Fanfiction: Sins of the Past - Chapter 1
Title: Sins of the Past
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: R with a chance of an occasional NC17 chapter here and there. No promises.
Reference: Manga (SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE MANGA)
Pairings: Roy/Ed or Ed/Roy (whichever/both), Ed/Winry, mentions of past Roy/Riza and past Hughes/Roy
Summary: After several years of being out of the military, Ed shows up in Roy’s office unexpectedly with an offer to revive something that should have been left in the past.
Note: Please note that there are spoilers in this for the end of the manga. Also there is an A/N at the end of the story. I usually include those at the beginning, but just in case there could be anything spoilery in what I said, I decided to be on the safe side.
Sins of the Past
01
Reunion
Roy hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until the clearing of a throat cut through a dream he couldn’t quite hold on to and pulled him back to consciousness. He’d been working a lot lately, and the lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him. Sitting up, Roy was about to sheepishly apologize for his lapse, then stopped when he saw who was standing across the desk from him.
“Well... this is a surprise,” Roy said in surprise.
“I was in the area and thought I’d drop by.” There was a cocky smile, then, “Does Hawkeye know you’re napping during work?”
Roy sat back in his chair, looking his visitor up and down. The last time he’d seen Edward Elric was in Rizembool at his wedding. It had been... how many years since then? Enough that Ed had grown quite tall, about as tall as Roy himself. He’d also filled out quite nicely, making a very fine-looking man.
Roy chuckled and shook his head. “Contrary to popular opinion, she isn’t my keeper.”
“If you say so. Can I sit?” Ed asked, motioning to one of the chairs.
Standing up, Roy motioned to the couches away from his desk. “Let’s sit here. Being a general has its perks, you know. We might as well use them.”
Ed nodded and sat, making himself comfortable, then said, “I heard you two were sort of an item a couple of years ago.”
Roy raised an eyebrow. “Do you keep tabs on everything that goes on here?”
“No, not everything. But I keep my ears open, and I travel a lot so it’s good to know things.”
“I see. Well, yes, Colonel Hawkeye and I were...” Roy paused, not exactly sure how much he wanted to reveal. Riza Hawkeye and he had always had a close relationship, something that had been tinged with feelings of something... more. But, while acting on those feelings had been pleasurable, Roy hadn’t ever been able to shake the idea that such a relationship would eventually harm their working one. In the end, they’d chosen to keep their careers as the first priority. Perhaps there would be something in the future, but not now.
Roy realized he’d gotten lost in his thoughts and cleared his throat. “We were for a while, but decided it wasn’t the right time.”
“Uh huh,” Ed said. “I’ve heard that before.”
There was a short, and uncomfortable moment of silence. The comment had thrown Roy a little off guard. Neither of them had spoken about the short-lived but firey affair they’d had together in a long time. Not since it had ended.
“Right...” Roy said slowly, then cleared his throat. “So tell me, how is your family? I hear you have two kids now.”
Ed nodded. “Boy and a girl. They’re cute kids.” He pulled out a picture and handed it to Roy. “They’re five and two now. Smart kids. Must take after me.” There was a definite note of pride in Ed’s voice. Roy looked at the picture, thinking how the boy actually did remind him of Ed as a kid, then handed the photo back.
“It must be a father thing to show off pictures of your kids,” Roy said jokingly. The instant reminder of Maes Hughes stung, but he pushed the pain away. It was an old wound that generally didn’t hurt except for at the most unexpected of times.
“I guess it is,” Ed said with a grin.
“You’re still doing a lot of traveling, even with your family?” Roy asked conversationally.
“Yeah...” Ed slipped the picture back in his pocket. “I love it in Rizembool, but I want to do more than what I can do just being there. I usually travel for a few weeks, then stay home for a few weeks. Something like that.”
“Must be hard on your family.”
“Sometimes,” Ed said with a nod. “But I think sometimes Winry is ready for me to leave after I’ve been home for a few weeks,” he added with a laugh. “She says I start getting restless and then I’m just useless to her.” Roy chuckled, appreciating Winry’s point of view. He could remember how Ed would get as a teenager if he was kept in one place too long.
And so the conversation continued. There was talk of Alphonse and his wife-Mei-who were studying in Xing and who had no children as of yet. There was talk of Ed’s work and research, and having to get used to life without alchemy. There was talk about Roy’s work with the Ishballans and his continuing goals to become Fuhrer-not to mention the 520 cens that Ed still owed him. There was reminiscing about the past-talk about their adventures, hardships, and joys. And finally the conversation trailed off into silence. Roy wondered if this would mark the end of the visit, but then Ed folded his arms and looked down in thought.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” Ed began. “About... the past-about you and me.”
Roy just sat there, listening. He hadn’t expected Ed would bring this up again, and truthfully he felt a little uncomfortable. The thing between them had been something spontaneous and not thought out very well. Ed had been young, almost sinfully young. He’d been hurting and lost, and Roy had been lonely and hard up.
It had been their dirty little secret. The midnight meetings, the long talks, the office sex, the excitement in Ed’s eyes that spoke of youth, inexperience, and the idea of being wanted by someone else. It had been exhilarating and something to break the monotony. There was no denying that Roy had enjoyed it. He’d passed on quite a bit of his knowledge in the more carnal areas-something he was sure Winry was getting the benefit of.
But the affair began to interfere with their goals and Roy had put a halt to it. It had hurt Ed, Roy had been able to see it in his eyes. There had been hurt, then anger. At times, Roy had wondered if Ed had ever forgiven him, or ever gotten over him. But then Ed had married Winry, and he’d felt reassured that at least Ed had gotten something good in the end.
It was over. It was in the past. Like his affair with Maes Hughes, Ed was locked away in the little box labeled, Bad Relationship Ideas and Painful Memories-Do Not Re-Open. It was where he’d filed his relationship with Riza Hawkeye... So to have it re-opened so unexpectedly was jarring to his senses and emotions.
Ed didn’t seem to have noticed because he continued. “I’m going to be in this area for a while. I mean... I’ll be here, then I’ll leave, then I’ll come back, and... well, you know... being on the road by yourself can be a little lonely.”
There was some nervousness in Ed’s voice now. Roy didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure he would have the balls to bring up an old relationship more than 10 years gone, and perhaps ask for it to be rekindled.
“I can understand that,” Roy finally said. “As you know, life as a soldier, especially as a State Alchemist can be lonely. We travel quite a bit and it’s not unusual for many men-and women-to have to leave their families for an extended period of time.” The amount of affairs in the military was also very high, but he wasn’t going to add that. Roy didn’t really want to encourage Ed right now.
Ed nodded, “So you can understand where I’m coming from.”
“I can, though I don’t have a family myself, so I can’t say I understand with first-hand knowledge. But yes, I understand that it can be lonely at times.”
“Well, so, I thought that maybe you and I could maybe get dinner sometime...” Ed finally said, hesitancy in his voice now. He glanced up and met Roy’s eyes with a look that said he wanted more than just dinner.
Roy eyed Ed silently. This wasn’t the same kid he’d been with before. Ed was an adult now. He was... Roy quickly did the math in his head. Ed was twenty-six now. As someone who had reached his fortieth birthday, Roy could honestly say that he didn’t think anyone should be considered truly an adult until they reached thirty, but at the same time, Ed was old enough to be mature and to know better than to play around. He wasn’t the naïve kid he used to be. He knew what he was getting himself into.
And yet, how many men and women ‘knew better’, but did things any way? Roy had most certainly known better when he’d gotten into his relationship with Hughes; who, being seven years older than Roy, also had known better. They’d both known that if Gracia had found out, she would be hurt-probably devastated-but they’d given into their lust anyway. And now Roy was left with a burning guilt whenever he saw her. He’d taken part of what should have been all hers. He’d been the worst kind of thief, and he couldn’t help feeling even worse by the knowledge that, even after all of that, he felt tempted by Ed’s offer.
“I don’t know if that would be a very good idea,” Roy said. “I know how busy you are. Taking time out for dinner might be detrimental to your workload and detract from other more important matters.”
Ed gave a small lop-sided smile. “I can’t work all the time, can I? And it wouldn’t distract from anything. I’m away from all my most important matters. It’s not like I can bring them with me here. Taking a little time to enjoy myself wouldn’t hurt, would it?”
Roy stared seriously at Ed. Obviously his former subordinate had learned some skill in conversation and negotiating without bringing up the actual subject matter. It was a good skill to have, especially when secrecy was needed, but it just drove home just how much Ed had changed since leaving the military.
“If you have time to enjoy yourself, perhaps it would be better spent in more wholesome activities. You’ve said in the past how bad of an influence I am.”
Ed sat forward. “Just... consider it?”
Roy pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. “Just dinner?”
“Maybe dessert,” Ed said, his voice dropping a little in volume.
With a heavy sigh, Roy said, “Some fruits are forbidden. You do know that, don’t you?”
“I’m not very good at staying away from forbidden things.”
“But won’t even a small child learn not to touch the stove if he gets burnt?”
“I can be careful.”
“It doesn’t matter how careful you are,” Roy said. “If you play with fire, you’ll get burnt eventually. Do you really want to pay that price?”
Ed gave a wry smile. “Is that a double metaphor?”
Roy shook his head. “Ed...” he said, but was cut off.
“Tonight at six? There’s this place on Main and 47th that I think would be really good.”
For several moments there was no sound but the ticking of the clock as it counted away the seconds it took for Roy to struggle between his morality and his lust. His mind argued back and forth between seeing Ed’s family in his mind and wondering if just once would be alright. After all, if it wasn’t him, then Ed could just as easily go on to another. So, in the end, it wouldn’t be his fault if it didn’t work out for Ed. They were all excuses, and he knew it. In the end it would have been him who Ed had been with. It would have been him who had, again, taken something that didn’t belong to him, even if it had been offered to him on a silver platter.
“I... suppose I might be free at six,” Roy said slowly, with each word feeling like he was stepping down the road toward hell.
Ed smiled, looking pleased. “Good. I really hoped I’d have a chance to catch up with you more while I was here.” When he stood, Roy stood as well. “I’ll get out of here so you can work now-or nap, whichever.”
“Of course. Thank you for stopping by,” Roy said politely.
Ed stepped toward the door and glanced back with a nod. “Sure. Six tonight?”
“Six tonight,” Roy affirmed.
And then Ed was gone.
Roy sat back down on the couch and closed his eyes. Wanting to kick himself for his everlasting stupidity, and yet looking forward to tonight more than he wanted to admit.
A/N: I have to be honest. I only meant for this to be a oneshot, but then I realized it would work better in parts. Mostly I got all kinds of ideas from the end of the manga and wanted to write some of them out, though my current lack of time doesn’t quite allow me to write long oneshots or long chapters if I want to get things out quickly.
I also don’t know how fair it is to you, my readers, to be posting yet another multi-chapter that is unfinished in my own files, but I blame “End of Manga Fever” for my madness. I also wanted to get something out there that is Roy/Ed, given the ending of the manga, and the under abundance of post manga Roy/Ed fics ^_~
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: R with a chance of an occasional NC17 chapter here and there. No promises.
Reference: Manga (SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE MANGA)
Pairings: Roy/Ed or Ed/Roy (whichever/both), Ed/Winry, mentions of past Roy/Riza and past Hughes/Roy
Summary: After several years of being out of the military, Ed shows up in Roy’s office unexpectedly with an offer to revive something that should have been left in the past.
Note: Please note that there are spoilers in this for the end of the manga. Also there is an A/N at the end of the story. I usually include those at the beginning, but just in case there could be anything spoilery in what I said, I decided to be on the safe side.
Sins of the Past
01
Reunion
Roy hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until the clearing of a throat cut through a dream he couldn’t quite hold on to and pulled him back to consciousness. He’d been working a lot lately, and the lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him. Sitting up, Roy was about to sheepishly apologize for his lapse, then stopped when he saw who was standing across the desk from him.
“Well... this is a surprise,” Roy said in surprise.
“I was in the area and thought I’d drop by.” There was a cocky smile, then, “Does Hawkeye know you’re napping during work?”
Roy sat back in his chair, looking his visitor up and down. The last time he’d seen Edward Elric was in Rizembool at his wedding. It had been... how many years since then? Enough that Ed had grown quite tall, about as tall as Roy himself. He’d also filled out quite nicely, making a very fine-looking man.
Roy chuckled and shook his head. “Contrary to popular opinion, she isn’t my keeper.”
“If you say so. Can I sit?” Ed asked, motioning to one of the chairs.
Standing up, Roy motioned to the couches away from his desk. “Let’s sit here. Being a general has its perks, you know. We might as well use them.”
Ed nodded and sat, making himself comfortable, then said, “I heard you two were sort of an item a couple of years ago.”
Roy raised an eyebrow. “Do you keep tabs on everything that goes on here?”
“No, not everything. But I keep my ears open, and I travel a lot so it’s good to know things.”
“I see. Well, yes, Colonel Hawkeye and I were...” Roy paused, not exactly sure how much he wanted to reveal. Riza Hawkeye and he had always had a close relationship, something that had been tinged with feelings of something... more. But, while acting on those feelings had been pleasurable, Roy hadn’t ever been able to shake the idea that such a relationship would eventually harm their working one. In the end, they’d chosen to keep their careers as the first priority. Perhaps there would be something in the future, but not now.
Roy realized he’d gotten lost in his thoughts and cleared his throat. “We were for a while, but decided it wasn’t the right time.”
“Uh huh,” Ed said. “I’ve heard that before.”
There was a short, and uncomfortable moment of silence. The comment had thrown Roy a little off guard. Neither of them had spoken about the short-lived but firey affair they’d had together in a long time. Not since it had ended.
“Right...” Roy said slowly, then cleared his throat. “So tell me, how is your family? I hear you have two kids now.”
Ed nodded. “Boy and a girl. They’re cute kids.” He pulled out a picture and handed it to Roy. “They’re five and two now. Smart kids. Must take after me.” There was a definite note of pride in Ed’s voice. Roy looked at the picture, thinking how the boy actually did remind him of Ed as a kid, then handed the photo back.
“It must be a father thing to show off pictures of your kids,” Roy said jokingly. The instant reminder of Maes Hughes stung, but he pushed the pain away. It was an old wound that generally didn’t hurt except for at the most unexpected of times.
“I guess it is,” Ed said with a grin.
“You’re still doing a lot of traveling, even with your family?” Roy asked conversationally.
“Yeah...” Ed slipped the picture back in his pocket. “I love it in Rizembool, but I want to do more than what I can do just being there. I usually travel for a few weeks, then stay home for a few weeks. Something like that.”
“Must be hard on your family.”
“Sometimes,” Ed said with a nod. “But I think sometimes Winry is ready for me to leave after I’ve been home for a few weeks,” he added with a laugh. “She says I start getting restless and then I’m just useless to her.” Roy chuckled, appreciating Winry’s point of view. He could remember how Ed would get as a teenager if he was kept in one place too long.
And so the conversation continued. There was talk of Alphonse and his wife-Mei-who were studying in Xing and who had no children as of yet. There was talk of Ed’s work and research, and having to get used to life without alchemy. There was talk about Roy’s work with the Ishballans and his continuing goals to become Fuhrer-not to mention the 520 cens that Ed still owed him. There was reminiscing about the past-talk about their adventures, hardships, and joys. And finally the conversation trailed off into silence. Roy wondered if this would mark the end of the visit, but then Ed folded his arms and looked down in thought.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” Ed began. “About... the past-about you and me.”
Roy just sat there, listening. He hadn’t expected Ed would bring this up again, and truthfully he felt a little uncomfortable. The thing between them had been something spontaneous and not thought out very well. Ed had been young, almost sinfully young. He’d been hurting and lost, and Roy had been lonely and hard up.
It had been their dirty little secret. The midnight meetings, the long talks, the office sex, the excitement in Ed’s eyes that spoke of youth, inexperience, and the idea of being wanted by someone else. It had been exhilarating and something to break the monotony. There was no denying that Roy had enjoyed it. He’d passed on quite a bit of his knowledge in the more carnal areas-something he was sure Winry was getting the benefit of.
But the affair began to interfere with their goals and Roy had put a halt to it. It had hurt Ed, Roy had been able to see it in his eyes. There had been hurt, then anger. At times, Roy had wondered if Ed had ever forgiven him, or ever gotten over him. But then Ed had married Winry, and he’d felt reassured that at least Ed had gotten something good in the end.
It was over. It was in the past. Like his affair with Maes Hughes, Ed was locked away in the little box labeled, Bad Relationship Ideas and Painful Memories-Do Not Re-Open. It was where he’d filed his relationship with Riza Hawkeye... So to have it re-opened so unexpectedly was jarring to his senses and emotions.
Ed didn’t seem to have noticed because he continued. “I’m going to be in this area for a while. I mean... I’ll be here, then I’ll leave, then I’ll come back, and... well, you know... being on the road by yourself can be a little lonely.”
There was some nervousness in Ed’s voice now. Roy didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure he would have the balls to bring up an old relationship more than 10 years gone, and perhaps ask for it to be rekindled.
“I can understand that,” Roy finally said. “As you know, life as a soldier, especially as a State Alchemist can be lonely. We travel quite a bit and it’s not unusual for many men-and women-to have to leave their families for an extended period of time.” The amount of affairs in the military was also very high, but he wasn’t going to add that. Roy didn’t really want to encourage Ed right now.
Ed nodded, “So you can understand where I’m coming from.”
“I can, though I don’t have a family myself, so I can’t say I understand with first-hand knowledge. But yes, I understand that it can be lonely at times.”
“Well, so, I thought that maybe you and I could maybe get dinner sometime...” Ed finally said, hesitancy in his voice now. He glanced up and met Roy’s eyes with a look that said he wanted more than just dinner.
Roy eyed Ed silently. This wasn’t the same kid he’d been with before. Ed was an adult now. He was... Roy quickly did the math in his head. Ed was twenty-six now. As someone who had reached his fortieth birthday, Roy could honestly say that he didn’t think anyone should be considered truly an adult until they reached thirty, but at the same time, Ed was old enough to be mature and to know better than to play around. He wasn’t the naïve kid he used to be. He knew what he was getting himself into.
And yet, how many men and women ‘knew better’, but did things any way? Roy had most certainly known better when he’d gotten into his relationship with Hughes; who, being seven years older than Roy, also had known better. They’d both known that if Gracia had found out, she would be hurt-probably devastated-but they’d given into their lust anyway. And now Roy was left with a burning guilt whenever he saw her. He’d taken part of what should have been all hers. He’d been the worst kind of thief, and he couldn’t help feeling even worse by the knowledge that, even after all of that, he felt tempted by Ed’s offer.
“I don’t know if that would be a very good idea,” Roy said. “I know how busy you are. Taking time out for dinner might be detrimental to your workload and detract from other more important matters.”
Ed gave a small lop-sided smile. “I can’t work all the time, can I? And it wouldn’t distract from anything. I’m away from all my most important matters. It’s not like I can bring them with me here. Taking a little time to enjoy myself wouldn’t hurt, would it?”
Roy stared seriously at Ed. Obviously his former subordinate had learned some skill in conversation and negotiating without bringing up the actual subject matter. It was a good skill to have, especially when secrecy was needed, but it just drove home just how much Ed had changed since leaving the military.
“If you have time to enjoy yourself, perhaps it would be better spent in more wholesome activities. You’ve said in the past how bad of an influence I am.”
Ed sat forward. “Just... consider it?”
Roy pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. “Just dinner?”
“Maybe dessert,” Ed said, his voice dropping a little in volume.
With a heavy sigh, Roy said, “Some fruits are forbidden. You do know that, don’t you?”
“I’m not very good at staying away from forbidden things.”
“But won’t even a small child learn not to touch the stove if he gets burnt?”
“I can be careful.”
“It doesn’t matter how careful you are,” Roy said. “If you play with fire, you’ll get burnt eventually. Do you really want to pay that price?”
Ed gave a wry smile. “Is that a double metaphor?”
Roy shook his head. “Ed...” he said, but was cut off.
“Tonight at six? There’s this place on Main and 47th that I think would be really good.”
For several moments there was no sound but the ticking of the clock as it counted away the seconds it took for Roy to struggle between his morality and his lust. His mind argued back and forth between seeing Ed’s family in his mind and wondering if just once would be alright. After all, if it wasn’t him, then Ed could just as easily go on to another. So, in the end, it wouldn’t be his fault if it didn’t work out for Ed. They were all excuses, and he knew it. In the end it would have been him who Ed had been with. It would have been him who had, again, taken something that didn’t belong to him, even if it had been offered to him on a silver platter.
“I... suppose I might be free at six,” Roy said slowly, with each word feeling like he was stepping down the road toward hell.
Ed smiled, looking pleased. “Good. I really hoped I’d have a chance to catch up with you more while I was here.” When he stood, Roy stood as well. “I’ll get out of here so you can work now-or nap, whichever.”
“Of course. Thank you for stopping by,” Roy said politely.
Ed stepped toward the door and glanced back with a nod. “Sure. Six tonight?”
“Six tonight,” Roy affirmed.
And then Ed was gone.
Roy sat back down on the couch and closed his eyes. Wanting to kick himself for his everlasting stupidity, and yet looking forward to tonight more than he wanted to admit.
A/N: I have to be honest. I only meant for this to be a oneshot, but then I realized it would work better in parts. Mostly I got all kinds of ideas from the end of the manga and wanted to write some of them out, though my current lack of time doesn’t quite allow me to write long oneshots or long chapters if I want to get things out quickly.
I also don’t know how fair it is to you, my readers, to be posting yet another multi-chapter that is unfinished in my own files, but I blame “End of Manga Fever” for my madness. I also wanted to get something out there that is Roy/Ed, given the ending of the manga, and the under abundance of post manga Roy/Ed fics ^_~