Just so we're all perfectly clear...
Here are a few things to remember when you're out shopping so that you don't look like the biggest ass for miles around, unlike some of the customers who decided to grace my store with their presence. That's right, kids, it's time again for Things I Wish I Could Have Said At Work.
1. If you have a good sex life, congratulations. If you have a bad sex life, too bad for you. But do not tell me about it while I'm checking you out.
2. Don't try to tell me the rules around here. Keeping my job depends on obeying those rules--trust me, I know them better than you do.
3. I do not control the decisions made by Home Office. Home Office is the top of the food chain, I am not.
4. Tapping your foot, sighing and loudly commenting to the person behind you about how much of a hurry you're in will not make the line move any faster. We're short-handed. I'm going as fast as I can. Try being patient.
5. Your kids are not making nearly as big a scene as you are by screaming at them from one end of the store to the other.
6. You know that private cell phone conversation you're having? It's not private if you have it at the top of your lungs in front of half a dozen people.
7. Wal-Mart does not scan when you walk through the door to find out how much money have, and you're an idiot for saying that. Especially if you didn't really mean it.
8. (courtesy of
gissia) I know you think that Wal-Mart provides free babysitting while you shop, but that is an urban myth. You brought them in with you, you need to watch them and leave with them, too.
1. If you have a good sex life, congratulations. If you have a bad sex life, too bad for you. But do not tell me about it while I'm checking you out.
2. Don't try to tell me the rules around here. Keeping my job depends on obeying those rules--trust me, I know them better than you do.
3. I do not control the decisions made by Home Office. Home Office is the top of the food chain, I am not.
4. Tapping your foot, sighing and loudly commenting to the person behind you about how much of a hurry you're in will not make the line move any faster. We're short-handed. I'm going as fast as I can. Try being patient.
5. Your kids are not making nearly as big a scene as you are by screaming at them from one end of the store to the other.
6. You know that private cell phone conversation you're having? It's not private if you have it at the top of your lungs in front of half a dozen people.
7. Wal-Mart does not scan when you walk through the door to find out how much money have, and you're an idiot for saying that. Especially if you didn't really mean it.
8. (courtesy of
gissia) I know you think that Wal-Mart provides free babysitting while you shop, but that is an urban myth. You brought them in with you, you need to watch them and leave with them, too.