~How about guilt and shame, that always worked on me as a child
Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't been posting very much or keeping up with comments everywhere but I am totally burned out. I started work on Monday (after I stupidly stayed up for 24 hours on Sunday, because I'm a retard) and it's really...stressful, to say the least. More because I'm psyching myself out more than anything else. I'm going to be working with autistic kids as a behavior intervention type person, basically trying to intervene before behaviors occur in the classroom and at home and stuff, on a one on one basis with the kid and everything. I just kind of got plunged into it Monday, and found out halfway through the day that I'd apparently missed orientation and a bunch of training videos since I'd gone to training the week before, so I watched the videos today, after shadowing some people for monday through wednesday, and I'm really tired and I've had a headache for days, and I can't sleep because I keep worrying I'm going to oversleep even though I have an alarm set, and I've been having lots of nightmares. I'm assuming it's just me adjusting to the whole thing, but to be perfectly honest I'm really worried that I'm going to botch something up or fail spectacularly and get fired, and I'm kind of stressing out about it to probably unhealthy levels. Which is dumb, because one - it's not the end of the world if I DO get fired, two - I've barely even started this, I need to give myself some time to adapt, three - if it's not the kind of job for me, that's okay, I can keep looking for a job that fits my abilities/doesn't drive me insane, four - they allow for a learning curve at the place, and a whole bunch of other reasons and such, and I can (and still want to) go to grad school to get my MSW so I can explore other fields of work too, and that's still an option.
Of course, all this makes logical sense but I still really stressed out and I keep tossing and turning at night and I can't sleep, and I feel vaguely sick and just worn down, kind of almost near tears at time for no reason, and I'm still convinced somewhere inside that I'll just fail completely and disappoint everyone because...because I don't know, I just can't do it. Not only that but I'm not sure what my schedule was next week, but they mentioned something about assigning me a case, and I'm supposed to be shadowing other therapists for three months or so, so if I'm getting a case now that's really fast and I'm not prepared I've only been shadowing people for three days and I'm afraid that when the chips come down I won't know what I'm doing or what to do and ajsuhghagh JAUHGIADHGHASGHAHGHADGAJSJGAJGA SJASRASAFGGA
Sorry, that's been nagging at me all week, I just needed to get it off my chest. Feel free to ignore it. Hopefully I'll get over it in a bit.
Although the more I see other kids, the more I realize I miss the kids at camp. I wonder what Owen and Spencer are doing, or if they remember the bits of Chrono Trigger I told them? I bet a lot of them have Diamond and Pearl and everything. The fact I had a nightmare last night about David stabbing me to death (David, the six year old who was always hovering around me and acting like Godzilla) and everyone saying I deserved it has made me feel...really awful for most of the day. THANKS A LOT, SUBCONSCIOUS. I HATE YOU TOO. ggh.
Enough of that. I want to finish Earthbound, but I've been looking at the caps and I think we'll have one more shorter installment before I do Giygas, since I'd like to have Giygas have his own entry, really, since that whole thing is just so intense and really deserves that kind of attention.
I've been working on a flash video recently that's coming along, but I haven't had too much time to work on it and I feel weirdly...blocked at times? I think it's because I didn't have any set...plot to happen for it and I'm just doing whatever comes to mind, and I'm so tired lately I can't really think of anything. I dunno. I'm just rambling.
BUT MORE INTERESTINGLY, I went back to Dwelling of Duels to check it out AND FOUND SOME PRETTY AWESOME STUFF if you didn't know about this already. Lots and LOTS of remixes, lots. LOTS. And if you like wailing electric guitars (LOTS AND LOTS OF GUITARS), live instruments, and occasionally hilarious vocals, THESE ARE THE REMIXES FOR YOU.
I'm not sure what it is really about remixes that really just...gets to me. I don't know if I can really even get across just how much a good remix can affect me. I've always been kind of a musically oriented person, and music for a video game just...IMMEDIATELY kind of accesses my memories for it, I guess, and a good remix for a game I adored just gives me this huge rush of happiness. I mean, sometimes when I hear the first strains of a remix and I recognize the theme, my entire body just tightens up and I put my hands over my mouth and I just...that joy just comes over me and makes me make this choked squealing noise of happiness and sometimes I almost want to cry it's so strong this feeling. I mean, I get goosebumps just from hearing certain chords. I don't know WHY certain remixes do this to me, but they do. I think I rambled about this feeling before, but it's just...it's so strong sometimes, it overpowers everything else. I can't really think of anything offhand that does the same thing to me.
NOTABLY, SOME OF THE DWELLING OF DUELS REMIXES HAVE DONE THAT TO ME, and it's pretty easy to see why. They have themed months much like the PRC, except the themes are usually much more vague, like Fire and Ice, or Racing Games, or something along those lines. Some of which include Dragon Warrior, Metroid, Secret of Mana, Metal Gear, SILENT HILL, and a whole ton of neat stuff in between.
BUT MOSTLY
MOSTLY
GUYS
GUYS
THEY DID AN AMERICAN ADVENTURE GAME MONTH
When I saw that, I just was...completely speechless. I sat there staring at my computer with probably the stupidest :D expression ever, just frozen with this overwhelming joy. Adventure games were a huge part of my childhood, and the songs from them got me through so many difficult times when I was young, and it just...god, I just couldn't, I can't even put it into words just how happy it makes me feel to hear these. I know it's lame but I can't help it.
I mean, when I heard the Monkey Island/Day of the Tentacle remix, Look Behind You!, that REMIXED RED EDISON'S THEME, MY FAVORITE SONG IN THE GAME AND BLENDED IT SO PERFECTLY WITH OPENING AND MONKEY ISLAND I JUST...I couldn't even speak, I just made incoherent noises to myself because I just couldn't keep how happy I felt quiet. RED EDISON'S THEME. I HAD GIVEN HOPE ON ANYONE EVER REMIXING THAT AND THEN THERE IT WAS, AND OH MY GOD. And the King's Quest V remix, The Wizard's Accord, that HAD THE SIERRA FANFARE, THE SIERRA FANFARE AT THE BEGINNING GOD I'M GETTING GOOSEBUMPS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. That fanfare means just so much to me, I don't even know if I can ever make it clear, it just...someday, when I do a more recent Sierra screencap adventure maybe I'll be able to say it more clearly, but that fanfare was such a huge part of my life, and hearing it again, just hearing it brought tears to my eyes. The bookworm remix from KQ6, Vocabularic Freedom, just...god. And Murdered By Flora FRICK I AM GOING TO BURST INTO TEARS IN A SECOND
There's a mirror for the DoD remixes here that's much faster than the site itself, and lists them all more coherently. Some of the songs are interspersed in free months, but there's more King's Quest and Metal Gear and Secret of Mana, and Castlevania Symphony of the Night and Marble Madness AND TOP GUN GUYS, FRIGGING TOP GUN and Goonies and Silent Hill and Heroes of Might and Magic II and Pokémon and Earthbound and and just
OMG
REMIXES
asjighahgha
Of course, all this makes logical sense but I still really stressed out and I keep tossing and turning at night and I can't sleep, and I feel vaguely sick and just worn down, kind of almost near tears at time for no reason, and I'm still convinced somewhere inside that I'll just fail completely and disappoint everyone because...because I don't know, I just can't do it. Not only that but I'm not sure what my schedule was next week, but they mentioned something about assigning me a case, and I'm supposed to be shadowing other therapists for three months or so, so if I'm getting a case now that's really fast and I'm not prepared I've only been shadowing people for three days and I'm afraid that when the chips come down I won't know what I'm doing or what to do and ajsuhghagh JAUHGIADHGHASGHAHGHADGAJSJGAJGA SJASRASAFGGA
Sorry, that's been nagging at me all week, I just needed to get it off my chest. Feel free to ignore it. Hopefully I'll get over it in a bit.
Although the more I see other kids, the more I realize I miss the kids at camp. I wonder what Owen and Spencer are doing, or if they remember the bits of Chrono Trigger I told them? I bet a lot of them have Diamond and Pearl and everything. The fact I had a nightmare last night about David stabbing me to death (David, the six year old who was always hovering around me and acting like Godzilla) and everyone saying I deserved it has made me feel...really awful for most of the day. THANKS A LOT, SUBCONSCIOUS. I HATE YOU TOO. ggh.
Enough of that. I want to finish Earthbound, but I've been looking at the caps and I think we'll have one more shorter installment before I do Giygas, since I'd like to have Giygas have his own entry, really, since that whole thing is just so intense and really deserves that kind of attention.
I've been working on a flash video recently that's coming along, but I haven't had too much time to work on it and I feel weirdly...blocked at times? I think it's because I didn't have any set...plot to happen for it and I'm just doing whatever comes to mind, and I'm so tired lately I can't really think of anything. I dunno. I'm just rambling.
BUT MORE INTERESTINGLY, I went back to Dwelling of Duels to check it out AND FOUND SOME PRETTY AWESOME STUFF if you didn't know about this already. Lots and LOTS of remixes, lots. LOTS. And if you like wailing electric guitars (LOTS AND LOTS OF GUITARS), live instruments, and occasionally hilarious vocals, THESE ARE THE REMIXES FOR YOU.
I'm not sure what it is really about remixes that really just...gets to me. I don't know if I can really even get across just how much a good remix can affect me. I've always been kind of a musically oriented person, and music for a video game just...IMMEDIATELY kind of accesses my memories for it, I guess, and a good remix for a game I adored just gives me this huge rush of happiness. I mean, sometimes when I hear the first strains of a remix and I recognize the theme, my entire body just tightens up and I put my hands over my mouth and I just...that joy just comes over me and makes me make this choked squealing noise of happiness and sometimes I almost want to cry it's so strong this feeling. I mean, I get goosebumps just from hearing certain chords. I don't know WHY certain remixes do this to me, but they do. I think I rambled about this feeling before, but it's just...it's so strong sometimes, it overpowers everything else. I can't really think of anything offhand that does the same thing to me.
NOTABLY, SOME OF THE DWELLING OF DUELS REMIXES HAVE DONE THAT TO ME, and it's pretty easy to see why. They have themed months much like the PRC, except the themes are usually much more vague, like Fire and Ice, or Racing Games, or something along those lines. Some of which include Dragon Warrior, Metroid, Secret of Mana, Metal Gear, SILENT HILL, and a whole ton of neat stuff in between.
BUT MOSTLY
MOSTLY
GUYS
GUYS
THEY DID AN AMERICAN ADVENTURE GAME MONTH
When I saw that, I just was...completely speechless. I sat there staring at my computer with probably the stupidest :D expression ever, just frozen with this overwhelming joy. Adventure games were a huge part of my childhood, and the songs from them got me through so many difficult times when I was young, and it just...god, I just couldn't, I can't even put it into words just how happy it makes me feel to hear these. I know it's lame but I can't help it.
I mean, when I heard the Monkey Island/Day of the Tentacle remix, Look Behind You!, that REMIXED RED EDISON'S THEME, MY FAVORITE SONG IN THE GAME AND BLENDED IT SO PERFECTLY WITH OPENING AND MONKEY ISLAND I JUST...I couldn't even speak, I just made incoherent noises to myself because I just couldn't keep how happy I felt quiet. RED EDISON'S THEME. I HAD GIVEN HOPE ON ANYONE EVER REMIXING THAT AND THEN THERE IT WAS, AND OH MY GOD. And the King's Quest V remix, The Wizard's Accord, that HAD THE SIERRA FANFARE, THE SIERRA FANFARE AT THE BEGINNING GOD I'M GETTING GOOSEBUMPS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. That fanfare means just so much to me, I don't even know if I can ever make it clear, it just...someday, when I do a more recent Sierra screencap adventure maybe I'll be able to say it more clearly, but that fanfare was such a huge part of my life, and hearing it again, just hearing it brought tears to my eyes. The bookworm remix from KQ6, Vocabularic Freedom, just...god. And Murdered By Flora FRICK I AM GOING TO BURST INTO TEARS IN A SECOND
There's a mirror for the DoD remixes here that's much faster than the site itself, and lists them all more coherently. Some of the songs are interspersed in free months, but there's more King's Quest and Metal Gear and Secret of Mana, and Castlevania Symphony of the Night and Marble Madness AND TOP GUN GUYS, FRIGGING TOP GUN and Goonies and Silent Hill and Heroes of Might and Magic II and Pokémon and Earthbound and and just
OMG
REMIXES
asjighahgha