Fic: Soul Deep (11.05 episode coda)
Another awesome episode that I loved muchly. I may even have loved this one as much as Baby, but then I did kind of spoil Baby for myself by thinking the Impala was going to turn into a person at some point!
Anyway, the new writer did good: knew her SPN history and made use of it. And it was a nice case!fic linked to the main story arc, with a lovely early seasons vibe. Very enjoyable.
[Spoiler (click to open)]There's lot of interesting speculation about why there was such a focus on how losing your soul impacts different people different ways and Ash48 made the suggestion that perhaps Amara sucked out Dean's soul in episode one, my response to which is "Ooooohhhh! Fascinating!" Dean certainly has seemed a little flat this season, but then who wouldn't, given what he's been through? At this point I'm not 100% sold on the idea of Soulless!Dean, but it's certainly a possibility and I can't wait to find out! And what's with the dark winged things that Len feels might hatch from inside him? Was that just a super creepy analogy or something more literal?
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Title: Soul Deep
Author: zara_zee
Beta: Not beta’d
Genre(s): Episode coda
Rating: PG-13, Gen
Spoilers: Episode 11.05
Word Count: ~600
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in the sand box.
Summary: It’s not like he actually has any repressed homicidal urges. Up until Sam got that mark off his arm he was actively expressing all his homicidal urges in nice loud Technicolor.
--
Dean stares out at the darkness and watches his headlights bounce off the wet road.
He’s been feeling off for a while now; he’d put it down to exhaustion. But maybe it’s something more.
He’d kind of dodged Sam’s question about what his first meeting with Amara was like; the truth is, there are some gaps in his memory. But surely he’d remember if she’d sucked out his soul?
Both Len and Sydney happily reported Amara leaning in as if she were going to kiss them and then sucking a bright white light straight out of their mouths. If that had happened to him, he would’ve known exactly what it meant so…huh. Maybe she deliberately messed with his memory so that he wouldn’t know he’d been soul-sucked?
But why?
If Amara had snacked at the all-you-can-eat Dean bar, why hadn’t she wanted him to know? Most Big Bads can’t wait to wave it in your face when they’ve fucked you up. Why would she keep it a secret?
Dean puzzles on that for a while, but honestly, he’s got nothing. He glances sideways at his brother and considers asking his opinion, but then he’d have to raise the whole, so hey, what if I haven’t got a soul anymore? thing, and he’s not really sure he wants to have that conversation with Sam yet.
Or ever.
Amara sucked my soul out would be such a nice, clean, simple solution and one he hadn’t even considered until he met Len. Sammy had been all Mr Efficient Drill Sergeant when he didn’t have a soul and Jenna and Sydney had taken about five minutes to start acting on their repressed homicidal urges.
In his case, well, it’s not like he actually has any repressed homicidal urges. Up until Sam got that mark off his arm he was actively expressing all his homicidal urges in nice loud Technicolor. Lots of red.
And lately, he does feel kind of dead inside. It really is like he’s simply going through life playing a part; the same as Len.
Then again, that’s pretty much been business as usual for Dean since he was about sixteen. And he’s never really slept much anyway. So maybe it’s not a soul thing. Maybe all the shit he's been through is just starting to catch up with him.
Still…he knows he should feel bad about some of the stuff he did when he still had the mark: getting Rudy killed; shooting the Styne kid. But he just…doesn’t.
And round he goes again to maybe I don’t have a soul anymore.
Okay, so maybe Amara didn’t suck out his soul, but maybe it’s still gone. Cas hadn’t been able to get rid of the mark on his arm because it went too deep. Soul deep, maybe.
Perhaps when the mark got ripped off him, it took his soul (or part of it) with it?
Or maybe he’s just a depressed alcoholic with PTSD.
Dean wonders what it says about him that he’s not sure which would be worse.
Maybe he should tear Cas away from The Wire and get him to do that soul-fisting thing?
Or maybe he’s better off not knowing. Dean with a soul; Dean without a soul. Turns out it’s kind of hard to tell the difference. And does it really matter anyway? So long as he does the job, what does it really matter if he’s getting zero enjoyment out of life? Why upset Sam over something so insignificant?
It's probably better not to speculate. To just keep quiet. It's not like he's lying.
Dean stares out at the darkness and watches his headlights bounce off the wet road.
--
Anyway, the new writer did good: knew her SPN history and made use of it. And it was a nice case!fic linked to the main story arc, with a lovely early seasons vibe. Very enjoyable.
[Spoiler (click to open)]There's lot of interesting speculation about why there was such a focus on how losing your soul impacts different people different ways and Ash48 made the suggestion that perhaps Amara sucked out Dean's soul in episode one, my response to which is "Ooooohhhh! Fascinating!" Dean certainly has seemed a little flat this season, but then who wouldn't, given what he's been through? At this point I'm not 100% sold on the idea of Soulless!Dean, but it's certainly a possibility and I can't wait to find out! And what's with the dark winged things that Len feels might hatch from inside him? Was that just a super creepy analogy or something more literal?
--
Title: Soul Deep
Author: zara_zee
Beta: Not beta’d
Genre(s): Episode coda
Rating: PG-13, Gen
Spoilers: Episode 11.05
Word Count: ~600
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in the sand box.
Summary: It’s not like he actually has any repressed homicidal urges. Up until Sam got that mark off his arm he was actively expressing all his homicidal urges in nice loud Technicolor.
--
Dean stares out at the darkness and watches his headlights bounce off the wet road.
He’s been feeling off for a while now; he’d put it down to exhaustion. But maybe it’s something more.
He’d kind of dodged Sam’s question about what his first meeting with Amara was like; the truth is, there are some gaps in his memory. But surely he’d remember if she’d sucked out his soul?
Both Len and Sydney happily reported Amara leaning in as if she were going to kiss them and then sucking a bright white light straight out of their mouths. If that had happened to him, he would’ve known exactly what it meant so…huh. Maybe she deliberately messed with his memory so that he wouldn’t know he’d been soul-sucked?
But why?
If Amara had snacked at the all-you-can-eat Dean bar, why hadn’t she wanted him to know? Most Big Bads can’t wait to wave it in your face when they’ve fucked you up. Why would she keep it a secret?
Dean puzzles on that for a while, but honestly, he’s got nothing. He glances sideways at his brother and considers asking his opinion, but then he’d have to raise the whole, so hey, what if I haven’t got a soul anymore? thing, and he’s not really sure he wants to have that conversation with Sam yet.
Or ever.
Amara sucked my soul out would be such a nice, clean, simple solution and one he hadn’t even considered until he met Len. Sammy had been all Mr Efficient Drill Sergeant when he didn’t have a soul and Jenna and Sydney had taken about five minutes to start acting on their repressed homicidal urges.
In his case, well, it’s not like he actually has any repressed homicidal urges. Up until Sam got that mark off his arm he was actively expressing all his homicidal urges in nice loud Technicolor. Lots of red.
And lately, he does feel kind of dead inside. It really is like he’s simply going through life playing a part; the same as Len.
Then again, that’s pretty much been business as usual for Dean since he was about sixteen. And he’s never really slept much anyway. So maybe it’s not a soul thing. Maybe all the shit he's been through is just starting to catch up with him.
Still…he knows he should feel bad about some of the stuff he did when he still had the mark: getting Rudy killed; shooting the Styne kid. But he just…doesn’t.
And round he goes again to maybe I don’t have a soul anymore.
Okay, so maybe Amara didn’t suck out his soul, but maybe it’s still gone. Cas hadn’t been able to get rid of the mark on his arm because it went too deep. Soul deep, maybe.
Perhaps when the mark got ripped off him, it took his soul (or part of it) with it?
Or maybe he’s just a depressed alcoholic with PTSD.
Dean wonders what it says about him that he’s not sure which would be worse.
Maybe he should tear Cas away from The Wire and get him to do that soul-fisting thing?
Or maybe he’s better off not knowing. Dean with a soul; Dean without a soul. Turns out it’s kind of hard to tell the difference. And does it really matter anyway? So long as he does the job, what does it really matter if he’s getting zero enjoyment out of life? Why upset Sam over something so insignificant?
It's probably better not to speculate. To just keep quiet. It's not like he's lying.
Dean stares out at the darkness and watches his headlights bounce off the wet road.
--