(no subject)
bowling is awesome.
ive been listening to the goo goo dolls all day
today i had a memory brought up of one time i went to ohio when i used to go see my father. it was july 4th. elementary schoolish age? i remember being at a party and swimming and getting tossed in the air really high. then jump forward i accidently set the coffee can on fire because my sparkler wasnt fully finished. i know, what a random memory...i have others as well. I remember when my father had a boat and we used to go boating in Lake Erie. The day always involved tubing and going to a 'beach'. usually at least one of my aunts went on the ride with some of my cousins. I remember one time my father helped someone else in their boat get to dock because they didnt have enough gas. I learned the concept of karma that day. I also remember the grinder shop right around the corner from my grandparents house, we used to walk there and get bangin french fries and subs. and at night my sister and i would catch fireflies after a hot day of swimming. some nights my aunt christine would take my sister and cousins to the playground across the street...there was an elementary school in walking distance. I remember christmas every year with the family. since we're italian we had pasta for dinner and my aunt michelle always made these amazing cookies in the shapes of candy canes. i remember when most of my cousins were born, im the oldest one on that side of the family. however since i havent talked to my father in about 2 years i know i have another cousin, i dont even know his/her name. i havent seen my ohio family in a long time.
this issue has been toying my mind a lot this year. mostly this summer because i want to pick up the phone and call, but im too afraid. i almost feel like i betrayed the family by not speaking to my father for so long and all of a sudden wanting it all back. i wonder what everyone is up to now and again. i miss the family gatherings, my cousins that i was so close to. i know a big part of why i stopped talking to my father was because i felt betrayed a lilttle bit by him for meeting my step mom and treating her kids(my step brother and step sister) as his own. It made me jealous that those kids got to have my father at their important things and my dad woudldnt even drive to see me have my bat mitzvah when i was 13, spoil me like a father usually does to his daughters, etc.
i just dont know what to say if i were to call and say listen i want things to be decent again, have my father back in my life, cuz yes i do miss him a lot, no matter how much my mom or grandma say they dont like him for whatever reason. i would like to visit ohio this summer, however its july 20th and the summer seems to come to a close already and im having some financial issues where i need to be working for the rest of the days. also i would like my sister to be with me but whenever we talk about the issue we both just kinda get a little silent and move on with a different conversation.
other than that everything is decent. i like my new job at abercrombie. bills are stressing me a little bit right now. family is pretty good. friends have been good, however i havent been a good friend this summer, im just too busy for shit.
thats all for now
ive been listening to the goo goo dolls all day
today i had a memory brought up of one time i went to ohio when i used to go see my father. it was july 4th. elementary schoolish age? i remember being at a party and swimming and getting tossed in the air really high. then jump forward i accidently set the coffee can on fire because my sparkler wasnt fully finished. i know, what a random memory...i have others as well. I remember when my father had a boat and we used to go boating in Lake Erie. The day always involved tubing and going to a 'beach'. usually at least one of my aunts went on the ride with some of my cousins. I remember one time my father helped someone else in their boat get to dock because they didnt have enough gas. I learned the concept of karma that day. I also remember the grinder shop right around the corner from my grandparents house, we used to walk there and get bangin french fries and subs. and at night my sister and i would catch fireflies after a hot day of swimming. some nights my aunt christine would take my sister and cousins to the playground across the street...there was an elementary school in walking distance. I remember christmas every year with the family. since we're italian we had pasta for dinner and my aunt michelle always made these amazing cookies in the shapes of candy canes. i remember when most of my cousins were born, im the oldest one on that side of the family. however since i havent talked to my father in about 2 years i know i have another cousin, i dont even know his/her name. i havent seen my ohio family in a long time.
this issue has been toying my mind a lot this year. mostly this summer because i want to pick up the phone and call, but im too afraid. i almost feel like i betrayed the family by not speaking to my father for so long and all of a sudden wanting it all back. i wonder what everyone is up to now and again. i miss the family gatherings, my cousins that i was so close to. i know a big part of why i stopped talking to my father was because i felt betrayed a lilttle bit by him for meeting my step mom and treating her kids(my step brother and step sister) as his own. It made me jealous that those kids got to have my father at their important things and my dad woudldnt even drive to see me have my bat mitzvah when i was 13, spoil me like a father usually does to his daughters, etc.
i just dont know what to say if i were to call and say listen i want things to be decent again, have my father back in my life, cuz yes i do miss him a lot, no matter how much my mom or grandma say they dont like him for whatever reason. i would like to visit ohio this summer, however its july 20th and the summer seems to come to a close already and im having some financial issues where i need to be working for the rest of the days. also i would like my sister to be with me but whenever we talk about the issue we both just kinda get a little silent and move on with a different conversation.
other than that everything is decent. i like my new job at abercrombie. bills are stressing me a little bit right now. family is pretty good. friends have been good, however i havent been a good friend this summer, im just too busy for shit.
thats all for now