~(not that there was a door or anything it just adds some effect don't you think?)

[zarla]

Just need to beat Sheol with ??? and Samson and the last level with ??? and I'll have all the character unlocks in Isaac, yesss.

Anyway while I'm doing posts I haven't done in a while, hey, let's do a badfic quote one! Since it's been a while and also this file is enormous, I should stop letting it get backed up like this. I should write up a new intro BUT THIS ONE IS RIGHT HERE, WHY NOT USE IT

If you're new to the party, I enjoy collecting out-of-context quotes from fic that make me laugh. Some of them are from fic I like, some of them are just bizarre, and some of them will make you question the existence of loving God. BUT I COLLECT THEM ALL whenever I come across one in my travels along the internet I save it in a text file. IT'S SORT OF BECOME A HOBBY.

Gathered from various sources I don't recall now.
Comments in italics are from someone else.
Comments in italics with a ~ in front are from me.
And as always

THESE ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK
I CAN'T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH
IF RAPE, UNDERAGE, INCEST, BEASTIALITY AND GOD KNOWS HOW MANY OTHER SQUICKY THINGS BOTHER YOU THEN DON'T READ THESE
in particular anything SPN-related will probably be skinpeelingly disturbing, so look out for things mentioning Dean, Sam, Jensen or Jared.

There might be repeats but get over it, I'm lazy. Also I usually can't provide a source for these - I kind of like just having them as random, inexplicable snippets with no author or context. BUT GOOGLING THE LINE IN QUESTION MIGHT HELP YOU if you're really desperate. I actually went to try and find the fic where Travis got punched in the stomach from my saved snips and it appears to have vanished from the internet. SOMETIMES THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.


Summary: fallen!Cas AU where he rips out his grace and falls the regular way. Years later, Dean has a kind of unhealthy relationship with a tree.

Author note's POLL WHAT SHOULD I MAKE DUO?
/STRAIGHT AND HOMOPHOBE? Probably won't do that.
/BI
/OR STRAIGHT BUT NEVER ENJOYED SEX ALL THAT MUCH until Heero ofcourse
In all these scenarios duo is still a slut.

in a town that does not exist, in a desert without a name, she will turn to him and say: “I took a nap and slept for years.” all he will say is: “I know.” (a collection of moments best left to the dreamers).

PART 1: Gordon Freeman is Fucking Cool

They fucked for a long time, but to them, forever wouldn't be long enough. They stared into each other's eyes and saw love. They really did only two positions, the forward cowgirl and the western missionary.

J2 historical AU. Jared is rising star in German politics, and Jensen is his secret "mistress." Does their relationship have a future, or will they be ripped apart by the pressures of society? (Warning: AU where Germany wins WWII.)

I'm looking for an AU where they're jumbo shrimp. It's McKay/Sheppard. I'm pretty sure they got made into a salad, although I might have imagined that bit.

"Emi, I've decided that I don't need your vibrator anymore." Minako said.
"Oh? Finally took the big plunge with Gyore?" Emi asked.
"Yea. He was much better than that vibrator." Minako said.
"Well, it is a cheap one. I don't really need it anymore - you keep it or sell it." Emi said.
They all lived somewhat dysfunctionally but happily ever after.

After the Apocalypse comes, love, home, god, and loyalty are ideas stolen from fairy tales. But the love mecha named Kinky Dean - with Sam the mechanical dog by his side - wants to make the saddest angel in world happy in the only way he knows how. Together they will remake the Impala, the woman they all know as Mary, the future world itself. But can a home be found in a future where everything real is obsolete?

I started getting so horney that I was on level 3 which was the state where I wanted to come. But since I havent fucked Samus yet, I would want to let my load in her. So I got Samus and went up to her body and bent her legs in the air with her ass facing upwards. I than stuck my dick inside her and I was getting such a big orgasm from this.

Summary: Roxas managed to forget about his inhuman terror of roofies and physical contact with cuddle puddle minions for a moment. (Raving, with benefits. AxelRoxas. AU.)

Her nipples were hard to the point of nearly exploding.

The definite sign of a well made potion... Maybe... this experiment wasn't in vein.

Josh: I am cumming soon!! I have to pull.
Zelda: Well pull then.
Josh: Do you want me to!?
Peach: Nah, its under control.
Samus: *gasp* *pant*......no Josh......*pant*.....blast your fucking cum right in my pussy. BLAST YOUR LOAD DOWN MY HOLE!!!
Josh: Huh!?
Zelda: Dont mess with his mind like that or he will.
Peach: Um, its no prob. It is under control.

Roxas stared at them. He had never seen people like this before. The tall red head, Axel, immediately drew him in. He suddenly wanted to be noticed. He probably wouldn't even have cared if this man turned out to be a rapist.

A mephitic scent hovered over the sole remaining inhabitant of the degenerated domicile- a toilet with ripples of rust coating the borders of the bowl, only because no nocturnal brigand would bother exerting a surplus amount of energy to dismantle the off-white receptacle.

Dean, who is only slightly overweight himself, watches his morbidly obese son waddling with difficulty from the fridge to the couch. He's somehow aroused by this.

Joe/Nick. Joe is Nick's cat. Except for how one morning Nick wakes up, and Joe's a boy. Sort of dub-con.

Roxas was a glowsticking kid, which is to say, he liked going to the raves to dance, and possibly work off some of that anxiety that he felt from working in a bookstore where all of the customers were either retards or bookfags. (Being a bookfag himself, Roxas hated being outdone in his bookfaggotry, and was even less tolerant of them than the idiots. Probably read fan fiction, the bastards.)

Rodney loses his virginity at an anime con in 1983 to a girl dressed as a kitsune. She has black-tufted fox ears and three knee-length fluffy tails held on with a belt under her skimpy and unauthentic yukata. By the end of the con weekend, Rodney has furry white cat ears of his own and a thing for being called sama in bed.

Heero was humming slightly and there was an almost sort of bounce in step. And let me tell you something, he didn't have a vibrator in his ass.

"I laced your food and water with a chemical known as 3-tungsten galodimaphosphate. It stimulates the brain in such a way as to make a woman very horny." Desert punk said. "You should be unable to control yourself any minute now..." Junko then doubled over.
"AH! OH GOD NO!" Junko screamed.
"What's the matter there?" Desert Punk said with a horny smile. "Getting the urge to merge yet?"
"God I want sex now!" Junko said in a combination of fear, panic, and anticipation. "But not with you!"

""Hey! Stop that!" Desert Punk said. He tried to remove his fist from her pussy, but found it was solidly locked there. He couldn't get his fist out of her. Junko's moaning became much louder as she worked her snatch on his fist.
"Damnit! I can't pull out! Why is this always happening to me?" Desert Punk asked.
"Maybe if you respected women more, we'd respect you back." Junko said between moans.

Unable to contain himself, the Demoman sobbed with relief and lust, kissing the Pyro's naked face. One cheek was peachy-soft, the other slick with scar tissue. The Pyro kissed him deeply while fondling his silk-covered ass.

After being dispelled into the pleasantly cool environment, the syllables that had clambered sluggishly up his throat sounded remarkably hushed and innocent as the intricate auditory effect crawled into the gaping, offering passages of his ear canals and gradually processed within the incarcerating bonds of a tired, mangled and gently perplexed brain.

Josh: Oh man I am tired, what I would do for a massage.
Peach: Oh and you want us to do it?
Josh: Well I dont really mind who does, I just would like one.
Samus: Well I am an expert at keeping the body fresh and healthy with massages.

Jensen's just left his entire life behind in Chicago to prove to himself once and for all whether he's born to be a dancer. He really doesn't think so, but fellow dancer Jared has never been more sure of anything else. When Michael Jackson dies suddenly, leaving this whirlwind of a tour at a stand-still, Jensen, Jared, and the rest of the dancers struggle to make sense of the fact that all they just worked so hard for has just exhaled into a fading sunset.
The goal of any artist is to be able to celebrate passion, creativity, inspiration, and the relationships that get us through it all. Jensen's journey tells the story of Michael Jackson's influences, the impact he's had on everything that came after him, and how this elite group of modern hip hop dancers pulls it all together and makes it their own.

"It's always like this!" she said, brushing her hair back and adjusting her aviator hat. (How indie of you, Roxas thought, thinking much better of his own Swiss Miss knitted monstrosity. Now that was a hat with character.) "At least all the good ones are. And just think, by the time we get there, it will be late enough that all the fun will begin!"
~just when you thought kingdom hearts characters could not get more annoying.

When Ariadne is ten years old, her parents are killed and she is saved by Batman. Also known as the Eames-is-Batman story.

There was another very loud silence with a lot of not-quite-looking-around and finally Sam, to break the god awful tension, asked what they'd all been wondering. "So, what is it? It's not an Elf or a Dwarf and I reckon that I've never heard of any mixture of the two."
"It is not polite to speak of it," said Legolas primly.
"It was not polite to get Gimli pregnant and yet you did so," Aragorn pointed out.

"Mistress, I would be grateful if you sucked my cock." Guy said.

"Why don't we get more comfortable while we eat Murdock." Face said in his most seductive voice.
"Anything you say Face" Murdock answered, his voice thickening with lust as he quickly stripped away his clothes, and freeing his hardening cock. Together they sat on the couch to eat their lunch. Face had fries and a cheeseburger, while Murdock had fries and not one, not two, but *three* chili dogs.

He felt as though his cock was in a gnat's ass.

Peached layed down on the bed on her side and I grabbed one of her leg and held it up as I scooted my body towards her. I then shoved my dick inside her and started screwing her good.
Peach: Oh Josh

Don't get me wrong Heero Yuy was gorgeous, but also freakin innocent. In his hometown one did not talk about sex, you just didn't. Of course he had seen the necessary porn in his life with his friends but it didn't interest him one bit. Straight porn mind you, never had it occurred to him to be interested in his own gender. That wasn't the problem though. How could you know if you're straight or gay if you just plainly hadn't reached puberty yet? Physically he had. Like I said he was gorgeous but mentally nope, this man didn't wank he didn't even have a wet dream! He wasn't interested! He could have been a monk, but all that was going to change, change very soon for he was now a teacher at Fairwater's school. But no one called it that anymore, he innocent virgin that he was, got himself a job at the slutschool

"You are very tight." Gyore said as he worked his magical meat back and forth.

REQUEST: Dean/Sam, established relationship, evil doll, penis mutilation
Dean brings home an evil-looking clown doll to scare Sam. The doll is cursed and is loyal to Sam because of Sam's demon blood. One day the doll comes alive while Dean and Sam are having sex. Thinking Dean is hurting Sam, it chops off Dean's penis.

I started to blush really red. Zelda and Peach then wrapped their arms around me and kissed me on my cheeks. After that, they started undressing. Samus started to take my clothes off. Now we were all laying in our undies and panties.
Peach: Josh, get ready for the night of your life.

Edward’s grip - with hands and thighs, both - tightened on Jacob until several major bones fractured, though neither noticed, caught in the throes of orgasm

They felt an intense passion flow between them. Yoko felt at ease being in Kamina's strong arms, and she felt like she was meant to go there. Kamina also felt wonderful holding Yoko close. He enjoyed the feel of her ample tits on his broad pecs. The two of them kissed for a bit, playing with each other's tongues. It was nothing but pleasure in each other's arms. When they came up for air, Kamina invited Yoko to lie in bed with him, and she eagerly agreed.

Roxas knew how to really dance when he wanted to. His spasmodic riotous jerking about was actually just a clever way to pop every joint in his body and exhaust him so that he could go to work for another without snapping and choking whoever next asked him when the next Harry Potter book came out. ("Jesus Christ, guys, IT'S OVER," Roxas had said on multiple occasions to different people. Honestly, he thought the hype for the last book might have put it in perspective for some people.) He had just never had the opportunity to do it before. After all, grinding looked absurd when you were by yourself, sort of like those cat macros involving invisible bikes and cheeseburgers. Roxas refused to be like a cat macro.

Next, like a Louisville slugger he began to 'thump' my clitoris like a "Whack-a-Mole".

Three offers for drinks get turned down, all in a row. Everyone must be curious why Hal's not taking those cute fucks 'round the corner. Nah, he's looking for someone to shove it up his ass tonight. He needs it, bad.

“Uh, yeah, sure, lemme go get it…” Sniper mentally berated himself as he went to the cabinet in the corner. What the hell had he expected, and in depth discussion on the postwar avant-garde? Demoman was just a crazy drunk. Having him around was like he’d invited a homeless person to his house. What the hell were you supposed to talk about?

"O! My darling brother this is just divine," I said. "Now fuck me." I used the word for the first time. He climbed on top of me. His cock was large and angry with thick veins coursing over it. I held it. It was hot. I took it to my pussy. I inserted it. My pussy was so wet that it went in producing a momentary sharp pang as the membrane ruptured-my brother was taking my virginity, what more could a girl want.
He is pumped and I moved my pelvis to his rhythm. Soon he ejaculated; my orgasm coincided. He waited for me and then gave me another. Later my brother said that girls do not generally have orgasm in their first.
"Generally they don't, because generally it is not the brother who does it," I said.

Arthur works at the music store in the mall. Eames works across the way at Spencer Gifts. He tries to woo Arthur with stupid, ridiculous items from the shop, brings him the best smoothie mixes made my Yusuf from Jamba juice, etc.

He had a long hanging scrotum and it was spanking my asshole as he thrusted into me.

He was nervous very nervous. He Heero Yuy was almost wetting his pants, he a grown up man! And of course in his nervousness he forgot to actually go to his first class. Smart ne?

Shauna had a remarkable, well-developed cunt, but her son had no idea. All he could see was that she had a big one with a bunch of stuff in the crack and something most odd. She had two small patches of thick pubic hair on the mound and that was it. Nowhere else, and those patches were a razor’s width apart about the size of a half-dollar, and the hair on each was braided. It was almost like a little black girl ran into his mother’s beaver and got her head stuck. Had all the surrounding skin been black, that is exactly what it would look like, but all of Shauna’s skin was creamy white - no tan lines.

Barney had done this to him. Barney had turned Ted into a vampire.

"Don't talk about me like that, I'll feel like some kind of a vulture."
"Vulture, indeed. So sorry. Hey, if they're ever, ya know, reluctant or some, just kidnap the studs and sit them at the edge of a cliff. That way, they'll be forced to back into you."
"Seems like you've got some experience with this, huh? Steve, you cad!"
The two men share a good laugh. Even Dave snickers a little, until he realizes what they're talking about. That Otacon's gay.

Yoko couldn't help but run her hands over Kamina's broad pecs and really liked touching his buns of steel. Kamina also ran his hands over Yoko's soft, smooth skin. Her breasts bounced like two basketballs as Kamina rammed his rod deep inside Yoko and back. They seemed to connect on a level that they never had felt before.

When his baby brother dies of SIDS, little Dean discovers the appeal of dead bodies.

After I filled her hole, I went and put my mouth on her pussy and told her to cum. She cummed right into my mouth and I drank her pussy-cum and then swallowed it. (Yummy!)

"Yes I did, you're kind of hard to miss, but then where were you on the first day of class, Duo?" Heero smirked knowing that he had won this ow so silly battle. (Others would call it foreplay, but of course our innocent angelic detention giving virgin had no idea what that was)
So Heero smiled at the stunned look in the boy's eyes, which he had yet to define the colour of, and left.

The foot-long erection tore his anus, making him scream from the slightest move the naga made within him.

“I ‘ave said what I meant to say,” the Frenchman said, bringing his cigarette back to his lips. “If you wish to be paranoid, be my guest, but-”
“Ye were gonna say nigger, weren’t ye?” Demoman spat, pointing his large index finger at Spy. Spy frowned at this, but the surprise of being found out was discreetly apparent on his face. For his part, Demoman wasn’t surprised, but instead angry, and, if anything, disappointed. The subtle racism was a dull thud to his heart, like the unpleasant appearance of a disdained relative. But any introspection he might have head was snuffed out by his wrath, stimulated by his unwilling sobriety.

Pain still resided in him from when Riku'd forced his giant cock into his small entrance, and every movement was a harsh reminder of it as he struggled to remain calm and not move. But still... there was something erotic about the way Riku was practically slurping him down. He'd never felt anything like it in his life.

Which was what Sora felt like he was now, a mid-summer's treat that was dripping in the bathing sunlight and being sucked down to the core, fully replenishing the taste buds and a dire thirst, and licked down to the very last sweet drop.
Sora's hands curled into the silver locks of hair, head thrown back as screams of pure rapture continued to pour out freely.

His lips stretched over Sora's nose.
Please don't do this....
And then Sora was screaming again as a harsh suck drew him the rest of the way in, and all vision and sound was cut off as his face slapped into the roof of the naga's mouth.

Everything was pitch black, and no matter how many times Sora blinked he couldn't get used to it. It left him feeling horribly uneasy and he whimpered, curling up on himself a bit more. The lining of the stomach was welded into what felt like thick bumps, and each bump was grounding into him so it felt like a wet massage.
It was disgusting...
But it felt wonderful.

"Oh, fuck, Curtis," Kanye sighed, spreading his knees for better leverage. "Homosexual sex is never this good with women."

"Non, not moi dick! Oh, non, you 'ave made me un woman! Oh, c'est horrible; what is left to live for in zis world if I am un woman?" He wept at the sheer sadness of it all, wept in the face of the travesty, and the RED Medic laughed.
"If you haff nuzzink left to live for, zen let me take off zis mask for you as vell," he said, tearing the BLU Spy's balaclava from his face, exposing his stubble, the lines of his face, and most importantly, his long, blonde, flowing locks.

Well, after some time of this, They shifted around again. Haruhi continued to eat out Mikuru's tight snatch while Kyon slid his hard tool into Haruhi's eager beaver. She seized his trouser snake hard, and smiled as Kyon started pumping her hard.

‘Look at him! That fair unblemished skin and pouty lips!’
‘Wow…hairless body. Does he squeak like a girl, Malfoy?’
‘Nice balls, Potter!’
‘His arsehole looks so tight! Hmm..I REALLY want to plunge my tongue in and lap at his delicious honeyed canal, then ream him with my huge cock till he bleeds.’
‘Think we can take turns sucking his puffy nipples till they swell as big as a woman’s and leak milk?’

And her eyes - glassy blue, but dark, like the ocean after a storm - her eyes are the doorways into her perfectly broken soul.

Summary: AU based on the Lady Gaga/Beyonce video “Telephone”. Eames is Gaga; Arthur is Beyonce. Read it if you think homicidal maniacs are hot?

"I tied you up and forced myself inside you. I made you bleed. How the hell is that not rape?" Rodney shot back.
John touched Rodney's cheek. "You made me cum," he said softly.

Peach and Samus wanted to start fisting while I fucked her, so they began. Samus gripped both her hands and then shoved her first into her pussy working her way in, then she worked her other first into her asshole. She kept fisting Peach as Peach felt a big orgasm and then started cumming. Samus pulled out the first fist from her pussy and it dripped with Peach's cum, then Samus pulled out the second fist from the other hole and it was dry.

"Holy crap!" Arwen exclaimed as she came down the stairs.

"Ohhhh, yes, Joey, eat that pussy!" Phoebe moaned. "Eat it good. Your such a good pussy licker, Joey!"
"Oh, God, Joey, fuck me! Do it now!"

The cause had been two girls, one of them being the girl with out undies he had seen, which seemed to come in handy, thinking that gave him another nosebleed for it was a very bad pun. I hope you know what I'm getting at because I couldn't possibly make Heero think it or say it. Okay maybe I can. The other girl had some of her fingers up there you know and the longhaired blonde who was on the receiving end seemed to enjoy it very much indeed.
Heero was about to scream bloody murder when they noticed him.
"Well He~lo there." It was an annoying over sweet voice. I'm sure you know the type I'm talking about. The kind that fits on a 5 year old girl with a lollipop but was hell annoying on a well how old would she be? 17 year old girl.
"Can we *do* anything for you?"
"Ohh would you just shut up or do I need to remind you where your hand is right now" The blonde girl huffed, she was getting frustrated You probably would be to when someone was giving you some nice hand work and then she goes off flirting with the next guy who passes by. Makes you feel unappreciated doesn't it?

As it turned out the lingering taste of Rodney's come complimented the macaroni and cheese quite well.

There's so much breathless reverence in his voice, Arthur just goes slutty for him, asshole syrup-warm, giving. Eames's cock just slides that much sweeter, deeper into him.

The moderately weathered, victorious bodies of two significantly iconic human beings sat diligently perched upon a particle board constructed table, the fragile slab of wood being barely sustained by a twin set of ebony-tainted ladders. The truly dynamic duo raised their perfect, muscularly-sculpted arms high toward the dome-shaped ceiling of the densely packed arena as a glittering, four pound trophy of gold were each clasped in an ensnarement of slightly calloused fingers. Over nineteen thousand pairs of lungs compressed simultaneously as a chorus of approving, excited shouts and squawks poured vigorously from the vast horde of glowing, eager countenances. The rapid dispersement of sound washed over the pair of extremely gifted, young, Canadian men like a rogue tidal wave as The Suicide Blondes simply basked in their well-deserved glory. A spectacular array of lights exploding from small, metallic, box-like apparatuses obediently enshrouded and captured the triumphant contours of the feignly battered gentlemen, hovering behind the barrier laced distance like an unexplainable swarm of fireflies.

"This is absolutely despicable. I mean, this is fucking Wrestlemania for Christ's sake! You'd think that the restrooms would be more up to par than this," Jason commented sourly, his alert nose wrinkling in disgust.

He's never felt so much for one person before, and it's ridiculous that it took a sex island and choking collars for Sniper to find him but right now, he doesn't care.

Sometimes Jared wondered where Tom met these kinds of people. Not that he had anything against transvestites or transsexuals. He just didn’t understand their taste in art.

"I want you to put your big thingy in me." Sam says simply.
"Big thingy have a name, baby?" he asks, looking down at Sam almost as though his brother's hiding a secret that Dean already knows. Sammy just huffs and rolls his eyes, like Dean's an idiot.
"Want you to put your penis in me, daddy. Want all your sperm." And if that isn't just the hottest thing Dean's ever heard asked of him, he doesn't know what is.
~I seriously did that D: thing in real life. Not even joking.

Aang shook his head and held her closer, spooning her even more. The warm contact of her soft skin brought an immediate reaction from him. Arousal was always the way his body would deal with Toph.

Mechanics » reviews
A collection of shorts focusing on Dell Conagher and his amazing-as-hell robot hand. Warning: Gore, cannibalism, sex, etc. Some chapters are connected to previous ones, some are stand-alone.

Sam and Dean are both heavily pregnant with higher end multiples (triplets and up). How they came to be in this situation is up to you. A curse, some kind of idol or spell, or maybe they're breeders for heaven. They're both close to the end and they're swollen and sore and achey and hornier than you can believe but they're baby bellies are in the way so they need to get more creative. Nipple play (and lactation) is always a plus. Object inserition. Dry humping. Whatever you can cook up.

"Can I move yet?" Mello barely waited for the small nod of Near's head before slamming into him relentlessly searching for a certain part that owuld make him scream as though he just saw a corpse being eaten alive by another human who looked to have some form of rabies.

I grabbed Peach, Zelda, and Samus's heads and opened each of their mouths.
I stuck my dick into Peach's mouth and shot inside her.
Josh: One for you.
Then I stuck my dick into Zelda's mouth and shot inside her.
Josh: One for you.
Then I stuck my dick into Samus's mouth and shot inside her.
Josh: And one for you.

Sadly, now is not the time for one of their talks because he stands before Jared, silent. His eyes, such a perfect shade of trying-to-be-green, roam from Jared’s bulging biceps, mounded pectorals, rippling abs and sharp cut hips. Sighing into the hold of the wall, the place made just for him, Jared thrills that Master Jensen accepts this one offering of perfection that he can provide.

"Your nails are too long, Miles, clip them or you will be laughed at for being effeminate! Legendary prosecutors like myself wouldn't be seen dead with such feminine nails! Time spent getting manicures for those nails of yours could be time spent getting crucial pieces of evidence, Miles. Cut your nails!"
~I don't think Manfred von Karma of the pretty blue earrings and huge fluffy cravats and flowing hair is in a position to pick at someone for looking effeminate.

No one opened. So he pushed the door it creaked, squeaked and made more paining noises signalling that it really needed to be oiled. Those where nothing compared to the noises the secretary miss (lady) Une was making who currently was being oiled quite thoroughly by some student!
"Excuse me miss uuhh I came to pick up the key to my room I'm Heero Yuy the new Biology teacher."
He was sure he red as a tomato now and he knew that it was rude to interrupt but he wanted that goddamn key!
"Ohh .. yeah dahhling you'll have feeeeeetch it your seeeelf third drawer, that closet. Byeeeeeeee come visit me sometime ohh yeah Mark right yes right there."
Okay.. That was weird, weird beyond weirdness the secretary was being humped on the desk and she didn't stop and or feel embarrassed one bit. That wasn't normal right? He snorted. Hn like you would know Yuy, but this was no time discuss that again, he did way to often and he talked way to much to himself too, so much he didn't see the girl walking past him, so knocked in to her.

It is WW2 and Arthur and Eames are both Jews on a train being shipped to a death camp. Realizing that this is their last chance to be together, they decide to have one last fuck.
There is so much wrong with this, it's hard to know where to begin. For starters, worst place to have sex EVER.

Characters/Pairings: Joe Flanigan/David Hewlett
Warnings: Weird terminology during descriptions of sex. Abuse/disregard of Irish/Nordic folklore and fantasy conventions.
Summary: Joe was happy living a peaceful elf life. He had to put up with leprechauns trying to steal or destroy his precious liquid, but those turn out to be minor disturbances compared to the human who suddenly shows up close to his hut. Shooting a documentary about squirrels, David is much too close for comfort, and he seems to take a special interest in Joe.

"At least I'm not like you! I never want to be like you, or have anything in common with you! You and your so stupid impotent.. ness. If I knew that I would have never become friends with you! I wouldn't have this constant nagging of: Duo you went to fuck a girl was it nice well. huh. common. tell me. You get of on that don't you! Oh no I just remembered you can't. HA pathetic loser. Goodbye."
And he walked out slamming the door on his way out. (not that there was a door or anything it just adds some effect don't you think?)

Otacon sat back and watched Hal go by, dragging himself through the mud. Hal's head was no longer in the sky. Stuck in the ground, like a chicken.
C'mon, Darcy. Gotta march on. Sweet Aurelio's dead, he's got a smile carved on his face and a grave somewhere in the cold white winter. Stray dog winter.
Gotta move on.

Von Karma bit back at Miles with his vicious tongue almost immediately. "I said DO IT AGAIN!" He raised his hand to strike the cowering boy before him, and, putting in as much force he could muster, smacked his hand across the young Edgeworth's cheek, the contact of his open hand with the soft flesh of Miles' face making a loud noise that echoed around the room they were standing in.
~SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH

Jensen closed his eyes, losing himself in the music and trying to forget he was on the floor with a dog’s cock lodged in his ass.

Medibelle knocked on the large wooden door, looking bothered, as usual. S/he had trekked through the snow and the forest, past wolves and hidden pools of freezing water, just to get to this damned castle. Her/is pretty blue dress was torn and dirty; her/is cloak had done little to protect it from wear and tear. The door opened on its own, and s/he stepped in, stomping snow from her/is boots. There was no one to be seen, but Medibelle was unconcerned; often, in her/is life, had s/he been told of such things as ghosts and poltergeists. S/he had no time to fear them, but s/he believed. Therefore it was no surprise when a candelabrum jumped down the stairs to greet her/im, smoke rising up in plumes from its head.

"My name is Medibelle. Medibelle Escargot de Kritz l'Uber."

After that I slammed my dick into Zelda's pussy and filled it up with cum. Then she got another orgasm and I told her to aim in the air. She aimed in the air and shot gushes of cum and pussy-cum straight in the air which also hit the fan. It hit the fan and rickashayed off the fan onto walls, the bed, and onto us, and everywhere.

Roxas blinked. This whole family was weird. Reno was gay, Kairi's a lesbian, (from what Reno and Axel said) and Axel was Bi? If it were anyone other than the royal family, they'd be burned at the stake or some weird shit like that. Needless to say, Roxas didn't like it.

In the days before the Rohm-Putsch, Jared Padalecki, onetime member of the now defunct Communist Party, is living a mundane existence as a store clerk in Berlin. As his professional life goes downhill, he finally decides to visit the infamous Erbsunde that his brother Jaku, a former member of the RFB, and the rest of their friends have been visiting for the past year. During the Heyday of the Communist Party, Jared and Jakub fought for the party on the front lines long enough to gain enemies among the Nazis, specifically Johannes Ackles, now an important member of the SS, and the older brother of Jensen Ackles, a musician and composer with a tragic past who’s a performer at the club. There’s an instant connection between the two, and with the knowledge that forces beyond their control may keep them apart Jared and Jensen begin a relationship.

Draco left Hogwarts in the fifth year. Now, two year later, he returns... as an eight-year old. His eight-year-old self is helping, innocent... so why does Harry hate him so much? Slash.
ಠ_ಠ

That obnoxious-haired bastard had the nerve to laugh. "I like you, you funny," he said. "But no, GHB is not what I had in mind. The non-attentive sort of evening company are no fun at all. That, and I've got the feeling that you sleep like an angel and will look like a child."
"I do not," said Roxas. He was not pouting. Not.
"Yes you would," said (shouted) his compadre. "And then I'd get party vanned by the FBI for being a pedo bastard and have surprise buttsex in Buckeye, Arizona for the next five years. Even worse, I'd be catching."
Roxas quickly looked around to make sure no one was listening. This was taking an embarrassing turn, and in the wee hours of the morning, Roxas still had enough standards to not want to be remembered as part of the deuce Wild Pedo Roller and the Jail Bait Kid. (Ugh, what a horrible porn that would be, thought Roxas.)

To Captain Jensen “Jen” Ackles, living five hundred years in the future, only three things matter: his beloved ship, Artemis; keeping his crew safe; and his freedom in the stars. He and his crew are a courier service and will take any job - legal or not - to get money, food and to keep them flying. The crew’s stable life is knocked off kilter when they take on twin siblings, who just happen to be wanted fugitives on the run from the law with a $10 million bounty on their heads for their capture/rescue. The siblings are an unusual pair. Jared is a skilled doctor, but is in fact also a brainwashed consort (upper-class whores who are publically respected and privately derided) while his sibling, Milo, is a genetically enhanced assassin who is secretly psychic. Despite his better judgment, Jensen falls for Jared and they start a relationship. Jensen and the crew, along with Milo, Jared and Misha (Jared’s betrothed), soon realize their lives will never be the same again…

One last thing I wanted to try (since this is the Nintendo World and you can pretty much do anything.) I put my fingers toward my head and closed my eyes and jumped by orgasm level up a notch using the Nintendo Power.

The cartoon dog couldn’t take it anymore, climaxing with a silly Gahyuk, and cumming explosively. Sperm was already billowing out of the corners of Sora’s mouth when he pulled his friend's gooey cock out, flapping and jerking cum all over his flush face like a victory shower.

One of the boys needs to be punished by being tied down in the men's room. The pipe from the urinals is redirected into his ass.

Huh. Dick tasted like stale Cheetos with extra salt.

In external, immediate appearance, he was bizarre, a pariah; as he put it in jest, a “Black Scottish Cyclops.” In his time growing up in Scotland, he’d only ever seen one other person of African descent; a woman on a street in Glasgow, gone so quickly she might have never been there. His race had always been a source of torment; he still had a scar on his neck from where that little shit, Duncan, had pushed him into a jagged rock. ‘Go back to Africa’ still rang in his ears sometimes. But why go somewhere so foreign, so alien, where he’d be even lonelier? Scotland was his home, his beloved land; and yet, this love felt so one sided.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" Mom screamed dropping the laundry from her hands. This was probably the worst possible time she could have forgotten to knock.
"We uh..." he started climbing off of his younger brother. He was really at a loss for words.
"I AM NOT HAVING TWO FAGS LIVING IN THIS HOUSE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER."
"I HAVE MY PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!"

When Brandon was thirteen, a month after the man-beasts had occupied their village and raped all the women, he let a dog take his butt from his deep sense of curiosity. It was a neighbor's big black dog named Butch.

Ronon was good, Teyla observed with amusement. His time among the whites was rubbing off on him, lending him social graces that were a pleasant surprise.

When mom came back to my room she was naked and I was stunned to see her wearing a strap-on dildo. She had a couple of old towels in her hand. She tossed them to me and told me to spread them out on my bed. I obeyed. I watched as she lubricated the dildo with K_Y jelly. Then she fucked me with it! Raped me actually because I fought. She raped me into submission and continued to rape me through the long afternoon.

Anyone ever seen "David After Dentist" (or something close to that) on YouTube? It's ridiculously adorable. This dad filming his son after he had oral surgery of some kind and the kid isn't making sense/saying funny things. This prompt is inspired by that. Dean has to have some sort of outpatient surgery (either from a hunt, broken arm, bone sticking out, or oral...whatevs). The doctors pump him full of drugs so he won't be in any pain. On the way back to the motel, Dean is mumbling and rambling funny things when he starts talking about seeing John in his underwear and how big he looks. How he wishes he could feel his big cock. No established relationship, but Dean leans over and starts rubbing John through his pants. John just snaps. Whether they make it back to the motel or if John just finds an alley is up to you. Dean's kinda useless, his limbs not wanting to work for him, so John uses his mouth to get off. Holding him in place, pumping into his willing hole.
~Only SPN fandom could get this out of that video.

It was awkward for those moments. Huntah was in his bedroom doing something unknown. Virginity gave a deep sigh and looked down at the floor. His mind was so jumbled and confused whenever he tried to figure out how to be... "romantic". It was just not able to be done by him. As he heard a door close he stood and went out into the hallway to lean against the wall, watching as Huntah re-closed his door and looked over. He was so cute to look at. Like a kitten amist disgusting slugs. He noticed with a slight blush that Huntah was looking directly at him and saying something. He snapped out of his daydream and tilted his head.

Zelda went over to join Samus in the dick sucking fest while Peach scooted over to my face and spread her pussy and then sat on my face. I started to lick her pussy as it tasted sweet like honey. I used my hands to grab her legs as I licked and licked the soft rose petals of Peach's vagina as it was mother nature at it's best.

I did her fast and then unleashed my cum into her hole also and then pulled out as a stream of cum went on the bed. I commanded Peach to cum on my dick and she opened her pussy and then blasted a bunch of her pussy-cum onto my hard dick.
knackster: spoilers josh is having sex with a man in a Peach wig

Roxas was too manly to admit that as a slightly effeminate-looking male, he was mortally afraid of roofies.

“Free,” Demoman repeated the words. They sounded curious, alien, like some fancy foreign phrase he’d just become aware of.

After failing to cheat Bruce Wayne on a deal for drills, Vernon Dursley takes his frustrations out on Harry Potter, by abandoning him in Gotham City.

The initial pleasure of Karen's tightness was tempered by the feeling that I was humping a cadaver and was about to experience my first morgueasm. The sound of her wig rubbing against the back of the sofa was chilling.

The sight of Arthur's arse wet with his seed made him hold his breath. He inserted a finger inside, carefully, and listened to the delicious squelch as he moved it in exploring circles.

Cobb is the presidential candidate, Ariadne is his running mate, Yusuf is campaign manager, Saito is the sponsor, and Eames is the campaign photographer who spends way too much time taking picture of Cobb's speechwriter, Arthur.

Peach, Zelda, and Samus all layed there tired out with cum dripping from their mouths, faces, pussies, assholes, everywhere. Not a hole or area was uncovered. Cum was just oozing out of every hole, every area, every tit, and every mouth. They thought they could pwn me, but it seems I pwned them.

Everyone just sat there with our eyes closed drentched in loads of cum, gasping and panting like we had the biggest fuck of our lives. Everyone lost their virginity in a matter of minutes.
We all feel asleep on the bed as the girls hugged me, and I hugged them. The night drifted away, and the soft winds blowed.
A few months passed, all of the girls got pregnant and I had to force them to take the pill. It was the greatest experiene a Nintendo Fan ever had.
I fucked each one of them good, and that my friends, was the final level.

I am 20 and I am still a virgin. I dont plan on losing my virginity till I am married because of religion and morals. But its only a matter of time before I go where no Nintendo Fan has gone before.
I have never had a girlfriend, and a girl only kissed me once. I would do anything for a girlfriend.
I advise everyone not to lose your virginity till you are married because if you dont, you're going to possibly regret losing it as I know alot of guys who wished they never have had sex and wanted to be virgins again, but they couldnt.
But its everyone's destiny and path in life, and you choose your own path. But if you are not sure, best to wait it out because you may feel empty. But if Peach, Zelda and Samus were real, mabey I would have second thoughts. I'd do anything to fuck them.
Also, I masturbated to this story after I was done.

His gaze slid lower. To where the skin was soft and white and... pink. Pink, the color one found on a woman in all the wickedest places.

Feeling the need of more liquid reinforcement, Thranduil picked up and drained the wine from his goblet, and then refilled it from the carafe sitting within reach. "It seems strange," he mused aloud, ignoring his question, "that a dwarf would consider undertaking such a voyage when the Sea does not call to him."
"There are other calls than the Sea, you know," Gimli grunted
Like the call to totally nail your son.

If there was one thing Roxas should've known going to the Nosuma Household, (although it was actually a castle but whatever) it had to be big. And not just big, it was huge! The blond had to crane his neck to see the top of it, and you could barely see it because there were clouds! That's how big. Needless to say, Roxas gaped.

"You know, this would go much easier for you, if you just accept things. Just let it happen."
Rodney cringed. "I've never been with a guy, and I really don't like you."
Sheppard began to laugh. "That's another thing I like about you. No matter how nervous you get, you always have a witty comeback."

Arthur is an adult thumbsucker. He doesn't know how Eames will react if he spends the night. When Arthur's secret is discoveredd, Eames finally teaches Arthur how to relax and accept his habit. Especially since Eames finds it so, so sexy.

The Slave Holder named him Roku but that seemed like a stupid name at the time, so it became Roxas, courtacy(?) of Namine.

"Yeah," he breathes, staring at his fingers in Hal's ass. "Take those fucking fingers, you slut. Take 'em. Shit, your ass is so hungry, isn't it, it's begging to be fucked. I'm gonna fuck you with my huge cock, I'm gonna stuff your pussy. You want it, don't you? Yeah, take it!"

She licked her lips, a thought slipping through past her concentration. She wondered what it would feel like to do the licking, rather than be licked. Her tongue poked out from between her lips and she lapped at the air in time with the sensation in her pussy.
To her surprise there was something like resistance in the air, a sweet taste spreading across her tongue. She licked again, swearing she could feel wetness upon her lips, trickling down her chin.
Alison sighed happily and lay back on her bed, head propped on her pillow, continuing to lap at the invisible pussy in the air.
You ever look at your life and realize that at some point, without you noticing, it's become completely insane?

What he finds inside the box is indeed meat lover's pizza, except Eames has taken his dick out of his pants and draped it across the top of the pie, where it lies nestled among the toppings like a snake in the grass. A trouser snake. "...Isn't that hot?" asks Arthur, aghast. "I cooled the pizza off first," says Eames, like it explains everything.

Legolas clasped Gimli's shoulder. "Then what test would you choose, my friend, to be bested in?"
The dwarf took his arm in return. "We each are master of our own weapons, and it would be hard to judge between us in battle. I do not know what crafts you delight in, but I have not the implements or materials here to work in metal or in stone.
"Let us then set body to body, here in the glade, and see who may be thrown." Gimli's grip was firm and it tightened as he spoke.
Bow chicka bow wow

Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are the golden couple of America's corporate world, running two successful multi-billion dollar corporations and capturing the hearts of the American public with their low-key, yet extremely devoted relationship. When they come home one evening to find a dead woman in their foyer, the idyllic world they've built shatters, and they're forced to do something they never thought they'd have to do again-unleash their true selves.
The dead woman in their foyer isn't just a woman. She's Athena, goddess of wisdom and strategic warfare, Jensen and Jared are really Ares and Hermes, and someone is killing Greek gods.
Within days of the murder, Jared has been called upon by Misha Collins, also known as Zeus, and asked to resume his former role as Zeus's spy and messenger as he searches for the killer. Meanwhile, suspicions against Jared and Jensen keep mounting, and since gods and goddesses have never been good at minding their own business, Jensen is forced to hold off his not-so-helpful fellow Olympians.
And the body count keeps mounting...

In answer, the Pyro shoved him back onto the crate and splashed him with the alcohol. He touched it off again, and this time the Demoman really felt it. First degree burn, in his experienced opinion. He moaned, and the Pyro scrabbled at his belt. The Demoman bucked his hips to help his partner pull his pants down- and then he remembered what he was wearing underneath.
"No-" he gasped. He was wearing women's underwear. Blue women's underwear. The Pyro surely expected something out of him, something rough and masculine, and the Demoman was afraid of what would happen when he wasn't that thing.
knackster: WHOOPS WAS JUST KINDA WEARING THAT TODAY
zarla: JUST TOTALLY SLIPPED MY MIND

Cobb, in the height of what Arthur mentally termed his Poetic Bullshit Phase, called their first album PASIV / agresiv, and no one cared enough to challenge him on it. [Or, the one where they're a really shitty pop-punk band and Arthur is a bit of a douche, as people in really shitty pop-punk bands tend to be.]

Jensen is 21 years old when he is abducted by aliens and selected to be put in stasis in an intergalactic natural history museum. 300 years pass, and there is a war between humankind and the gray aliens. Captain Jared is a decorated hero from the wars against the Grays, and he - along with the rest of Earth, believe that the Grays have been vanquished. He decides to buy a ship, take a crew and go exploring. It turns out that there are still many things to tidy up, and one of them is a captive in a museum...

“Darling, are you a not bit ‘fifty-cent’?” James inquired, leaning in with a smile. A rather dashing one, Arthur would admit, pulling up more on the right than the left. “‘Cause I’d enjoy getting some ‘posh’, if you take a fancy.”

When Jensen Ross, an up and coming event organizer in New York, proposes to his perfect girlfriend, he knows that before they can actually get married he will have to deal with his family back down in Texas who he hasn't talked to in years - and, more importantly, with Jared, the backwoods husband he married after high school who refuses to divorce him.
To put matters straight, he decides to go to the South quickly and make him sign the papers, but when things don't turn out the way he planned them, Jensen starts to realize that maybe what he was looking for has been right where he left it the whole time...

They were legend, the Egyptology with a love of mysteries and the General with a love of adventure. Over the years they'd faced everything Egypt had to offer, never backing down and never giving in, until they'd tamed her secrets. What happens when they find themselves leaving their home for the wonders of the new world in search of a missing colleague? What happens when Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are surrounded by jungles and ruins and find the faith of the fallen serpent?

Suddenly there were long, slender fingers running nimbly across John's torso and making swift work of the remainder of his shirt buttons. John stared down at the pale white fingers, almost skeletal, which he had watched cradle the violin countless times, had watched cradle a corpse with identical care. The same fingers that were now ghosting across his skin, adept yet reverent.

Uhura gets pregnant and gets an abortion. Spock finds out, devastated he ends their relationship. He confids in Kirk that besides the obvoius endangered species thing It is near impossible for Spock to impregnate someone. Later Spock and Kirk have h/c sex. Kirk gets pregnant on purpose.

John falls asleep in a La-Z-Boy armchair in some hotel room and he's only wearing a robe. When he wakes up, young Sammy (no older than 10) has crawled between his legs to where his robe has fallen open and is innocently fondling John's hard cock. Sam was just curious about it and doesn't know that what he's doing is wrong. John is already hard from Sam's clumsy little kid fingers on his dick.
>I'm writing this, but I have in mind a much younger Sam (4-6). Will that be alright?
~SPN fandom in a nutshell.

Chapters: 112 - Words: 933,361 - Reviews: 1352 - Updated: 9-18-10 - Published: 7-14-09
That's like 2 chapters per week, with each chapter being (on average) over 8,000 words long.

The one where Arthur juggles and Eames wants to explore his hidden depths.

Warning: slash, chan… VERY chan. Baby-chan. Draco doesn't even have teeth, so I guess he's under 6 months. BE WARNED!!!!! OOC, since you see Lucius from inside his head, which doesn't necessarily makes him appear as he is for the rest of the world.

"Aw, don't cry," Legolas removed himself from behind his makeshift shield and threw an arm around Gimli's shoulders. "I'm sure it's all just…well, it's got to be a joke, right? Because it's all just some stupid Dwarf story, isn't it?"
"Don't call it stupid!" Gimli shouted, shoving the Elf to the floor. "And don't touch me, either!"
Aragorn shook his head, still looking sadly at the broken plate, the fork in the wall, and his ledgers. "You truly are one of changeable moods, Master Dwarf," he said. "Maybe you could change into a generous mood and repay the damages?"
"He is not moody," Legolas said heatedly. There was a note of mild hysteria in his voice. "Do you get me? Gimli does not have mood swings and he does not have a damn craving for pancakes. There are no problems between Elves and Dwarves. None! I have done nothing to bring shame on my people!"

The one where Arthur's a care bear bride, Ariadne almost gets cut, Dom's stuck in a loop, Yusuf's the only one not lined up for death and Eames's been collecting wedding licenses.

Arthur and Eames both play WoW. They kick ass at Warsong Gulch, and when they team up they’re nigh on unstoppable.

The cool, slick tip of the enema nozzle poked at his hole and Draco shuddered. He hated what came next. The insertion itself was no problem, for the very nature of their relationship meant that Harry had put much bigger things inside of him. It was this, the sudden gush of warm water into his bowels that he hated.
At first it just felt like a wet trickle inside of him, but then as the minutes ticked on the pressure increased and Draco’s legs began to shake with effort to hold him up. He was feeling full already, but he knew that his body could take more and that Harry would make him take much more than that measly stream of water. The uncomfortable wetness that filled him was one thing, but it was the cramps that Draco really, truly hated.
It started lower in his stomach, just a slight rumbling as water from the enema filled him. His body pushed involuntarily against the nozzle in his arse in protest. That of course did nothing to dislodge the inflated tip charmed to stay in place. The movement only served to make him feel fuller.
Five more minutes and Draco was begging. He felt like he was ready to explode and he couldn’t take anymore. “Please Master,” Draco begged, his voice shaky, “I’m sorry.”

It happens much like this. The light turns green and Arthur drives. Headlights neighbor him, milliseconds in between the slam on the brakes and the impact.
J’y suis jamais allé plays quietly as the paramedics pry the metal of the car apart to pull him out. In the midst of it all, in medias res, he cries.
Or maybe it happens like this. There is no beginning and no end, just the sound of steel and the symphony of ambulance sirens and police lights.
Or maybe it happens when the man in the other car drives away in a drunken stupor, a three minute survey of the crash and a call to the police his only courtesies.

He jumped up on the box, and stared him in the eyes, trying to keep up a serious facade. The laughter was knocked from his chest along with his breath as he finally stared face to face with Legolas.
Legolas blinked at him. "Everything looks different," he whispered. "Having you at the same height as me, I mean. I'd never noticed how dark your eyes are. They're like coals… Hot coals." He bit into his lower lip.
Smooth, Legolas.

Harry laughed and set down his beer-a microbrew, they called it. He had tasted a large number of them and found them quite flavoursome.

the hopes and dreams of a generation of faux-romantics [or, four things only jeff winger knows about britta perry]

He gripped the arm of the chair so hard the nail on his right middle finger cracked down the middle.
~AAAAAAAAAGHHHHH

Spock does not know when he is finally allowed to rest, only that he finds himself wrapped, protected by the branches, as they pulse with life and energy.
He takes a deep breath, and seeks the connection, the psionic bond of his people, and feels the muted joy at its strength.
He opens his eyes and is surprise to discover he is not alone. All around the willow tree there are these tall blue beings, kneeling on the ground, chanting, bodies swaying, in tune with the pulse of the branches, the glowing silken shrouds that hold him.
The tree glows, and there is a final pulse as this world lights up.

The next two days Steve called but they did not meet. He must have cold feet, Tony thought. Therefore he was preparing for the worst when Steve called for a dinner. They were waiting for order when Steve sprouted. "I researched asexuality on the Internet."
"You researched what on Internet?"
"Asexuality. You said you didn't want sex and I looked it up. The Internet is very informational."
"So..." Tony waited for the next shoe to drop, then gave up. "Do you still want to have a relationship with me?"
Steve looked determined. "Of course."
"But now you know... Steve, I don't care about sex. I really can live without sex. But I won't force you to be celibate. It won't work."
Tony Stark, asexual.

Her skin is still pale and creamy like caramel ice cream. The good kind, the kind you get at the fancy gourmet stores he used to frequent. The type of ice cream you buy when you're having a girl over, and you cook dinner to impress her. The ice cream that's the icing on the cake of the evening.

John found himself staring shamelessly at this strangely alien, long-limbed creature, all elbows and alabaster, which was crawling smoothly across the bed and straddling him as he lay across it.

Harry looked down at himself, then let out a squeal of horror when he discovered that he was completely and totally naked.
Deatheaters, he could handle. Voldemort, he’d faced down and killed by himself. Snape, he would - and had - hunt down and exact revenge on solidly.
But standing naked in the middle of the Great Hall where everyone could see just what exactly it was he had - that was something he couldn’t deal with.
Turning bright red, Harry threw his hands in front of his private bits, and was about to run screaming from the room when something very unexpected happened. Draco Malfoy walked up to him, removed his own cloak, then wrapped it firmly around Harry’s shoulders.
“What-?” Harry started, gaping in confusion as Draco carefully fastened the buttons and clasps, not saying a word, and not meeting his eyes. “Malfoy, what are you doing?!”
Draco still didn’t say anything, but as soon as he had finished fastening the buttons, he knelt suddenly in front of Harry, bent, and touched his forehead to Harry’s bare toes. Then he stood, spun, and strode grandly from the Main Hall, cloak billowing in a style scarily reminiscent of the late Potions Master.
How does Draco's cloak billow as he leaves if he just gave it to Harry?
-He's Draco Malfoy, that motherfucker always wears two cloaks.

bbot: ole Two Cloaks Malfoy as they used to call him
bbot: "Hey Draco, it's not that cold in here! You don't need six layers of clothing!"
zarla: "What if I need to sweep dramatically out of the room? You don't know that!"
bbot: Draco straightened up, fury etched into the lines of his face. He spun about, both cloaks swirling grandly, and strode out the of room. With his back to the crowd, they couldn't see the tears welling up in his eyes.
bbot: The fools. The damnned fools, he thought bitterly. It's the wave of the future. In six months, all the coolest wizards and witches will be wearing two cloaks, but they just can't see my vision. Plus, what if Harry-chan was cold sometime? I've got an extra cloak, right here! With his name embroidered on it, even.

I was black inside and so I took everything black. Toast. Coffee. Clothes. Heart.
It was the end of October, and a few leaves were still clinging on the trees, all bright yellow, red, and orange. These leaves were suckers, I thought, tricking themselves in thinking this fall would be different, that they wouldn't have to let go and turn brown and make room for snow.

I was ramming my dick inside Samus faster and faster and faster and my body shifted towards her tender ass. I was fucking her so fast I was like a starved Metroid without blood for days. Samus's breasts bounced up and down as she layed on the bed as I constantly rammed her like a fucking jackhammer at a construction site.

Clark Kent was dressed in a flowing shirt of some glimmering golden cloth, brushed with a feathery pattern and open at the neck. Midnight-blue velvet pants tied with a wide sash and laced-up leather boots completed the outfit. He had traded in the heavy black glasses for something oval and lilac-colored; behind them his blue eyes were lined with metallic gilt, the lids painted with peacock-blue. His dark hair was so thick with gold dust that it gleamed in the streetlights.
CLARK KENT IS: THE GAYEST OF ALL THE PIRATES!

Ginny had used to pride herself on being neat and had only farted once or twice before in her entire life, but over Christmas break she had eaten the right foods to prepare for this event. It was very satisfying to pass gas into the mouth of a loved one, especially a boy as handsome as Draco.
For his part, Malfoy was rather enjoying the fart, because he could not believe that a beautiful girl would condescend to do that to him. Ginny did it again, and again, and yet again. He felt like he was in perfect bliss; nothing could be better than this, kissing the butt of the girl one loves.
Too soon, it seemed, Ginny got off. “I won’t defecate on you today. The magazine I read said that it is unwise to do that unless you can urinate afterwards, because it leaves the boy’s throat dry. So, till next time, sweetums!”
She put her robes back on, left the dormitories, and ran past some people in the common room, who shouted after her because she wasn’t a Slytherin. (No one had seen her come in with Draco.)
“For a blood traitor, she’s not so bad,” Malfoy said, licking his lips. He had noticed that he suffered from fart paralysis for a few minutes after she got off, in which he was unable to move a muscle. Yet, he could not wait for a second engagement under Ginny’s wonderful butt.

Parvati grabbed Ginny’s arm as she headed to Herbology. “I need to fart on you again,” she said.
“But…I thought you were going to fart on Padma.”

Arthur and Eames have been friends for a long time and slowly fall in love and become a couple. And they're a snarky, cute romantic couple! But Arthur has an extremely abusive dad who beats him but does it subtly. And Eames has always suspected that something was going on, but Arthur always manages to dodge the subject. Then one night he finds out about Arthur and Eames, things go a little too far, and he basically beats the crap out of Arthur, really really bad. Arthur calls Eames and starts out having a normal conversation with him when halfway through Eames realizes something's wrong and rushes to find him.

Eames is a sculptor who falls in love with a sculpture of his that comes to life. Eames/Arthur, slash, One-Shot.

Saark's gaze slowly strayed, from the sexual cunt-honey dripping from her quivering vulva

"What do you want, dirty girl?" the Pyro rasped. "Do you want me to touch you... here?" Rubber-gloved fingers stretched the silk over his cock. "Do you want to get fucked like the BLU whore that you are?"
"Yes, anything you want," the Demoman managed, bucking into the Pyro's hand.
"Dangerous offer," the firestarter purred.

The Pyro had blindfolded him, but why? He got his answer when he felt soft lips on his cheek, heard a clear whisper: "Oh, you dirty girl."
~ I'm sorry I think you mean "MMPH MMGRGL MMPH"

AND THAT'S ALL FOR NOW BYE

I also posted this at dreamwidth with reluctant ambivalence. Comment here or there, don't matter to me!