Driven to Distraction
I find myself on the fast track to distraction. One conversation seems to have changed everything. I really relate to this person. He's gifted, shy, traumatized somehow. I need this man's friendship.
But I'm frozen.
I analyze every word. Turn it upside-down/inside-out. I question every move I make or don't. I haven't been the same since Robert. I reached out to him so immediately. I was aggressive and thought nothing of what anyone else would say (including him). I just knew we needed to know each other. That's just how I feel now. Yet I can do nothing but second-guess myself. It's dibilitating. I see my own nature put on display every time I think about this man. If he does half the doubting I happen to be partaking of then we'll have no bond at all.
I haven't been able to bring this worry back under control. It's like being sick. I come down with terrible fear and, if I'm lucky, it dissapates after a few weeks. This just feels so urgent. Like maybe there's a narrow window of opportunity to get to know him. He's often busy and somewhat withdrawn.
I've gone so long without befriending someone with hurt in their past. There is a depth and understanding inherent between people of similar pain. Unfortunately our confidence is often lacking.
This is going to continue to drive me mad until I can make my own moment and solidify our friendship.
-T
But I'm frozen.
I analyze every word. Turn it upside-down/inside-out. I question every move I make or don't. I haven't been the same since Robert. I reached out to him so immediately. I was aggressive and thought nothing of what anyone else would say (including him). I just knew we needed to know each other. That's just how I feel now. Yet I can do nothing but second-guess myself. It's dibilitating. I see my own nature put on display every time I think about this man. If he does half the doubting I happen to be partaking of then we'll have no bond at all.
I haven't been able to bring this worry back under control. It's like being sick. I come down with terrible fear and, if I'm lucky, it dissapates after a few weeks. This just feels so urgent. Like maybe there's a narrow window of opportunity to get to know him. He's often busy and somewhat withdrawn.
I've gone so long without befriending someone with hurt in their past. There is a depth and understanding inherent between people of similar pain. Unfortunately our confidence is often lacking.
This is going to continue to drive me mad until I can make my own moment and solidify our friendship.
-T