Muse (The Verb, Not The Band)
It’s been, what? Three weeks since The Bomb dropped? Something like that, and I still basically deal by avoiding everything to do with new!Panic. I shamefully skirt around the f-list with my eyes mostly squeezed shut, I avoid all the places where news could find me, and when I caught sight of a magazine that listed Panic (written “Panik!”) as one of its topics last Friday, I quickly moved on without even glancing at the pages. I’m pretty sure this is not healthy.
On the other hand, it’s given me plenty of motivation to ponder my relationship to fandom.
You see, fandom consists of five elements for me. First, there is canon, then fanon, then the quality of fic, the part of the f-list that is also part of the fandom, and what I call the general atmosphere, meaning anything that goes beyond the f- and f-of-list, basically. And the thing is, if one of those elements just doesn’t work for me at all, or doesn’t work anymore, I can’t get comfortable, not really. Fandom is my happy place, but in order to be that, those five elements need to be okay at the very least, and at least one element has to be utterly great and fill me with glee at the mere thought. I’m a demanding bitch, yo.
But hey, why shouldn’t I be? I’m doing this for fun.
If participating in a fandom doesn’t make me happy, it’s time to move out, I suppose. And with Panic, post-break-up canon doesn’t work for me anymore, at all. I’m not mad at the guys or anything like that, please don’t get me wrong; I wish them all the best, and that time will prove they made the right decision. I don’t want to be part of the whole deal about picking sides, though, and I don’t care if or who’s to blame, and who made what mistake, and who’s not talking to whom and why. Which is why I stay far, far away. And while canon and fanon are obviously not the same, canon is still guaranteed to affect fanon, so I’m staying away from that, too.
In addition, I have been slightly disenchanted with the overall atmosphere for a while now. The fic will probably continue to be great because oh my God, Panic has some incredibly talented writers, but… that’s not quite enough. Not even given my wonderful, wonderful f-list. Some of you are into Merlin, so I hope to keep those of you easily. As for the rest… There are still a few people from Lotrips on my f-list who I would, like, cling to with all my strength should they ever dream of leaving me alone. There are a few people like that in Bandom, too.
I honestly don’t know all that much about Merlin just yet. What I know is that canon, fanon and the fic are great. I also know that some wonderful people from my f-list are into it, but I’m not quite sure about the general atmosphere. Hell, I’m not quite sure about the communities to go to! But I shall find out, oh, yes.
This is not to say that fistfic aka Brendon/Ryan epic high school AU won’t be finished. Mik and I are working on it, and will probably spend ages on the edits. But fistfic will be my goodbye to Bandom, because what really fills me with glee? Right now?
Is the fact that even the actors joke about Merlin being a lover, not a fighter. And writing the Circus AU is rather glee-inducing as well. It has them sharing a trailer, okay? And it has Arthur dangling from great heights, holding onto a rope with only one hand. You can’t honestly think this is less than awesome, can you? Also, given that just Merlin’s first day with the circus is already more than 5000 words, and given that I’ve already started compiling a soundtrack (which I only do for long stories), chances are this will be 30k, at least. Epically disabled, that’s me.
On the other hand, it’s given me plenty of motivation to ponder my relationship to fandom.
You see, fandom consists of five elements for me. First, there is canon, then fanon, then the quality of fic, the part of the f-list that is also part of the fandom, and what I call the general atmosphere, meaning anything that goes beyond the f- and f-of-list, basically. And the thing is, if one of those elements just doesn’t work for me at all, or doesn’t work anymore, I can’t get comfortable, not really. Fandom is my happy place, but in order to be that, those five elements need to be okay at the very least, and at least one element has to be utterly great and fill me with glee at the mere thought. I’m a demanding bitch, yo.
But hey, why shouldn’t I be? I’m doing this for fun.
If participating in a fandom doesn’t make me happy, it’s time to move out, I suppose. And with Panic, post-break-up canon doesn’t work for me anymore, at all. I’m not mad at the guys or anything like that, please don’t get me wrong; I wish them all the best, and that time will prove they made the right decision. I don’t want to be part of the whole deal about picking sides, though, and I don’t care if or who’s to blame, and who made what mistake, and who’s not talking to whom and why. Which is why I stay far, far away. And while canon and fanon are obviously not the same, canon is still guaranteed to affect fanon, so I’m staying away from that, too.
In addition, I have been slightly disenchanted with the overall atmosphere for a while now. The fic will probably continue to be great because oh my God, Panic has some incredibly talented writers, but… that’s not quite enough. Not even given my wonderful, wonderful f-list. Some of you are into Merlin, so I hope to keep those of you easily. As for the rest… There are still a few people from Lotrips on my f-list who I would, like, cling to with all my strength should they ever dream of leaving me alone. There are a few people like that in Bandom, too.
I honestly don’t know all that much about Merlin just yet. What I know is that canon, fanon and the fic are great. I also know that some wonderful people from my f-list are into it, but I’m not quite sure about the general atmosphere. Hell, I’m not quite sure about the communities to go to! But I shall find out, oh, yes.
This is not to say that fistfic aka Brendon/Ryan epic high school AU won’t be finished. Mik and I are working on it, and will probably spend ages on the edits. But fistfic will be my goodbye to Bandom, because what really fills me with glee? Right now?
Is the fact that even the actors joke about Merlin being a lover, not a fighter. And writing the Circus AU is rather glee-inducing as well. It has them sharing a trailer, okay? And it has Arthur dangling from great heights, holding onto a rope with only one hand. You can’t honestly think this is less than awesome, can you? Also, given that just Merlin’s first day with the circus is already more than 5000 words, and given that I’ve already started compiling a soundtrack (which I only do for long stories), chances are this will be 30k, at least. Epically disabled, that’s me.