Money well spent
I will warn you straight-up that this is an angry, long, ranty kind of post. Someone dear to me used to say that poisonous snakes inhabited me because I was apparently good at having a venomous tongue. So read at your own discretion.
I am angry. I am pissed. I am fucking livid. I am so angry I want to see things go up in flames. What made me so irremediably furious was not one of the usual suspects: grad school is going surprisingly fine, things with Nick are excellent and I quite enjoy life here. What made me pissed were five bucks I spent.
You're probably thinking I'm the most petty person in the world if I'm seriously upset over five dollars. It's not the money itself, but who it went to.
Long story short, I commissioned someone on FA 2 months ago or so. Her sister had gotten into a car accident (or so she said) and she was taking commissions to help her out. I scraped five bucks and sent them to her via Paypal, hoping to help a bit. The story started to seem sketchy when she was reluctant to take my advice surrounding state assistance for people with low incomes and high medical bills-I won't get into all the jargon, but the fact is she seemed unconcerned about my suggestions. However, I put that little bud of doubt aside and just waited for the commission. And here it is, actually: http://i55.tinypic.com/2dce4y8.png. The commission's done, she just never bothered to send it. Honestly? I don't care. It's five bucks and I'll live without them. Or at least that's how I felt until I stumbled into this: http://kit.deviantart.com/journal/43388639/. I'll give you the tl;dr version; this person is a terrible animal abuser, and the accounts in the journal are nothing short of painful. The problem is not that I lost five bucks, it's that I lost them to this...thing.
I'm not the most staunch of Marxists, but if the fire-eaters of my youth got anything right, is that money speaks, and if you wanna talk the talk, you gotta put your money where your mouth is. I'm not great at managing my finances, but I try as much as I can within my economic and class constraints to be responsible for the cuts in the frames that I make. Being in grad school is nothing better than masturbating my ego and splattering my mental cum all over a bunch of people trying to spill theirs on me unless I'm willing to bring theory to life and incorporate life into my theory. If I give money to a company like Target or Wal-Mart, which I _do_, I am aware of the problematics of that and those are choices I choose to live by, uncomfortable positions I (to a certain extent) willingly put myself in.
This is something else.
If this person had only taken my five bucks, honestly, look at all the fucks I give. None would've been given that day. But to think that my money (and several other peoples' money-apparently she got something like 1300 out of the kindness of furry hearts) went to someone who treats her _pets_ as despicably as this person did, it's too much to not be outraged. It's too much to not be furious that my money passed through their bank account. It's too much to not be bothered by, and I pray to God or Yemaya or whoever cares to listen that if my financial situation ever gets better I will NOT become that person that says "whatever, it's only five bucks", in the face of something that is bothers me so, on so many levels.
I'm honestly trying to keep somewhat level-headed and not hope the seven plagues upon their doorstep-but it's hard. It makes my blood boil and I feel it for those animals and also for that family and also for all of those who will probably be more reluctant to give out of the kindness of their hearts for a cause that's actually worth it in the future.
I am angry. I am pissed. I am fucking livid. I am so angry I want to see things go up in flames. What made me so irremediably furious was not one of the usual suspects: grad school is going surprisingly fine, things with Nick are excellent and I quite enjoy life here. What made me pissed were five bucks I spent.
You're probably thinking I'm the most petty person in the world if I'm seriously upset over five dollars. It's not the money itself, but who it went to.
Long story short, I commissioned someone on FA 2 months ago or so. Her sister had gotten into a car accident (or so she said) and she was taking commissions to help her out. I scraped five bucks and sent them to her via Paypal, hoping to help a bit. The story started to seem sketchy when she was reluctant to take my advice surrounding state assistance for people with low incomes and high medical bills-I won't get into all the jargon, but the fact is she seemed unconcerned about my suggestions. However, I put that little bud of doubt aside and just waited for the commission. And here it is, actually: http://i55.tinypic.com/2dce4y8.png. The commission's done, she just never bothered to send it. Honestly? I don't care. It's five bucks and I'll live without them. Or at least that's how I felt until I stumbled into this: http://kit.deviantart.com/journal/43388639/. I'll give you the tl;dr version; this person is a terrible animal abuser, and the accounts in the journal are nothing short of painful. The problem is not that I lost five bucks, it's that I lost them to this...thing.
I'm not the most staunch of Marxists, but if the fire-eaters of my youth got anything right, is that money speaks, and if you wanna talk the talk, you gotta put your money where your mouth is. I'm not great at managing my finances, but I try as much as I can within my economic and class constraints to be responsible for the cuts in the frames that I make. Being in grad school is nothing better than masturbating my ego and splattering my mental cum all over a bunch of people trying to spill theirs on me unless I'm willing to bring theory to life and incorporate life into my theory. If I give money to a company like Target or Wal-Mart, which I _do_, I am aware of the problematics of that and those are choices I choose to live by, uncomfortable positions I (to a certain extent) willingly put myself in.
This is something else.
If this person had only taken my five bucks, honestly, look at all the fucks I give. None would've been given that day. But to think that my money (and several other peoples' money-apparently she got something like 1300 out of the kindness of furry hearts) went to someone who treats her _pets_ as despicably as this person did, it's too much to not be outraged. It's too much to not be furious that my money passed through their bank account. It's too much to not be bothered by, and I pray to God or Yemaya or whoever cares to listen that if my financial situation ever gets better I will NOT become that person that says "whatever, it's only five bucks", in the face of something that is bothers me so, on so many levels.
I'm honestly trying to keep somewhat level-headed and not hope the seven plagues upon their doorstep-but it's hard. It makes my blood boil and I feel it for those animals and also for that family and also for all of those who will probably be more reluctant to give out of the kindness of their hearts for a cause that's actually worth it in the future.