crash
dear diary
its been 9 days since i've known for sure (longer since i've suspected). we've told some people. we're slowly going through our list of friends to tell them. the reaction is understandable, nothing out of the ordinary, everything we expected.
but its just going so slowly. for all my research, for all the stories, i still wasn't prepared. i hate to say this about something so wonderful, but its downright awful! this is the longest 9 days i've ever experienced. i'm uncomfortable...almost all the time, and i can't take anything for the headaches that are plaguing me.
so i am bracing myself for the next...how many weeks? months?
i know it sounds bad, its not bad. its wonderful.
in children's theater we emphasize the product, not the process.
in the theatrics of children: i wish we could skip the process and go straight to the product.
what's the worst thing?
i haven't told a few key people yet, i also haven't told any of the "peripherals" i am waiting. i don't know why...i just am. So if you've broken through my cryptology; keep your freaking mouth shut!
or, if this is how you're finding out, i am sorry, we just can't get to everyone fast enough, and its early yet anyway!
i doubt i should post this. there are a few that may read this and pass the information along to people who won't appreciate finding it out 2nd (3rd?) hand. but i have to be able to express my disastisfaction thus far.
Hubby is not helping as much as i'd hoped. he says he wants me to be able to do everything for myself, that he couldn't live with having to worry about me not being able to cope with everyday life. so he's letting me suffer (just a bit) on my own so that i can prove to myself and to him that its not impossible, in fact its very very doable. but i don't care, i don't want to do it on my own. i shouldn't have to. i hope he'll get better.
i suppose that's the worst part actually. here i am fatigued and nauseated and not getting the comfort that i want. he says he doesn't want to have to apologize that i don't feel well. its not his fault. well it kind of is, but he's right. its not his fault, its not anybody's fault.
but...given that i don't feel well, shouldn't he want to somehow console me? maybe he's not as happy about this as he says he is. if he was happy, wouldn't he want to help me more, not roll his eyes when i say i want to lie down. from his perspective he probably thinks its to early to be so affected (effected?--i hate english). but how am i supposed to know? am i manifesting all of this? that's a very powerful imagination i have!
getting through work sucks. and i can't say anything...yet. when do i do that?
and there is no rest for the weary, this weekend is booked solid. i just want to sleep.
its been 9 days since i've known for sure (longer since i've suspected). we've told some people. we're slowly going through our list of friends to tell them. the reaction is understandable, nothing out of the ordinary, everything we expected.
but its just going so slowly. for all my research, for all the stories, i still wasn't prepared. i hate to say this about something so wonderful, but its downright awful! this is the longest 9 days i've ever experienced. i'm uncomfortable...almost all the time, and i can't take anything for the headaches that are plaguing me.
so i am bracing myself for the next...how many weeks? months?
i know it sounds bad, its not bad. its wonderful.
in children's theater we emphasize the product, not the process.
in the theatrics of children: i wish we could skip the process and go straight to the product.
what's the worst thing?
i haven't told a few key people yet, i also haven't told any of the "peripherals" i am waiting. i don't know why...i just am. So if you've broken through my cryptology; keep your freaking mouth shut!
or, if this is how you're finding out, i am sorry, we just can't get to everyone fast enough, and its early yet anyway!
i doubt i should post this. there are a few that may read this and pass the information along to people who won't appreciate finding it out 2nd (3rd?) hand. but i have to be able to express my disastisfaction thus far.
Hubby is not helping as much as i'd hoped. he says he wants me to be able to do everything for myself, that he couldn't live with having to worry about me not being able to cope with everyday life. so he's letting me suffer (just a bit) on my own so that i can prove to myself and to him that its not impossible, in fact its very very doable. but i don't care, i don't want to do it on my own. i shouldn't have to. i hope he'll get better.
i suppose that's the worst part actually. here i am fatigued and nauseated and not getting the comfort that i want. he says he doesn't want to have to apologize that i don't feel well. its not his fault. well it kind of is, but he's right. its not his fault, its not anybody's fault.
but...given that i don't feel well, shouldn't he want to somehow console me? maybe he's not as happy about this as he says he is. if he was happy, wouldn't he want to help me more, not roll his eyes when i say i want to lie down. from his perspective he probably thinks its to early to be so affected (effected?--i hate english). but how am i supposed to know? am i manifesting all of this? that's a very powerful imagination i have!
getting through work sucks. and i can't say anything...yet. when do i do that?
and there is no rest for the weary, this weekend is booked solid. i just want to sleep.