[Fanfiction] Star Wars - Lie Here Wanting
Even after all this time...I still really miss her :( I still remember that fateful day when I met her for the first time, seven years ago, when I picked up Heir to the Empire from the library. I was a lonely fourteen-year-old nerd, needed a hero, even if it was just a fictional one, and she fit the bill so amazingly. Smart, complicated, sarcastic, kicks an incredible amount of ass, an anti-hero, but ultimately a good person...
Seriously, she wasn't done being awesome. Not by a long shot.
Why'd they have to take her away?!! T_T
Title: Lie Here Wanting
Genre: Vignette, Romance, Angst
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Mara
Summary: She embraced the beginnings of their time together; he grapples with its end.
A/N: POV switches between Mara (post-VOTF) and Luke (post-Sacrifice)
They were both exhausted (gratifyingly so...), but Mara felt no desire to sleep, and neither did he, apparently. The flowing conversation they had shared earlier had slowly given way to silence. But that was all right.
It was both wonderful and completely ridiculous, how content she could be just lying there in his arms, her head resting on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. When she felt him lightly nuzzle her hair, she sank a little deeper into bliss.
It was probably just the novelty. She would grow bored of it before long. Right?
No, Mara thought resignedly, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.
She let out a small sigh, then propped herself up on her arms, so she could look down at the man she’d been using as a pillow. In the semi-darkness, she could see Luke’s curious expression. “What is it, Mara?”
Resting her chin on one hand, she gave him a sour look. “What, exactly, have you managed to do to me?” He’d loved her, he’d somehow made her love him, and the feelings of loving and being loved had filled her heart to the point where sometimes she felt she would burst. And relished it. That idea still took some getting used to.
She could have explained that to Luke, but she knew she didn’t need to, not when she’d left herself open to him, through their bond. He smiled, and he felt him silently reach out, pouring his own affection, just as powerful, into their connection in the Force.
Mara let her head fall back onto his chest.
She felt his fingers stroke her hair. “You need to stop sounding like you hate this. I know you love me, really.”
“Shush. You’re ruining the moment.”
There is gaping hole in his breast, where she had been ripped out from inside him, leaving what remained to bleed into the void.
The tangibility of the pain is such that when he runs his prosthetic hand over his chest, Luke is a little surprised to find that it’s intact. No, the damage lies just within.
His left hand stretches out and fists in the sheets of the bed, where she was supposed to be lying, desperately fumbling for remaining traces of her warmth. But rather than bringing comfort, the act only reminds him of how empty everything has become. How it’ll never be complete again. There are no slender arms to wrap around him, no soft, lithe body to pull against his, no red-gold hair to bury his face in, no sweet, burning lips to kiss him -
“Mara...” The name falls, almost unbidden, from his lips. “Mara. Mara.” He’s a living jar, shattered open, and the woman who had filled him to overflowing spills from the fragments. I love you, I love you, I need you...
- not even the lingering echo of a voice to whisper the words back to him.
He shuts his eyes tight, but tears still escape.
It is another few hours before he finally succumbs to the exhaustion of several sleepless nights.
“Luke, you need to let go now. It’s a little tricky trying to sleep like this.”
She couldn’t see his face, but his voice conveyed the wide-eyed expression that he was probably sporting. “But I don’t want to. How will I be sure you won’t slip away while I’m asleep?” The arms around her waist tightened their grip, just a little.
She allowed her amusement to creep into her voice. “Are you seriously afraid of that?”
“Well...”
“Luke -”
She heard him laugh. “No, not really. But I’m still not letting go.”
Mara wriggled, half-heartedly trying to free herself, but it only told her how pointless the effort would be. “This is another one of those things I’m going to have to get used to, right?”
“Mmmmhmmmm.”
She gave up, and relaxed in his arms. “You’re wasting your effort, though.
“You know I’m going to be right here when you wake.”
His eyes reluctantly open, and he finds himself staring straight up at the ceiling.
As his mind trudges sluggishly into wakefulness, he starts to tilt his head so he can see whether she’s-
Suddenly remembering, Luke freezes. His gaze remains forcibly fixed on the space above him.
Please, he begs silently, be there.
But the edges of his peripheral vision are, even now, betraying the truth he cannot face.
“Mara...come on, now.”
Stubbornly, she kept her eyes closed, but it was getting harder to ignore the sunlight searing her face and the insistent murmuring in her ear. “Let’s get one thing straight, Skywalker. On my days off, I absolutely refuse to keep farmboy hours.”
Luke chuckled, and she felt his mirth reverberate pleasantly through the strong chest pressed against her back. “It’s been hours since sunrise, my dear.”
“Hmmph. Just a minor detail.” She shifted around to face him. “Why the urgency?”
“Because, as lovely as the thought of passing the day in bed with you sounds -” he reached out to stroke her cheek. “- we only have the rest of our lives to spend together, and there are so many things I want to experience with you.”
She raised an eyebrow. “‘Only’ the rest of our lives? I was counting on that to take quite a while.”
He smiled warmly. “All the time in the galaxy with you still wouldn’t be enough. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Mara found that she could not help smiling in return. She reached up, and squeezed the hand he had laid on her cheek.
“All right. You win, farmboy.” Slowly, she sat up, and gazed curiously at him. “Now, what kind of things did you have in mind?”
“Well, I have plenty of ideas, but...” Luke’s eyes narrowed in exaggerated thoughtfulness. “I think it’d only be appropriate to start the day getting cleaned up with a shower. Don’t you agree?”
Mara raised an eyebrow. “Together?”
“Well, that would help save time...”
The glint in his blue eyes made her doubt that very much. But -“You know, I like the way you think.” She let a mischievous smirk touch her lips.
Grinning, he stepped out of bed, and gallantly held a hand out to her.
Mara rolled her eyes, but took the proffered hand anyway, allowing herself to be pulled along.
The sunlight streams mercilessly onto him through the open window. It fails to warm him even a little.
He feels every bit as spent as he did before giving in to sleep. He doesn’t think he has the energy to rise. There are probably a thousand good reasons to try anyway, but Luke finds that right now, he cannot recall any of them.
It's not as if he can leave the emptiness behind.
The rest of our lives...ours, Mara.
Not just yours.
If he had to be left behind...It wouldn't matter, would it? No matter how long she could have lived, it could never have been enough. A hundred lifetimes together would still have flown by in the blink of eye.
And his days beyond her passing will draw out for an eternity.