Fic: Crossing Borders (16/?)

[zarrati]

Title: Crossing Borders (16/?)
Author: zarrati
Rating: R for Language, sexual content, and violent/traumatic themes
Fandom: Parks and Recreation-Leslie/Ben
Author’s note: Just when things look their worst, help comes from the most unlikely of sources.


This was a new kind of numbness.

This was a numbness where the greasy strands of hair falling into her face didn’t bother her anymore, where the stench from the bucket in the corner no longer invaded her nose.

A numbness where Ben’s screams and groans stopped causing her to flinch, to scream in protest, to cry herself to sleep.

Her heart still clenched at every whimper, at every cry of her name from his lips, but it wasn’t even close to what she had been feeling, what she should be feeling. She had shut down, her mind now as lifeless as her body. It wasn’t all that shocking, that she would retreat into herself in order to preserve whatever sanity she had left, but it was still something she’d never thought she’d ever have to experience.

Those first few days were truly torture. She could only imagine the horrors happening in the neighboring cell--and she did. Her nightmares were filled with every gruesome scene conceivable, the now all too familiar sound of Ben’s screams replaying over and over again in her dreams.

In some, she was off to the side, frozen and powerless to stop his suffering. In others-- the ones that caused her to wake up screaming and covered in sweat-- she was the one inflicting the pain. She was the one beating him over and over again or whipping him within an inch of his life.

In these dreams, he hated her, blamed her, cursed her name into oblivion for what she was doing to him. But there was also the look of betrayal, the shock that someone he loved could cause him so much agony.

And even after she woke up, after she realized that none of it was real, the guilt never left. She might not be the one wielding the weapons, but his blood was still on her hands.

So now there was only the numbness, the nothingness that she felt inside. She had tried fighting, tried negotiating, tried everything she could think of, but it all failed. All she could do now was wait to die.

If her father could see her now, he'd be so ashamed. Ashamed of her failure, and even more so, ashamed that she had given up hope.

But there was no hope, maybe there never was to begin with, but there certainly wasn't any now. When the week was up, she would be dead. Possibly along with everyone else that she loved.

She could only hold onto the belief that she was doing the right thing. That even without her, her country--her people had a fighting chance. Too bad she'll never know for sure.

Yurgin and his lackey still made daily visits, like clockwork coming in to make sure her basic needs were met just enough to keep her alive. Every day the same routine, the same questions, and everyday she gave the same answer.

They know they've broken her, she could see the hopeful glint in Yurgin’s eye, but she still wouldn’t give them what they wanted.

But better the numbness consume her, better that than the choking grief she had been feeling. The choking grief that they were hoping to use to their benefit and get her to agree to their terms.

If it was any consolation, she finally understood Ben just a little more. Sometimes it's better to just feel nothing at all, to completely detach from everything around you. It didn’t hurt this way.

Another scream echoed into her cell and she didn't blink.

~~~~~

Leslie almost didn’t register it at first. It wasn’t until the door was opened completely and the faint light stung her eyes that she even looked up. To say she was surprised would be an understatement. The opening and closing of that door was on a strict schedule, one that she had easily memorized in the past few days, but this was definitely new.

What shocked her even more was the fact that instead of the usual two figures, it was just the one--and not the one she would have expected.

The large man walked towards her after closing the cell door and Leslie instinctively recoiled against her chair like a caged, wounded animal. He wasn’t supposed to be here, she kept thinking to herself. Him being here alone couldn’t be a good sign.

He knelt down in front of her, studying her for a moment, before he attempted to untie the bonds on her feet. She jerked them away.

“What are you doing?” she demanded in a sickly, raspy voice. “Don’t touch me.”

The man’s usually cold, stoney face softened. “Please, we don’t have much time.” This was the first time she had ever heard him speak. His voice wasn’t nearly as gruff as she had imagined.

She pulled away again. “No, you’re not taking me anywhere. If Yurgin wants me, he can come and get me himself. Not send some lackey to do his job for him.”

“President Knope, please, I know you have no reason to trust me, but I’m here to help.”

“Like hell,” she spat. “You’re one of them. You think I don’t know? You think I don’t know that you’re the one doing all of Yurgin’s dirty work?” Her throat clenched. “You think I don’t know that you’re the one torturing Ben?”

The man’s hands dropped to his side, but he didn’t look away. “I’m doing what I have to do.”

Leslie let out a dark laugh. “For the greater good, right? All this has been for the greater good. Killing me is for the greater good. Making me listen as you torture the man that I love is for the greater fucking good.”

“No, ma’am,” the man shook his head, “that’s not it at all. This might sound absurd to you, and I understand that, but please believe me. I’m not on their side. Never was. I was sent here to infiltrate the group over ten years ago. Sent here by your father.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not. My name’s Jackson, Malcolm Jackson, Pawnee Special Forces, or at least I was. All of my records were wiped when I accepted this mission. We couldn’t run the risk of the group figuring out who I was. To them, I was another Pawnee defector.”

Leslie just shook her head. “No, that’s impossible. There is absolutely no record of this whatsoever. There is no undercover mission, nothing. I would have known. Someone would have known.”

“Your father knew what we were up against. Knew what they were capable of. He knew if there was any record, files, anything, I’d be found out. I guess he took this secret with him to his grave.”

“Then why? Why did you wait so long? How could you let all of this happen? How could you kill all of those people? How could you hurt Ben?!”

For the first time, he looked away. “I’m not proud of what I had to do, ma’am, but it had to be done. Yurgin trusts me now. It’s not easy to earn his trust, and I have had to see and do things that’ll haunt me to my grave, but I had to in order to work my way up to where I am. He’s paranoid beyond anything you could even imagine. One slip up and I’d be dead, and along with me, any chances of taking him down. I’ve been slowly and secretly gathering information that can be used against him. When he told me what he was planning, I knew this was my opportunity.”

Leslie shook in her chair and eyed him warily. God how she wanted to believe him, wanted to believe he was here to get her and Ben out, to help them save Pawnee, but he had no proof.

“Prove to me,” she said. “Prove to me why I should trust you. Why I should believe your story for one second when it sounds like something out of a spy novel.”

He surprised her again by smiling softly. “You know, your father said this might happen.”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare talk about my father.”

“Do you have any idea how proud he was of you, how much faith he had in you?”

“Stop it.” Her voice cracked.

“He knew that one day I’d have to prove myself to you. I’m prepared.” Jackson dug into his pocket and pulled out a keychain, but it wasn’t just any keychain. After over twenty-five years, Leslie still remembered it. It was crudely made, the Pawnee Crest on the front with a portrait of Li’l Sebastian on the back.

It was the keychain she had made her father for Father’s Day when she was ten-years-old.

“Where did you get that?” Leslie whispered, feeling the prickle of tears in the corner of her eye.

“I told you, your father. He knew that I might one day need to prove myself to you, so he gave me this.”

“Oh, my God, you’re telling the truth,” she said as she stared at the “Love Leslie” written on the corner of the keychain.

“I am. He said it was one of his most prized possessions, and that it was the only thing fitting for something as important as this. I respected your father very much, and I’m here to finish what he started.”

Leslie nodded slowly and allowed him to untie the binds on her feet and hands. “What are we going to do?”

“I’m going to get you out of here, but we have to be careful. If Yurgin or anyone suspects what’s happening, we’re all dead. I tried to send an encrypted message to the Capitol, but there’s no guarantee it was sent successfully before I disabled the transmission. We can’t hold out any hope that there will be anyone on their way to rescue us.”

Jackson got up after he untied Leslie and extended his hand. She took it tentatively and stood on shaky legs. “How are you going to do it? You can’t just walk us out of here.”

“I can try. Yurgin rarely comes down to this part of the compound unless it’s to visit either you or Major Wyatt. He’s preoccupied with planning your televised execution, so we should have some time. Plus, he’s too paranoid to have any other guards down here in this corridor with access to you. If we run into anyone on our way out, hopefully they won’t question me, and if they do, let’s hope they believe my lie.”

Leslie paused, turning to look in the man’s eyes as well as she could in the dim light. “How could you do it? How could you just abandon your life, your family, for this?”

“Wasn’t much to give up, really,” Jackson shrugged. “Wasn’t married or seeing anyone, no kids, parents died not long after I enlisted. I was a good candidate. No one to miss me when I was gone.”

Leslie actually felt bad for the man. He had given up any semblance of a life, risked his life for this. Endured God-only-knows-what to earn the trust of some crazed extremist. But she pushed all of that out of her mind for now. There would be time to dwell on it later. Right now, she had more important things to worry about. “So, how are we going to get Ben?”

Jackson shook his head. “Ma’am, we can’t-”

“No, don’t even say it. I’m not leaving without him.”

“We’ll be cutting it close just with you. I don’t think we can also handle Major Wyatt.” Jackson looked down and swallowed. “He, uh, he probably can’t stand or walk on his own right now.”

“Because of you!”

“I told you, I did what I had to do. My mission is to get you out of here and bring these people down. I’m doing that. I’m saving you and I’m helping to save Pawnee. We can’t risk that for Major Wyatt. We can always send people back-”

Leslie pushed Jackson away, stumbling slightly without his steadying hand. “And you honestly think that they’ll let him live once they realize we’re gone? No, if you want to save me, save our country, you will help Ben, and that’s an order.”

Jackson clenched his jaw and nodded stiffly. “Yes, ma’am. But remember that I warned you. If you really think taking Major Wyatt is worth the risk-”

“Yes,” she interrupted him. “Yes, he’s worth it. He’s worth every risk. For everything he’s done for me, for Pawnee, he deserves this, and I’m not leaving without him.”

Jackson nodded again and put out his hand. As much as she was loathe at this point to take it, her legs still weren’t strong enough after days of sitting to immediately hold her weight on their own. He wrapped an arm around her waist and they walked to the door.

Opening it slowly, Jackson stuck his head out and looked in either direction of the hall. “Coast is still clear, for now. Come on.”

Leslie limped the twenty or so feet down the hall until they were outside of the neighboring cell--Ben’s cell. She had to control her breathing to hold her emotions in check, but she was rapidly failing. After listening to him being tortured, after thinking she would never see him again, she was about to walk into his cell. Tears pricked her eyes before she could stop them.

“Ma'am, I, uh, I feel like I should warn you about what you’re about to see.” He had the decency to look ashamed. “Major Wyatt’s not in good shape. I can find a place to hide you if you want to wait out here or-”

“No.” Her voice cracked. “No, I need to see him. Please.”

Jackson nodded and slowly opened the cell door. “I’ll stand guard here, then. I’ll give you a few minutes of privacy, but please, we have to be as quick as possible.”

Leslie didn’t acknowledge him at that point, not when she looked in and saw Ben’s bruised and broken body lying still on the ground. Her breath hitched and suddenly her legs didn’t feel all that weak anymore. They were propelling her forward, towards Ben.

She fell onto her knees and hovered over him. He looked like hell. Large bruises covered every visible inch of his body, and she could see open cuts and sores. Her hands ghosted over him as she let out a sob. “Ben,” she said shaking him, but there was no response. “Ben, you have to wake up, okay?” The gentle caresses to his face soon turned into a light slap, mindful to avoid the worst parts.

At least the best that she could. There wasn’t an inch of his face that wasn’t swollen.

“Please, wake up. You have to get up.”

She continued to slap at his face, her hits and pleas growing more desperate. She couldn’t fathom the idea that he wouldn’t wake up, that she’d never get to hold him or look in his eyes again.

That she’d never be able to tell him she loved him one more time.

Finally, finally, she finally felt him stir beneath her fingers.

She could see his eyes moving beneath closed lids, the muscles in his cheeks spasm. “L-L-Le,” he tried to say, but he just couldn’t form the words.

She didn’t care. Just the fact that he was awake was enough. “Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me,” she half laughed, half sobbed as she ran a gentle hand down his cheek. He still hadn’t opened his eyes, but his lips kept moving like he was trying to speak. “I know you’re confused, and I promise I will explain everything to you, but I need you to open your eyes. Please?”

It looked like he was using every ounce of energy he possessed, but he finally cracked them open. She couldn’t remember smiling so big before in her life. “Hey. You wouldn’t wake up and you had me so scared.”

He just stared up at her, like he couldn’t believe she was real. She ran her hands softly though his hair. He was here, he was alive, and soon, he’d be safe.

The moment between them was broken by Jackson at the door. “President Knope, please, we need to hurry and get him out of here.”

She turned to Jackson and nodded before looking back to Ben, his confusion even more evident. She didn’t want to anything right now other than curl up next to him and cry, to hold him and take away every last bit of pain.

But they didn’t have the time.

“Just hold on for me, okay? We're gonna get you out of here."

Ben moved his head in an attempt to nod, but a grimace quickly formed on his lips. Leslie’s eyes once again swept up and down Ben’s body, and she had to quell her nausea. Jackson had been right, there was no way Ben could stand let alone walk out of here.

Before she could ask, Jackson was at her side. Ben’s eyes went wide and she could tell he was panicking. “Shh, it’s okay, Ben.” Leslie stroked his hair again. “I know how this looks, but he’s on our side. He’s gonna help us both get out of here.”

Ben’s breathing was still hard and fast, his eyes moving quickly back and forth between them, but he soon realized he had no choice but to trust him--not if he wanted to get out of his cell.

“I apologize for everything that has happened, Major Wyatt,” Jackson said as he slid his hands under Ben’s body. “But I swear to you that my allegiance is with President Knope and Pawnee. I will get you both out of here.”

Ben hissed but nodded slowly as did his best to help prop himself up against Jackson. After hobbling a few feet, Ben stopped.

“Please, Major, I know this is difficult, but we have to keep going. We don’t have much time left.”

Ben shook his head. “N-no, g-go ‘out me,” he forced out between clenched teeth.

Leslie turned to him. “Why does everyone keep saying that?! No, we aren’t leaving without you.” He made a move to protest but Leslie silenced him. “Just stop it, okay. I’m not going without you and that’s final.” She reached out and took his hand. her thumb running gentle circles on the black and blue-colored skin. “Just ask yourself, if it was me, could you leave me behind? Could you?” Ben looked away and she had her answer. “And neither can I. I can’t even imagine how much pain you’re in right now, but please, do whatever you can to help Jackson get you out of here. We’re going to make it Ben. We’re going to get out of here and save Pawnee and take Yurgin down and go home and have an amazing life together.” She smiled. “You got that, soldier.”

His lips were too badly swollen--otherwise she would have kissed him by now-- but from what little of his eyes Leslie could see, Ben was smiling back at her. He took on as much of his own weight as possible and the trio continued forward.

The basement of the compound was a dizzying labyrinth, hallways with twists and turns that never seemed to end. But Jackson seemed to know it like the back of his hand, never once blinking as they turned the countless corners.

Every few hundred feet, Ben needed to stop, slumping against the wall for a few seconds before nodding slightly to Jackson. He was struggling, even suggesting more than once that they just leave him behind, but Leslie wouldn’t hear it. She wasn’t leaving without him.

Thankfully, Ben seemed to be getting incrementally stronger, not weaker, the stretches he could walk without a break growing longer and longer.

“How big is this place?” Leslie asked as they turned down yet another hallway.

“Fairly large. Mostly for storage and stockpiling weapons, but there are a fair amount of people that live here as well. I am taking the longer way out since there’s a lesser chance of us being found if we go this route.”

Leslie ran a hand along the cold cement walls as they walked. “So what happens next? We leave here and then what?”

“I’m not sure, ma’am. I can only hope that my transmission from earlier went through. If that’s the case, then within the next hour or so your people will be here. If we can make it beyond the perimeter of the compound, we wait out a rescue team.”

“And if they don’t come?” Ben asked.

“I’m more familiar with these woods than almost anyone. Another benefit of Yurgin’s paranoia. He rarely let anyone outside the property of the compound. Except for me, of course.”

Ben didn’t seem convinced. “We won’t stand a chance out there once they realize we’re missing. They’ll be swarming those woods and your cover will be blown. We’ll be sitting ducks.”

“Then I guess we better hope your people get here in time, don’t we,” Jackson answered without missing a beat.

Ben stopped walking and turned his head as best as he could towards Jackson. “Is this some fucking sick joke to you?” he spat angrily.

“Ben-” Leslie tried to calm him, but he cut her off.

“No. I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but I think I’ve been fairly calm considering you are the same man that beat the living shit out of me for the last few days and left me to die. Now I’m supposed to just blindly follow you out because you say that you’re on our side? For all we know you’re just leading us to our deaths.”

Leslie turned Ben’s face towards hers, her hands cupping his cheek as he looked him in the eye. “Ben, please, I know this a lot and might be too much for you to handle after what you’ve just gone through, but he’s telling the truth. He was sent here by my father to infiltrate the group. He’s been here gathering information for years.”

He shook his head. “No, that’s impossible. I would have known. Hell, you would have known.”

“That’s what I thought, too. But it makes sense. It’s definitely something my dad would have done. He knew they were planning something big, just waiting to strike again, so he sent Jackson here to try to do what he could to stop it.”

“And he never once told you?”

Leslie looked away. “There were a lot of things my father didn’t get to tell me before he died. Maybe it was his way of protecting me. Maybe he thought he had more time than he did.” She looked back at him, her eyes fierce and determined. “For Jackson’s sake, it had to be top secret. You saw what they’re capable of, how many people they have on the inside. If there was anything, he’d be dead by now.”

“But how? How do you know for sure he’s telling the truth?”

She rubbed her thumb lightly over a large bruise on his cheek. “He showed me something. Something my dad gave to him in case he ever had to prove himself. Trust me, there’s no other way he could have gotten it if my dad hadn’t have given it to him.”

“I don’t know how much worth my word has to you, Major,” Jackson said, “but I swore an oath to protect and serve Pawnee when I was 18 years old. I know you can understand that. I was special forces for almost ten years before I took this mission. I did this because I believed in my country and my leader. My only priority is making sure that President Knope makes it out of here alive.”

Ben looked at Jackson before closing his eyes and letting out a pained sigh. Leslie tugged gently on the back of his neck and let his forehead rest against hers.

“I’m just so tired, Leslie. I want it all to be over.”

“I know,” she breathed. “Me, too. But we’re gonna make it out of here, okay? I know you might not trust Jackson, and that’s understandable, but you trust me right?”

He nodded.

“And I trust him. It’ll all be fine.”

Jackson cleared his throat beside them. “For what it’s worth, you’d be dead in a few days regardless if you stayed behind in that cell. At least with me, there’s a chance I’m telling the truth. Some chance is better than none, right?”

Ben eyed him up and down. “I don’t really have much of a choice though, do I?”

“Not if you want to get out of here, you don’t.”

Ben’s eyes flitted between Leslie and Jackson before pointing to the large man. “You have to promise me something. You have to promise me that if anything happens and I’m not physically capable to keep up or am dragging you down, you leave me.” Leslie opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. “Do you understand? You take Leslie and you go.”

“With all due respect, Major, there was never a choice. I’d leave you behind without a second thought.”

Ben nodded, and the proud look on his face was enough to make Leslie sick to her stomach.

“Well, since I’m apparently the only one immensely opposed to that idea, I suggest we hurry up and keep going so it doesn’t become a reality.”

She resumed her position next to Ben, holding tightly onto his hand as they continued to walk down the corridor.