i don't know
I'm so tired. I feel it in every inch of my flesh. My legs ache so much from standing all day. My feet feel bruised from bearing the weight of my body. my chest hurts, my throat hurts, my arms hurt, and my hair even hurts. my head feels weird from yesterday, or at least i think its from yesterday. so i'm going out with this boy who tells me he loves me whenever he can, but only shows me he does when he has to. its hard to explain. he hurts me a lot, but maybe because i like being hurt. i don't want to be bored with life, so i let myself be hurt for entertainment.
my chest has been hurting a lot lately. there's this one place where i get this pressure, and i think that i have something heavy or metal against my skin, but there's nothing there. i hate to touch it because it makes it hurt worse. idon't know if i'm worried about myself. oh god, i'm giving blood tomorrow. every time my mom asks me if i've taken my vitamin, i always say yes. why don't i ever actually do it, though?
how come they can't say fuck on network televevision, but they can mouth it with such clear enunciation that there's no other alternative for a word. is that fair? is that moral or clean?
lately i've been so happy. i've been smiling and giddy happy, even without provacation. i love that. i love knowing that i can actually be content without assistance. i don't have to think about a wonderful moment in my past to make me happy, because i'm living each wonderful moment in my present. I'm tired now. I'm not to happy. god, i really just like being able to lean against francis, but i guess that won't be the case for a while. i want to go to college. i want the next step. more than anything, i want the fresh start that i could get with a new school. a new home...new friends and boyfriends and clothes and food. i guess my life is like my car. the geo. it's dirty, and it's cluttered, but i love it. sometimes it feels like it's going to break down, and sometimes it actually does, but that element of uncertainty is fun. but god, sometimes i'd rather have nothing more than the passat....it's so clean and empty and smooth. it accelerates and moves and i've lost my point now.
goodnight
-Claire
my chest has been hurting a lot lately. there's this one place where i get this pressure, and i think that i have something heavy or metal against my skin, but there's nothing there. i hate to touch it because it makes it hurt worse. idon't know if i'm worried about myself. oh god, i'm giving blood tomorrow. every time my mom asks me if i've taken my vitamin, i always say yes. why don't i ever actually do it, though?
how come they can't say fuck on network televevision, but they can mouth it with such clear enunciation that there's no other alternative for a word. is that fair? is that moral or clean?
lately i've been so happy. i've been smiling and giddy happy, even without provacation. i love that. i love knowing that i can actually be content without assistance. i don't have to think about a wonderful moment in my past to make me happy, because i'm living each wonderful moment in my present. I'm tired now. I'm not to happy. god, i really just like being able to lean against francis, but i guess that won't be the case for a while. i want to go to college. i want the next step. more than anything, i want the fresh start that i could get with a new school. a new home...new friends and boyfriends and clothes and food. i guess my life is like my car. the geo. it's dirty, and it's cluttered, but i love it. sometimes it feels like it's going to break down, and sometimes it actually does, but that element of uncertainty is fun. but god, sometimes i'd rather have nothing more than the passat....it's so clean and empty and smooth. it accelerates and moves and i've lost my point now.
goodnight
-Claire