Blurbs from Josh
Well this week has gotten interesting. Stressful, oh yea, trying, you better believe it. Good and bad things have come out of it though. Alot of things have been brought to light this week as well. Work has been hell, and ive been bored outta my mind. Last night especially i realized a great deal. Some of which im glad i did to stop future angst, and others just reopening of old wounds. Walking in a haze almost i had blurred out all of life, except the things i wanted to see or what i felt was there. I have learned better and yet still didnt rely on my logic enough to do anything about it. When things happen they usually dont do so without reason, and one would think having something done to them over and over again would break them from that habit. Apparently i am a very slow learner or just never want to come to terms with the facts that are so obvious. To deny the truth is running from facts and shows cowardice, i refuse to show these things. I am worried for my friends, some more than others given the circumstances. I think everything will work out for the best in the end. Ha, given that you would think i could apply it to my own life, im really not depressed so dont get that impression when you read this, I've realized my place and wheter i like it or not, struggle againist it or just flat out stop trying, its not going to change. I will not know many of the joys my friends know, i will not feel many of the emotions they know, and if by some chance i do, it wont last long before the hammer of life crushes my happiness. To dream and to hope, all things i need to feign from doing yet my mind and my asparitions will not allow me to do so. Seeing things i want to know so badly all around me and yet not being able to do nothing to change the situation. Life, your meaning is confusing, your ways bewildering, and your trails will breaking. If this is my fate, then who am i to argue?