I'm stressed.
Don't preach about drinking and anti-depressants, I could write a book on my experiences with the two.