I feel unclean...
Hattri Hayji ran thru the street of Baker City, looking for Jimmy Kudo. Kudo couldn’t be affected. He kudn’t. Right?
[AN: Don’t betcher ass on that one, sparky.]
Harly ignored the voice in his head that he didn’t know where it was coming from because ya just don’ kno these things, ne? He ducked down an ally to avoid running into Rachel and Sonoko and his tan skin his him in the shaows becase not everyone in Japan has dark skn so he stud owt eksept when he was in darkness.
“And that knew exchange student is sooo Kawaii, isn’t he? Hattri herd Ran saying to Serena as they wasled past his hiding place.;
[AN: Harly’s havin’ a bad day, huh?]
Hayji, known as the Detective of the East, along with Shin’ich Kudo, the Detective of the west, was a teenage detective in hight school. He is fifteen years old, 5’6”, had dark shin, spikey black hair and luminous blue eyes like the sky at noon and he is wearing khakis, a verdant shirt and hiking boot with his favorite Red Sox cap.
He came out of the ally and looked around carefulest. Suddenly a tall asian man wearing black pants and a black shirt with a shi mask on ran up to him and he was holding a gun. “Your ded know, Hattri Harly!!!!! All your b-“ And the man was *squished* by a big metal fool that came out of the sky.
“Freedom is the right of all sentient beeings. Transformers: more than meets the eye. Autobots, transform and roll out!!!!!! You’ll rue the day you crossed me megatron!!!!!!!!”
[AN: Optimus! *squeeee!!!!!*]
“…….the fuck?” Said the Detective of the east. The teenage detective gave up on finding the teenage detective and sad down in the street, closing his sapphire orbs behind his eyelids and hiding his head in his hands.
Last Author’s Note I Promise: OMG that suxxors, this is my first fic so be gentle R&R or I won’t rite more kthnxbai!
Right. So, by my count that's:
-tense changes
-run-on sentences
-bad punctuation
-bad spelling
-inconsistent names
-unnecessary capitalization
-random Japanese insert
-typos like whoa
-author note insert
-incorrect information
-excessive and unnecessary description
-all your base
-your instead of you're
-unnecessary, incoherent and unexplained crossover
-rue the day
-dropped ending
-the "my first fic" excuse
-I won't write without reviews
-internet shorthand
I think that's it. If you can't tell what the hell's going on, don't worry, you didn't miss anything.