Late
To say I feel out of it doesn't quite do justice to my current state of being. I don't really think I'm living in my body at the moment, luckily it seems to have auto-pilot down to a fine art.
The funeral is on Monday, I've spent today and yesterday helping to organise as much as I can. This has mainly involved looking over financial documents with my mother, looking up music lyrics on the computer (shirley bassey as it happens) and, predominantly, answering the damn phone.
I've not had much contact with my general outside world; mostly one message from each of you. I know this is because you, variously, don't want to disturb me, don't know what to say, think it best to let me decide when to talk or flat out can't start the conversation with me. I fully understand all of these reasons and, frankly, I would hate to have to talk to me a few days after the event; given how prone I am to outbursts when I'm in a normal state and that I know, as I'm sure you know, that the first person to say something wrong to me will receive the most un-just and un-fair barrage of bile; none of which will be really directed at them.
For the words I have received I can only say thank you so much for them, each of you either made me smile or come close to tears; both results as good as the other I think.
I shall be in Leeds on thursday evening for my brother's birthday. Attached to this trip is a certain level of apprehension as I've no idea how my brother is doing; every time I speak to him he just sounds hollow. Hopefully it will be a good night, apparently Simon is coming too.
I think that's all for now dear diary, goodnight.
P.S Before I forget, thank you for checking up on me Ashley, I love you as always.
The funeral is on Monday, I've spent today and yesterday helping to organise as much as I can. This has mainly involved looking over financial documents with my mother, looking up music lyrics on the computer (shirley bassey as it happens) and, predominantly, answering the damn phone.
I've not had much contact with my general outside world; mostly one message from each of you. I know this is because you, variously, don't want to disturb me, don't know what to say, think it best to let me decide when to talk or flat out can't start the conversation with me. I fully understand all of these reasons and, frankly, I would hate to have to talk to me a few days after the event; given how prone I am to outbursts when I'm in a normal state and that I know, as I'm sure you know, that the first person to say something wrong to me will receive the most un-just and un-fair barrage of bile; none of which will be really directed at them.
For the words I have received I can only say thank you so much for them, each of you either made me smile or come close to tears; both results as good as the other I think.
I shall be in Leeds on thursday evening for my brother's birthday. Attached to this trip is a certain level of apprehension as I've no idea how my brother is doing; every time I speak to him he just sounds hollow. Hopefully it will be a good night, apparently Simon is coming too.
I think that's all for now dear diary, goodnight.
P.S Before I forget, thank you for checking up on me Ashley, I love you as always.