Well i thought i was over it.

[zanza34]

Well again something i thought i had left buried and behind a long time ago has reared its ugly head again. It's something i have been fighting with for quite some time (since 8th-9th grade yr) and i thought after junior year it was gone and not coming back. Ha was i wrong. After i finally started coming to church for a while i started to change away from the person i was then, and i was glad to finally maybe get away. I had handled it quite well but apparently the old me doesnt want to die so easily. Most of my childhood i stewed in anger and resented the whole world, it cost me alot and made my life miserable. That really wasnt the bad part though, yea having all that anger was bad and i lost some good friends because of it but it just didnt stop there. I wont go into too much detail about it here because it isnt something everyone needs to know. Yea this week has had great points like getting baptised that really did make me happy, but i still have some stuff to work through. I just hope it goes away and doesnt blanket me like it did before, i guess time will tell

"Tourniquet"

i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

i want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

Song im listening to right now... it just makes me think