(no subject)
(The . Everyone [Za, Xellos, Zelgadis, Utena, & Juri] is sitting around the Obscenely Large Monitor and are prepared to MST. Za and Xellos are sitting on the [tiny] couch; Za is glomped onto Xel.)
Juri: Does she ever stop hanging onto him?
Utena: Not that I've seen.
Zelgadis: You have no idea...
> ok so i figured you guys had to know the her whole story. so here it is.
Utena: Who's "her"?
Juri: One of the author-created characters, no doubt.
Utena: ...I'm not looking forward to this.
> as the title says. how everything thing came to be.
Zelgadis: --annoying.
> i don't own inuyasha but i do own Kyoto, Namiyo, and Taki.
Za: Three Mary Sues for the price of one!
Utena: What price is that?
Zelgadis: Pain. A shitload of pain.
Juri: Is it really so hard to use the shift key?
Xellos: She seemed to have no trouble capitalizing her own characters' names.
Juri: Another bad sign.
Utena: And Kyoto is a city in Japan...
> if you would like to use them in a story then email me and ask. my email:
> inuyasha_crazy@yahoo.com
Zelgadis: I could go for the obvious "crazy" bit here, but I think it's kinda pointless.
> How everything Came to be
Juri: There's the inability to capitalize properly again...
(Xellos smirks at the title; or, rather, which word was capitalized. Everyone else pretends not to get the innuendo.)
>Chapter 1: Inuyasha’s Birth
Utena: Inuyasha's having a kid? I thought he was a guy...
Juri: You haven't noticed all the Mpreg stories, have you?
Utena: ...no.
Juri: Consider yourself lucky.
>“Hayaku! We must not be late Namiyo,” said Taki.
Zelgadis: And the first word of the story is fangirl Japanese. (looks over at Za) She's worse than you. And that's hard to do.
Za: ...(whimpers)
Xellos: (pets her) You know better now, though.
> The little girl followed her mother over a hill and to the front gates of an enormous palace.
Juri: Enter the Mary Sues.
Za: Enter my feelings of nausea.
> Namiyo titled her head back. The castle was huge! She ran along side her mother.
> Her mother carried a basket on her back full of the supplies they would need for
> the job they were about to perform.
Za: Arg!
Xellos: (concerned) What's wrong? It hasn't been that awful yet.
Za: The basket thing...you know how irksome it is to have a song stuck in your head, right?
(Xellos nods)
Za: Try having an entire musical. I have "Into the Woods" on repeat in my brain. -.-;
> Taki walked right up to the wooden gates and knocked.
Utena: "Knockin' on heaven's door."
Za: Not bloody likely.
Xellos: Maybe an angel will show up and destroy the whole thing.
Juri: We should be so lucky.
> A small window opened up and a yellow youkai eye looked out them.
> “What the hell do you want? Go away you humane,” said the annoyed youkai.
Everyone: ...*sweatdrop*
Za: Humane what?
> Taki poked the youkai in the eye. The youkai yelped.
Zelgadis: That's a great way to start things out. Piss off the first demon you meet. Fucking brilliant.
> Namiyo giggled, her mother never took shit from anyone. Whether it was a youkai
> or humane. Her mother had a purpose here she would fulfill it.
Utena: What purpose?
Juri: I'm certain we'll have the misfortune of finding out.
> “ My daughter and I are here to help the Lady Yuri give birth.
Za: Lady Yuri?
(Za and Xellos snicker. Juri gives them a look and they quiet down.)
> Lord InuTaisho summoned us. So we are expected,” Said Taki.
> A smack was heard.
Za: That would be a facepalm.
Utena: Huh?
Za: It's a term from marysues
Utena: Ah.
> “Let them in,” said a deep voice.
Xellos: "Little pig, little pig, let me in--your--"
Juri: No.
> That voice sent shivers up Namiyo’s spine. Who ever he was,
> she could sense his power. The wooden gates opened and they stepped in side.
Za: "In side"? What, as opposed to in front?
Zelgadis: Now you're just grasping.
Za: (reddens) ...well...yeah...
(Za hides behind Xellos. Again.)
> Servants were bustling everywhere. Nayimo took in her surroundings. She was not
> paying attenion and ran into a someone. She looked up and saw a pair of gorgeous gold
> eyes looking at her.
Juri: Odd. I thought "taking in one's surroundings" involved being very concious of things around oneself.
> He had long sliver hair and was very tall. Taki ran up to Namiyo and bowed before the slivered > haired youkai.
>
> The slivered haired youkai before them was none other than InuTaisho. The Lord of the Western > Lands.
Utena: What's "slivered" hair?
Za: Something like that. (points at Zelgadis' hair)
> “Onegai, please forgive her my Lord. She is but a chotto girl,” said Taki.
(Everyone bursts out laughing.)
Zelgadis: Chotto girl? Just partially a girl?
Xellos: Try "chiisai." Actually, go with "little girl." In fact, just give up altogether.
> “Please forgive me,” said Namiyo. She put her hands together and bowed before him.
Xellos: No, sorry. You're unforgiveable.
> “ It is all right. Please follow me to my wife.” Said the Lord.
>
> Taki nodded her head. She took Namiyo’s hand and followed him.
> He lead them to a bedchamber. A woman was screaming inside.
Xellos: Lemon already?
Juri: I don't believe it's that kind of screaming.
> The Lord looked down at the little girl and wonder how she would react to the screaming.
>
> The girl was calm, as if she had seen or done this before.
Juri: *yawn* People screaming in agony is so boring.
> Taki opened the door and walked in. A very beautiful woman was in the bed.
> A demon servant was wiping her sweaty brow. Lady Yuri held her engorged stomach.
>
> Namiyo was surprised to find out the demon lord had a humane wife.
Za: She'd expected a cruel one.
Xellos: Not outragous, all things considered.
> The baby would be a hanyou.
Zelgadis: No, really?
> Taki quickly took her pack off and rummaged through it.
> She pulled out a bottle of thick green liquid. Taki stood up and looked at the Lord.
Utena: I'd really rather not ponder what that liquid is supposed to be...
Za: Some author-created cure-all, no doubt.
Utena: I said, I didn't want to think about it.
Za: Sorry.
> “Could you please leave us to our job.”
>
> Lord InuTaisho nodded his head and walked out.
Xellos: Of course. I'll leave you and your child alone with my pregnant wife. It's not like I care about being there while she gives birth or anything.
> Taki walked over to Lady Yuri. She poured the green liquid onto a spoon.
> She then gave it to the Lady. Lady Yuri made a face as the horrible liquid
> went down her throat.
Juri: (looks at Xellos) No.
Xellos: Spoilsort.
> “ I know it taste bad but it will help ease the pain.” Taki started to
> feel and message her stomach.
Utena: So "Taki's" feeling her own stomach?
Za: No, she's 'messaging' it. I wonder what the screen name is?
Zelgadis: Grasping again.
Za: (pouts) Shut up.
> This birth would be hard on Lady Yuri.
>
> “Namiyo, go and get some cool water from the kitchen.
> Then tell them to boil a pot of water and bring it here. Be hayai about it,” said Taki.
Utena: More absolutely pointless japanese.
Juri: How's the average reader supposed to know what "hayai" means, anyway?
Za: On-line dictionary?
Xellos: The word doesn't even fit properly in that sentence.
> Namiyo nodded. She ran out the room. She ran to a servant who was walking into the room.
>
> “ Could you please take me to the kitchen?” asked Namiyo.
>
> The servant nodded her head.
>
>“Hai.”
Za: The more I read, the more ashamed I feel of my overuse of pointless japanese vocabulary in my old fanfic.
>Namiyo followed the servant down the hall.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Sesshomaru poked around in the kitchen looking for something to eat.
Sesshoumaru: This Sesshoumaru would not "poke around" a kitchen. I would not deign to go to the kitchen myself.
Everyone else except Xellos: !?
Utena: o.o When did you get here?
Xellos: In between the tildes. Didn't you notice?
> Break fast had not been served that morning.
Utena: What would a normal youkai breakfast be, anyway?
Xellos:
Utena: Don't answer that.
> Because his stepmother had gone into labor.
> The whole house was running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Utena: Shouldn't that be one sentence?
Juri: I'd rather it wasn't there at all. Nor the rest of the sentences either.
Za: I can see Sesshoumaru using a phrase like "chickens with their heads cut off." Except not really.
> “ Who cares, that baby is just going to be a stupid hanyou,” said Sesshomaru.
> He picked up a red plum and bit into it.
Xellos: You know, plums are considered--
Juri: No.
Xellos: You have no sense of humor.
Juri: I have no sense of perversion.
Xellos: Same thing. ^_^
> The door to the kitchen flew open.
> Sesshomaru turned around and tossed the plum behind him.
> He wasn’t allowed to eat out side of breakfast, the mid-day meal, or dinner.
(Everyone but Sesshoumaru laughs.)
Sesshoumaru: Ridiculous. I am not some pathetic human teenager to be given such an order.
> A servant rushed in and beside her was a girl. It took him a minute to realize
> that the girl was humane.
Za: ...Sesshoumaru who?
> She had the same jet-black hair as other humans
Xellos: Because all humans have jet-black hair.
Za: I guess it's the most common hair color in Japan...?
(Utena looks at a lock of her hair and pikus.)
Za: ...or not.
> except hers was streaked with purple. Her eyes were not brown but the
> same purple as her hair.
> She had a cute upturned nose. Her leashes were long and dark.
Za: As if we needed more proof that this is a Mary Sue: purple eyes, distinctive hair, trite phrases like "cute upturned nose"...
I do adore purple hair, though.
(Xellos preens.)
Zelgadis: Her "leashes"? What the hell is that about?
Utena: Is it a good idea to have "leashes" around dog demons...?
> She was poor. He could tell by her kimono. It was plain pale blue.
> His kimono however was made of the finest silk.
Juri: This author also seems to have forgotten how to use commas.
Utena: So...any kimono that's pale blue is automatically an indicator of destitution?
> He didn’t think she was servant, even though he didn’t know any of the servants
> personally, but he was sure he would have remembered a girl with purple streaks in her hair.
Sesshoumaru: Human servants are impractical. They are inferior beings.
Juri: (shoots an icy look at Sesshoumaru) Considering the variety of youkai, I can't see how a human girl with a streak of odd-colored hair would be memorable.
(Sesshoumaru actually looks away from Juri's gaze.)
Sesshoumaru: All humans tend to look the same, anyway.
> Sesshomaru was surprised he was attracted to her.
Everyone:
Sesshoumaru: Attracted to a human wench? One I believed to be a servant?
> She looked no more than 10 years old.
Zelgadis: What the fuck?
Xellos:
I didn't know you were a pedophile, Sesshoumaru-san! ^_^
(Sesshoumaru snarls and takes a swipe at Xellos. Xellos dances out of the way with the same smirk that sent Filia into a frenzy all the times he mocked her. Sesshoumaru, however, is clever enough to know when he's out-classed, and returns to glaring at the fic.)
> “What is it you want me to do,” asked the servant.
Za: Use a question mark at the end of an interrogative sentence.
> “ I need a pail of cool water. I also need a some water boiled and
> taken to Lady Yuri’s chamber.” Said the girl.
>
> Namyio waited while the servant did the things she asked.
Utena: God forbid she actually help or anything.
> Sesshomaru was surprised that the servant was taking orders from a little girl.
> If she had been a few years older and wasn’t humane, he would have courted her.
(Sesshoumaru snarls; his eyes redden as he struggles against his temper.)
Za: This is getting beyond ridiculous.
> For he was 14, old enough to court young ladies.
Xellos: Or young men. ^_^
> Namiyo looked over at Sesshomaru. He was staring at her.
> This boy was the Lords son. She knew it with out even asking anyone.
> He looked just like him.
Juri: You'd think this would be a cue to be polite.
> “Nani? What are you looking at?”
Za: Someone who uses too much superfulous Japanese.
Utena: An author-created character with the power to make all canon characters behave wildly out of character.
Zelgadis: A moron.
Xellos: Breakfast. ^_^
> Sesshomaru was surprised at her tone. She was clearly aggravated.
>
> “ What the hell are you doing here humane,” said Sesshomaru coolly.
Za: Making you act out of character, of course.
Juri: This "humane" thing is getting me progressively more aggravated.
“ I am here to help your mother deliver her baby,” said Namiyo.
> The servant handed her a pail of water.
Sesshoumaru: That human was not my mother.
> Sesshomaru didn’t believe her. This girl was too young.
Juri: Old enough to be lusted after, but too young to assist a midwife?
Za: And why isn't Sesshoumaru correcting her about his stepmother?
> She started moving towards the door.
> Using his yoikai speed he and swiftly stepped in front of her.
(Another facepalm moment.)
Zelgadis: "Yoikai"? Fucking moron.
> Namiyo was becoming aggravated.
Utena: Didn't it just say that she was "clearly aggravated" already?
Za: Yes. Yes it did.
> She was in hurry and didn’t have time to deal with this gaki.
Everyone: . . . . .
Utena: "Gaki"?
Juri: There is the irony of using a word that can also mean "ghoul," I suppose.
Xellos: Perhaps someone was swiping Touya's bit from Cardcaptor Sakura?
Za: The way this thing's going, it's more likely she watched "Cardcaptors."
(There is a collective shudder of distaste at the mention of that abomination.)
> “Move, gaki.”
>
> “Did you just call me a brat?” asked the angry Sesshomaru.
Juri: No, I called you a "gaki."
Utena: At least that was an attempt at explaining what gaki's supposed to mean...
> No humane has ever dared to talk him like that.
Sesshoumaru: Had one dared to do so, it would not have had a chance to finish its sentence.
> “Did I stutter? Now move I must help my mother,” said Namiyo.
Juri: How has this fool stayed alive?
Utena: The Power of the Mary Sue.
> Sesshomaru stood right up in front of her.
>
> “Make me,” he said haughtily. He snickered. She had spunk but she would never
> defy a youkai prince.
Za: ...Sesshoumaru...snickering...
Xellos: I don't believe you "snicker" at all, do you?
Sesshoumaru: No.
Juri: "Spunk."
> “Fine,” she said.
>
> Namiyo held up her hand and Sesshomaru felt his feet lift off the ground.
> He looked down and saw himself floating in the air. Namiyo flicked her hand
> and tossed him into a stack of hay in the corner.
Utena: (groans) Another Mary Sue quality...the ability to wipe the floor with powerful canon characters without blinking.
Zelgadis:
Za: Why is there a stack of hay in the corner of the kitchen?
> She ran out as fast as she could with the heavy bucket.
Juri: Now she has the sense to flee.
> “ That girl isn’t humane! Is she a miko?” wondered Sesshomaru.
Sesshoumaru: I know that a miko is usually human. This...deplorable weakling bears no resemblance to this Sesshoumaru.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Lady Yuri moaned in pain. Taki was trying to make her comfortable.
> Taki would be surprised if she made it through the birth.
Utena: If only.
Juri: Unfortunately, I believe she was referring to "Lady Yuri."
(Juri looks sharply and Xellos and Za, who attempt to stifle their grins.)
> Having a hanyou was tough on a humane body. Taki had helped in many births. Only
> couple of them had been to hanyou’s, and ever time the mother had died.
> Sometimes the baby died to.
Za: "Ever time," "died to"...make the horrible grammar and spelling stop.
(Za hides against Xellos. Yet again.)
> Youkai’s were pregnant for only three months.
Xellos: Actually, "youkai" would be both the singular and plural term, given the nature of Japanese words.
Juri: And even if it were not, "youkais" wouldn't require an apostrophe.
> Woman who carried hanyou children were pregnant for five months. Not as long as
> humans but much longer than youkai’s. Youkai female bodies could adjust to being
> pregnant with hanyous better than humans. Humans had a really hard time with it.
Zelgadis: I'm having a hard time not getting bored with all this expository bullshit.
> Taki wiped off her brow. Namiyo ran into the room with the pail of water.
>
>“What took so long?” asked Taki. She took the pail from her daughter. Namiyo walked
> over to their pack fumbled through it.
>
> “I ran into some interference. A very arrogant gaki got in my way.”
Sesshoumaru: Knowledge of one's superiority is not arrogance; it is merely fact.
Juri: Right.
> She pulled out a very soft cloth. She also pulled out a bottle that contained some white soap.
>
> Taki picked up the silk cover and looked.
>
> “Namiyo she’s ready to give birth.”
>
> Namiyo rushed to her mother’s side.
>
> The servant who helped Namiyo brought in the hot water.
>
> “Where do you want me to set this?” asked the servant.
>
> Taki helped Lady Yuri sit up.
>
> “Put it on the table,” said Taki.
Za: Sorry, but I find all of this too boring to even riff.
> Namiyo pulled up the covers up to her knees and spread her legs. Taki came to the
> edge of the bed.
Juri: No.
Xellos: You really are no fun. You know that, right?
(Juri ignores him.)
> “ Ok when I tell you to push.”
>
> Lady Yuri nodded. A wave of pain came over her.
>
> “PUSH!”
Everyone:
Juri: We've never seen anything like this on television, film, or books before. It's terribly original.
> Lady Yuri pushed. After a few minutes a screaming baby boy slide into Taki’s hands.
> Namiyo handed her mother a special pair of scissors. Taki cut the imbecile cord
(Laughter. Even Sesshoumaru snorts with derisive humor.)
> and handed the baby to Namiyo. She wrapped the soft cloth around him and brought
> him over to the table. She skillfully poured the water into a large bowl and held the
> baby with one hand. She put her hand in the water felt it was to hot. The water started
> to cool down as her hand became coated with ice.
Za: Wow. Magic power. So impressed. (starts to doze off)
>When it was cool enough she washed the baby with the soap from the bottle. Her mother
> attended to Lady Yuri needs. The baby hanyou had white dog-ears and a little bit of
> sliver peach fuzz on his head. His tiny hands had sharp little claws.
Juri: You know, this story is a good example of "why running spell check isn't enough." There are plenty of words here spelled correctly, but simply are not the correct word: humane, sliver
imbecile...
Zelgadis: I think the "imbecile" part is pretty right-on.
>Namiyo smiled and wrapped him up in a small blanket. She walked over to Lady Yuri and put
> her him in her arms.
>
> Lady Yuri was pale. The birth had been very hard on her.
>
> “ I’ll go get Lord InuTaisho, you know what to do Namiyo.” said Taki. She walked out of
> the room.
Za: (twitches) Too--many--comma--splices. Urge to kill rising.
Xellos: I know, love.
> Namiyo pulled a small bottle out and poured it into a glass.
>
> “Here drink this,” said Namiyo.
Juri: (glares at Xellos) Don't.
Xellos: (mildly) Actually, I wasn't thinking of anything racy about that line. So much for your lack of perversion, ne, Juri-san?
(Juri's look makes the Arctic seem balmy. Xellos mostly ignores this, though his smirk betrays his amusement.)
> Lady Yuri took it and swallowed.
>
> “Thank you, what is your name?” asked Yuri.
>
> “Namiyo, your baby is very kawaii, what are you going to name him?”
(Za has developed a recurring twitch in her right cheek due to the excessive comma splicing.)
Zelgadis: Damn, enough with the fangirl Japanese, already!
> “ Inuyasha,” Lady Yuri looked up at the girl.
Utena: Actually, I've kind of wondered about that. I mean...what sort of name is "dog demon" for a child?
Za: That's a good question.
Juri: Perhaps it was to keep others from thinking him a hanyou?
Xellos: You'd think that would have the opposite effect.
Zelgadis: Let's just agree that it's a dumb-ass thing to name your kid and move on.
> “How old are you?” asked Yuri.
>
> “ I am seven.”
>
> Yuri couldn’t believe her ears. This young girl was only seven years old and she helped
> her mother in delivery her baby?
Xellos: It really was pedophilia, then, Sesshoumaru-san?
Sesshoumaru:
> “ Do you always help your mother?”
>
> “ Ever since I was five.” She walked over to the tub and pored the water out the window.
> Lady Yuri smiled at the kawaii girl who was mature beyond her years.
Zelgadis: Jesus Christ, five?
Za: Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but this...?
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Taki walked down the hall and found Lord InuTaisho. He was pacing. A young man was
> standing next him. He looked exactly like Lord InuTaisho except he had a crescent moon
> shaped mark on his forehead.
Juri: (flatly) Pacing. This is beyond clichéd.
>“You have hay in your hair,” said Taki as she pointed to Sesshomaru’s hair. He reached up
> and pulled it out.
Utena: Wow. Running gag. Ha-ha.
Sesshoumaru:
> “ You have a beautiful little boy,” said Taki.
>
> InuTaisho smiled. He slapped Sesshomaru on his back.
Everyone: . . . . .
Sesshoumaru: Chichiue would never do such an undignified andhuman thing.
> “Great, just great” said Sesshomaru. He had a stupid little hanyou brother.
>
> “ I have another son, is Yuri all right?” asked InuTaisho.
Za: (grits teeth) I am about to go on a killing rampage.
Xellos: (strokes her hair) Now, now, love. Let's get through this thing and I'll take you out for some constructive murder and mayhem.
Utena: . . .
Zelgadis: Gah, this again?
> “Hai, but the birth was very hard. Most humane woman doesn’t survive when they have a
> hanyou. She was one of the lucky ones.”
>
> “But that’s good. I mean I am hear to take care of her.” InuTaisho was worried what was
> he trying to tell him?
>
> “Hai, but If were to get very sick. She will die. So please even if it’s a cold. Call me
> ok? If I can catch it in a enough time, I can heal her.”
Utena: Call her? How? With a telephone?
> InuTaisho nodded.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> “So you like the name?” asked Yuri.
>
> Namiyo rocked the little boy in her arms.
>
> “Hai, it is him. He’s going to have great chikara. The power of a demon, but the heart of
> a humane.”
Zelgadis: (beats head against a nonexistant wall) Toomuch#151;pointlessJapanese.
> The door opened and InuTaisho walked in and kissed his wife. Namiyo smiled.
>
> “Where is he?” Yuri pointed at Namiyo.
>
> He walked over to her and she handed Inuyasha to him.
>
> “ He is so beautiful, thank you for all your help.”
>
> Namiyo nodded.
Utena: Try a "thank you" here.
> “ I believe it is time for us to take our leave. Come Namiyo.”
>
> Taki picked up her basket and put it on her back.
>
> “Hold on!” InuTaisho reached into a drawer and pulled out a bag of coins. He handed them
> to Taki.
Sesshoumaru: There would be no reason to give money to those humans. Letting them keep their lives is more than generous.
> “Thank you, come on Namiyo.” She took her daughters hand and leads her out.
>
> “Good bye!” she called happily.
>
> They walked out the door and Sesshomaru stood next to his father.
>
> “ What stupid humans.” asked Sesshomaru.
Za: Finally, something in-character!
> “Sesshomaru!”
>
> Sesshomaru looked shock ling at his father.
Utena "Shock ling"? Huh?
> “Nani? Why did you yell at me like that father,” asked Sesshomaru.
>
>“Those humans are different. They have great mahou. Their power and magic is the strongest
> in the land. Taki is a water sorceress and her daughter Namiyo is an ice sorceress.
Za: Most powerful magic in the land...of course. What else would it be? Gah.
Xellos: (pets her) There, there. It's almost over.
> So respect them. They are a dying race. They are the last of their kind.”
Everyone: . . . . .
Utena: Um, if they are the last of their race, they aren't exactly humans, then, are they?
Za: Maybe that's why she kept calling them "humane."
> A/N: ok so i don't know inuyasha's mothers name. so idecied to call her Yuri which means
> Lily. it just seemed to fit her. also Taki's name means water fall. i hope you liked it!
> please reviwe!
>
> http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=9187