(no subject)
ive always associated love with fear. fear of loss, fear of change, fear of the future. i always know at some point it will end, and die. I hold onto things for too long, i never forget and I always miss. My moods change so rapidly, and i never seem to trust anyone else's won't. Gab cares about me more the anyone in the world, but for some reason I just fear a rapid change of heart, or an unseen obstacle. There are so many odds surmounted against me that it daunts me. I never seem to look and see what I have going for me. I don't sleep anymore. I worry that that's also one of the things i associate with love. Considering the first time i fell in love was last summer, a summer in which i was the most unhealthy person ever. I really have no idea what to do about this, and I doubt there is anything anyone can say to help, but for some reason it felt right to write this down.