Descent - Chapter 41
Title: Descent
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: R - NC17
Reference: First anime. A few things and people have been pulled from the manga here and there.
Type: Angst, Divergence (splits off from episode 32), Drama, Romance, Mystery, Political, Yaoi, Het, etc.
Pairings: Roy/Ed, Al/Winry, (other minor pairings both yaoi and het)
Warnings: Language, Sex (both yaoi and het), Violence, etc.
Summary: After getting Al’s body back, Ed finds that life after reaching his goal wasn’t what he expected. As the country faces the threat of civil war, will Ed be able to handle life without Alphonse constantly by his side, or will he simply substitute one companion for another?
Chapter Listing Here
Descent
Chapter Forty-One
Honesty and Deceit
Winry stepped outside and softly closed the door behind her. It was very early, but she couldn’t sleep and she had no real desire to stay in bed. Her gaze moved over the fields of grass, the trees, the dirt road... The sun had yet to peak out over the mountains, but the sky and her surroundings were softly lit by its eminent arrival.
She breathed the morning air in deeply, then let it out as she moved to stand near the railing that surrounded the porch. The air was lukewarm, but the day would heat quickly after the sun rose. Summer in Rizembool was a beautiful thing and she loved it despite how hot it got in the middle of the day.
Memories wafted through her mind of when she was younger, of when she played in the fields and in the trees, or down by the stream... Memories of a time when her days were filled of playing with her friends, then coming home and chatting to her mother as she made dinner, or sitting on her father’s lap while he read.
Tears pricked at her eyes at the thought of her parents. She missed them so much... They’d gone away to help in the war and never returned... War had been such a far away thing to her before. It had been a thing that happened in another place to other people. War had possessed no name, no face... But after she’d learned of their deaths it had felt as if war was right outside her window, waiting to come in and get her like the imaginary monster under her bed or in her closet.
It was the same now. War was rearing its ugly head and it was just outside her window, but it wasn’t coming for her... No, it never came for her... She gazed over the peaceful scenery with a sharp pain in her chest. War was out there. It was hiding in the trees and it was stationed in Rizembool’s central township. War was wearing the sharp blue uniforms of the Amestris military, and it was wearing the plain clothes worn by those she’d met from the People’s Army. War was knocking on her door and demanding yet another sacrifice, and she loathed to give up anything else because it hurt too badly. The loneliness was just too much...
Winry sniffled a little and looked down at the heavy wood of the balustrade. She’d spent a long time crying in the shed last night. It wasn’t as if she’d wanted to get into a fight with Al. Yes, it was true that she hadn’t told him directly that she was leaving, but it was because she’d known that he would want to go with her.
She gritted her teeth in anger. Those men from the military-Archer and Kimblee-they were out to get Al. Archer wanted Al to work for him, and she wouldn’t put it past him to do something rotten to coerce him into joining them. And then there was Kimblee...
A small growling noise sounded in her throat. The way Kimblee had looked at Al, the way he’d talked to Al... it reeked of wrongness, yet Al didn’t see it! And then there was Russell. He also wanted Al to join in this war, but for the People’s Army instead. She shuddered at the thought of him.
Russell was... She couldn’t explain it exactly, but something wasn’t right about him... And, of course, Al didn’t see that either. He was too naïve, too trusting... It was one of those things she both loved and hated about him. It was cute, but not when there was trouble.
She sighed and glanced over toward the mountains. The sun would be up very soon now, yet it was hard to feel any joy over seeing the sunrise. The fight had taken a lot out of her. She didn’t want Al to get hurt just because he was trying to protect her. There was no need for him to go with her everywhere she went.
And, as much as she tried to forget, Russell’s words haunted her. She tried to tell herself that Al did trust her, that Russell was wrong. He was just trying to cause contention between them. She was sure that he was telling Al things to make him doubt her too... It made sense in a sick way. If they were fighting, then maybe Al would decide to take off and join the People’s Army. Of course, Al didn’t think that way.
They needed to talk... They needed to clear the air between them, because she couldn’t stand the thought of fighting with Al, and she couldn’t bear the thought of Al joining the war-no matter what side. She had so many fears and doubts...
Winry moved her gaze to the road that led away from the house. How many times had she stood here or at her window, gazing at that road and waiting for Al and Ed to return? How often had she wondered if they were alright? They were so close; they were like her family... How often had she felt the fear that they would never return, just like her parents...? She never wanted to have to deal with that kind of fear and loneliness again...
She lifted her head a fraction when she heard the door opening behind her, then shutting softly. Her body tensed and she forced herself to stare fixedly at the road. Until either granny or Russell came back, she and Al were the only ones there, so there was no mistaking who it was behind her.
There was silence for a few moments, then she heard Al’s boots clunk against the wooden deck as he walked over beside her. Out of the corner of her eye, Winry could see him lean against the railing. He didn’t say anything, and neither did she, but Winry could feel the tension between them. It was uncomfortable and she suddenly felt the urge to run away and not have to deal with it. Instead, she turned her head and looked at Al as he stared off down the road.
Winry took in every little feature as she studied him. His sandy-blond hair had begun to grow out just a little bit since she’d cut it, but it still looked neat and well taken care of. His lips were pulled down into a thoughtful frown, and his eyes held dark bags under them as if he hadn’t slept.
Perhaps he hadn’t...
The two of them rarely, if almost never, fought and in fact this was the first real fight they’d had since... well... since they were children. Alphonse was such a peace-loving person that Winry doubted he’d gotten any more sleep than she had.
Winry felt her eyes sting as she imagined him not being here anymore. It suddenly didn’t matter if she was right or if he was right... Who spoke up first or apologized didn’t really matter. What mattered was that they loved each other and that they took care of each other...
“Al...” Winry began with the intention of apologizing, but Al turned and quickly pressed a finger to her lips.
“Don’t say it,” he whispered, and his eyes crinkled in pain. She frowned at him, wondering what he thought she had been going to say. With a deep sigh, Al dropped his hand and closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them and saying, “I was wrong...” She shook her head and opened her mouth, but again he pressed a finger to her lips. “Don’t speak, please...” he said. “Not yet. Just... Let me speak first.”
Winry nodded reluctantly and closed her mouth. Shaking his head, Al turned his back to the railing and leaned against it. “I thought a lot about what you said last night, and... well, I... I can’t promise I won’t try to go with you all the time. I can’t promise not to worry about you or to want to protect you.”
He turned his head and stared at her in silence for a moment before going on. “I can’t imagine my life without you...” he said, his voice heavy with emotion. “If something happened to you...” He shook his head. “I’d never forgive myself. I know you’re probably going to be mad at me for saying this, but I’m not going to back down. I’d do anything if I thought it would keep you safe.”
She folded her arms under her breasts and stared down at the porch before saying, “You’re right. I don’t like it, but...” Her voice caught and she had to stop for a moment to get her emotions in check. “I do understand. I want to protect you too. I don’t want to lose anyone else...”
Tears gathered in her eyes, making the wood blur into a brown blob, and she closed her eyes, making a tear from each eye slide down her cheek. The sound of boots on wood met her ears, then a hand was touching her chin and tipping her head up.
Opening her eyes, Winry saw that Al was looking down at her in concern, and she tried to look down again as embarrassment filled her at being so weak. Instead of forcing her to keep looking up at him, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her.
“I don’t want to fight, Winry...” he breathed into her ear. “Why are we fighting? Why is it always so tense?”
She wrapped her arms around his chest and buried her head in his chest before saying bitterly, “It’s because of the military, and because of Russell...” Truthfully, she wanted to lay all the blame at Russell’s feet. She didn’t like him, and it was after he came that her and Al had become so edgy with each other. When Al didn’t say anything, Winry pulled back a little and stared up into Al’s eyes. “I don’t want him staying here anymore, Al...” Sure, he was gone now, but she knew he’d be back...
Al looked away and pulled an indecisive look. “Winry... I don’t think Russell is the problem...”
“Yes he is,” she insisted, and tried to pull away, but he held onto her. Feeling frustrated and hurt, Winry said, “I don’t feel good having him here. If you won’t tell him to leave, then I will.” If she had to, she’d talk to granny and have her tell him to leave. It was her house after all.
“Winry, you don’t understand... I know Russell is sort of a jerk sometimes, but he does have a good heart.”
She made a sound of frustration, and said, “You say that about everyone. I love you, Al, I really do, but you’re too nice. You don’t see that there could be a problem because you want to believe there is good in everyone.”
“Not everyone, but I do believe it of Russell.” Al shook his head. “He has been a little strange since he got here, but I’m guessing it’s the stress he’s under with his assignment from his superiors and having to leave Fletcher in Dublith.
“I feel for him, I really do, but...” She made a sound of frustration. “Do you care for him more than me?”
“No! Of course not!” Al exclaimed, looking hurt that she’d even suggest such a thing.
“Then please ask him to go...”
Al gave her a wounded look, but finally nodded. “Okay... When he gets back, I’ll let him know that he’ll need to find another place... But, give him a little time to make other plans at least, okay?”
“He didn’t give us any notice that he was coming,” she complained.
“Compromise with me,” Al said. “He’s my friend, and I don’t want to ask him to leave.”
She sighed. “Okay...” She supposed she could compromise with him about it. At least Russell would be gone soon, and that would mean less tension in the house, and less of a chance that he’d be able to talk Al into joining the People’s Army.
0-0-0-0
It took Ed five tries, in the space of three hours, to get out of bed. He’d sit up, groan at whatever symptom was bothering him most at the moment-be it headache, stomachache, or just plain tiredness-and lay back down to get more rest. In fact, it wasn’t until the phone rang that Ed realized just how late he’d slept in. Not that it really mattered. Weekends were meant for sleeping in.
Rolling over, Ed pawed blindly for the phone-more because the noise was giving him a headache than the fact that he wanted to answer it-and when he found the receiver, Ed brought it to his ear and mumbled, “Whthefukdouwant...”
There was a moment of silence before, “Mornin’, chief!” was bellowed into the phone. “Or would you rather me call you ‘boss’ now?”
“I’d rather you not be calling at all. It’s Sunday. What the hell do you want?” Ed snapped, and instantly regretted it as his head began to pound even worse than it had been.
Havoc chuckled. “I see you’re in your normal, pleasant mood. Well, I’ll get right to the point then. I just visited Fuery at the hospital-you know they’re releasing him soon, right? Anyway, he seemed pretty nervous and all, and I thought that, if you weren’t busy today, it would be nice if you dropped by and said ‘hi’.”
Ed glanced over to the clock. It was almost noon... Rubbing his eyes, Ed said, “Yeah, sure. I was planning on going down there anyway today.”
“Thanks, chief.” There was a small pause, then a more serious, “He told me how often you’ve been visiting him. That’s... that’s really good of you...”
“Yeah, I’m full of goodwill,” Ed said sardonically as he yawned. He wanted to say something snide, but they’d just made peace and he didn’t want to chance shaking things up right now. “Anything else?”
“Nope!” the man said, his voice returning to his previous good humor. Ed frowned in irritation. Why did Havoc get to sound like he was in such a good mood when Ed felt so shitty?
“Fine, bye,” Ed grunted, and hung the phone up so roughly that it made a loud ‘ding’ sound as the bell inside jingled. Ed lay there for several minutes, tempted to go back to sleep. Instead, he smacked his lips together and decided that he needed something to get the moisture back in his mouth. Some water or something...
After forcing himself out of bed, Ed looked down at himself as he headed toward the kitchen. Naked. Completely naked. And of course his clothes were strewn all over the apartment... He pulled a glass out of the cupboard, filled it with water, and sipped at it on his way to the bathroom. What the hell had he been thinking last night? Obviously, he hadn’t been thinking...
Never getting drunk again... Ed thought to himself as he moved to stand in front of the bathroom mirror. He moved his head close to the glass and peered closely at himself. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was messy and knotted. He groaned as he reached up and fingered his hair. It was going to be a bitch to untangle...
He leaned in even closer and turned his head slightly before saying to his reflection, “You look like shit.” He sniffled a little, then rubbed at his nose before running a hand over his cheeks. He had a bit of stubble, but it was so fine and light that it was barely noticeable. “No wonder everyone thinks you look like a kid,” Ed complained to his reflection as he set the glass of water down and leaned in a tad closer to inspect his face.
Maybe he should shave... It was something he only had to do a couple times a week, but he needed it now... Ed blanched at the thought. Once or twice a week was actually an exaggeration. It was more like once or twice a month...
“You suck, you know that right?” Ed said to his reflection, who didn’t seem at all disturbed by this insult. “You can’t even grow facial hair!” Ed looked down at Roy’s razor and can of shaving cream. He could see Roy in his mind, face lathered with cream and slowly dragging the expensive razor down his face.
“Only pansies use shaving cream and razors,” Ed remembered saying. He smiled a little as he remembered turning one of his fingers into a blade, rubbing soap on his face after wetting it a little, and quickly giving himself a shave.
“You’d use a razor and shaving cream too if you actually grew facial hair instead of that fuzz you like to pretend is hair,” Roy had countered with that damned smirk of his...
Ed blinked rapidly at the sudden sting in his eyes, then grabbed the can of shaving cream, dispensed some into his palm, then lathered his face with it. It felt strange having foam on his face, but when Ed looked back up to the mirror, all he could think of was how Roy looked like this in the mornings.
Snatching the razor, Ed pointed it at his reflection and said, “Pathetic. That’s you. Weeping and moaning over that bastard... He’s fine. He’s going to show up any day now and he’ll probably laugh at how stupid you were to believe that he could be hurt.”
Ed dragged the razor down his face, turned on the tap, and rinsed the blade before repeating the motion. After a couple of times, Ed pointed the razor at his reflection again and said, “Roy Mustang doesn’t make mistakes. You’ll see.”
His reflection looked unconvinced.
Swallowing hard, Ed continued to shave; and when he was done, he rinsed his face, patted it dry, then reached for the bottle of aftershave lotion Roy always used. If he was going to use Roy’s stuff, he might as well go all the way.
Patting the lotion on his skin, Ed suddenly breathed in quickly through his nose and he blinked his eyes again-this time at a different sting. “Holy fuck!” Ed swore as his face tingled and burned. He turned to the bottle to check the ingredients before putting it back on the counter. Fucking Mustang could have told him...
He looked back up at the mirror and touched his skin. It felt so smooth... He leaned close to the mirror to inspect himself. Much smoother than shaving with a knife and a bit of soap and water...
“No wonder he always feels so good...” Ed murmured, then closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on how smooth his skin felt under his fingers, and the smell of the aftershave. He could almost pretend he was touching Roy’s face...
Almost.
But not quite.
Ed opened his eyes and stared at himself for a moment before dropping his hand. “Like I said...” he whispered, and saw in the mirror, the moisture gathering in his eyes as he felt the sting. “Pathetic. He’s fine... I don’t miss him at all...”
A tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. He sniffled, and murmured, “And you’re a fucking bad liar...” before turning away from the mirror and hurrying back to the bedroom.
0-0-0-0
“Al!” Al snorted as he was jolted awake from his nap. “Al!” came the shout again, this time accompanied by a banging on his door. “I’m coming in.” He heard the door open, then a small, “Oh...”
“I’m awake...” he said groggily. Now... Reaching up, Al pulled his face off the open book he’d been sleeping on and sat up to see Winry standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He smiled tiredly at her to show that he wasn’t bothered at all, and said, “What’s going on?”
She looked a little sheepish, and said, “I’m really sorry I woke you. I didn’t realize...” She trailed off as he waved a hand to show that it was of no consequence. He needed to get up anyway or he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep that night.
“Well...” She stepped fully into the room, and he could see that she was holding a piece of paper. “I was just going over the list of people we were inviting to the wedding...”
Uh oh... he thought, knowing full well what was coming. “And?” he asked, showing no sign that he knew what she was about to bring up.
“And, well...” Winry looked down at the list, then up to him. “You haven’t been able to contact Ed yet, have you?”
I knew it... Al thought wearily. “Aaaah... no,” he admitted. “But,” he continued, trying to make himself look better. “From what I gathered talking to teacher, he’s in Central, so he shouldn’t be too hard to find.”
Winry stared at him silently for a moment, then walked over to the bed, and sat down beside him. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Al...” she began softly. “I really don’t understand why you haven’t tried to find him yet. It’s been months.” She turned her head to look at him and repeated with a little force, “Months!”
He couldn’t meet her eyes. She was right, but... “Why do you want him at the wedding so much?” he asked and glanced at her long enough to see a shocked and incredulous look on her face before looking away.
“Are you serious?!” Winry said in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that! Ed is my friend, and he’s your brother. Those reasons alone are enough to want him there. Besides, if it gets you two back together then that’s even more important! I don’t like to see how distant you are when it comes to him. I want to see you guys laughing and joking and...” her voice faltered, and he turned his head back to look at her.
“Winry...” Al said and rested his hand on her leg.
She turned her head to look up into his eyes and said, “Why don’t you want him there?” He opened his mouth and closed it again before shrugging a little. “Oh, no...” Winry pressed. “You tell me, Alphonse. I don’t want to be put off anymore. You keep giving me excuse after excuse, but they’re not the real reasons, are they?” Her eyes held hurt in them and she pleaded, “Please... tell me the real reason.”
Al opened his mouth again, closed it, swallowed, then looked away. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell her that he was afraid that she still loved Ed, couldn’t tell her that he was afraid that she’d change her mind at the last second and want to be with him instead.
He looked down in his lap and murmured, “I guess I’m just afraid that we’ll get into another fight.” It was half truth, but not the ‘real reason’. “What if we get into a fight and ruin the day for you?” he said, hoping she’d take that excuse and not dig deeper.
“Oh... Al...” Winry murmured and laid her hand on his. “That’s really thoughtful, but I’m sure it will be fine. I think Ed has had plenty of time to cool down. I bet...” She trailed off and there was silence for a moment before she continued. “I bet he’s as nervous as you are. I bet he thinks you hate him and don’t want to see him,” she said, her voice seeming more confident. “I think you should find him and make peace with him.”
He looked down at his hands. Maybe she was right... Maybe. He glanced up at her and felt guilt rise up within him at not telling her the whole truth. What would she say if he told her his fears? Would she think he didn’t trust her? Would she be mad at him?
Al looked back down at his hands and gripped the hem of his shirt. If she really knew him, would she still want to marry him? Maybe she was just in love with who she thought he was... Or maybe... He gripped the shirt tighter. Maybe, she was simply setting for him because she didn’t think she could have Ed...
The thought caused a sharp pain in his chest and he felt bile rise up in his throat. “Winry?” he choked out. He wanted to look up at her, but he couldn’t... “Do you... Do you love me?” he asked. “I mean, really? Are you sure you want to marry me?”
When there was no immediate answer, he looked up to see a horrified look on her face. “Of course!” she breathed. “I... How can you even doubt it-doubt me?”
Relief and a new wave of guilt washed through him and he said, “I don’t doubt you... I guess I just wanted to be sure...” It sounded lame, even to himself, and he felt the need to mutter an apology before saying, “I’ll find him... but... I’m worried about leaving you here by yourself...”
“Don’t be,” she said. “I’ll probably be safer while you’re gone since it’s you that Archer and Kimblee want, not me. You just be careful in Central, okay?”
He nodded. “I will.” A thought occurred to him. “I’ll take Russell with me.” It would make a great excuse to get his friend out of Rizembool without having to directly tell him he wasn’t wanted there anymore.
Unfortunately, this did not produce the response that he’d been expecting. Winry didn’t look too pleased. “I don’t think you should travel with him,” she said flatly.
“I thought you wanted him out of the house,” he countered, feeling a little exasperated.
“I do, but I don’t want him going with you.” Her tone was stubborn and he grumbled to himself before answering her.
“You can’t have things both ways. This will get him away from here; and I am not worried about him.”
She stood up and frowned at him stubbornly before grudgingly saying, “Fine... I still don’t like it, but if it will get you to go find Ed and if he’s not here...” She paused for a moment, then said, “When will you leave? How long do you think it will take?”
Good questions... Al laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Well, I guess that depends on when Russell gets back. I doubt he’s going to be gone too long. Hmmm... Maybe we’ll leave in a couple of weeks, no later than that, and I’ll bet if I go directly to Central Headquarters, I’ll be able to find out where Ed is as long as he hasn’t left the military yet...”
He glanced at her and saw a worried look on her face. “I doubt we’ll be gone longer than a week or two.” When her demeanor didn’t change, Al asked, “Do you want to come?”
She seemed to consider this, then shook her head. “Probably better if you go alone. You know, so that you and Ed can have some time by yourselves... Which means, you should dump Russell along the way,” she added tersely.
Al laughed. “Admit it, you just don’t want to travel with him.”
Winry gave him a small smile and started toward the door. When she reached it, she looked back at him and said, “Maaaaaybe,” before slipping out of the room.
He chuckled a little more, then closed his eyes. He still felt a little worried and a tad jealous of Ed, but he couldn’t avoid this forever. Winry was right. He and Ed needed to make peace. This had gone on for far too long, and truthfully... Al missed him. With a sigh, Al opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. It was Ed’s birthday tomorrow... He’d be eighteen... If he was in Central, Gracia Hughes probably knew how to contact him. If he knew her-and he did-she’d probably be sure to make Ed a cake or something. That’s just the way she was.
Maybe he should call her. He’d stopped calling around after he’d talked with Colonel Mustang. He’d felt so hurt that he’d been lied to because he couldn’t help but wonder if Ed was behind the lie. Al supposed he shouldn’t be so shocked that the colonel would lie to him because, well... this was Colonel Mustang, and as much as he respected the man, he hadn’t always been completely truthful to him and Ed over the years. He was shady sometimes; but still, Al didn’t like the lie.
He’d felt that if Ed had asked the colonel to lie for him, then he’d probably asked others too. And if he went that far, then he must not have wanted to be found. Al didn’t know if Gracia would lie to him on Ed’s request or not, but he supposed that it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try. And besides, it had been a few months. Winry was probably right. Things had calmed down and Ed probably was just too proud to admit he was wrong.
Al yawned and closed his eyes. He was still groggy from his nap, and tired from a night of no sleep. Maybe he’d call sometime tonight, or even tomorrow morning. Maybe tomorrow. Then he could wish Elysia a happy birthday too.
0-0-0-0
Ed sat the chess set on the concrete step as he sat down on the stairs at the back of the hospital. His visit with Kain Fuery had gone rather well. Like always, they’d played chess and talked. It seemed like Fuery got better with the game each time he went to visit, and Ed wondered if it was some memory coming back.
He shrugged and fished in his pocket for his pack of smokes. Fuery was very nervous though, Havoc had been right. The poor man was terrified of going back out into a world he didn’t remember. He was scared to go back to work because he couldn’t remember all that he was supposed to do. Ed had promised that he’d help, and he was sure everyone else would too. No one wanted Fuery to be out of a job-he was one of them-and they were going to take care of him. That had seemed to make Fuery feel a little better, but Ed wasn’t sure how much it had really helped.
Pulling the pack from his pocket, Ed looked at it in disbelief for a moment before he threw it on the ground and cursed. Empty again... How the fucking hell had that happened? He tried to think back on how many he’d smoked today, but he couldn’t remember.
“Fuck...” he growled in frustration and rested his head in his hands. He needed a fucking smoke and he was out. Seriously, he needed to keep track of these things and get more before he ran out...
The sound of footsteps on the concrete caught his attention as they moved closer to him, and when they stopped, Ed glanced up to see a cigarette held in front of his face. Looking past it, Ed saw the face of the doctor who had treated his eye the day Havoc had punched him.
“You going to take it or what?” the ragged-looking doctor asked.
Ed reached up, relieved him of the cigarette, and murmured, “Thanks...” before lighting up and inhaling. His eyes widened and he started hacking. “What the fucking hell is this?!” Ed exclaimed through coughs. This was worse than the first time he’d had one of Havoc’s cigarettes.
“It’s a real cigarette,” the doctor said, and Ed stared hard at it before realizing there was no filter on the damn thing. He shuddered a little and took another drag, bracing himself for the raw assault on his throat and lungs.
The doctor-Knox, Ed recalled-took a seat beside him on the step and lit up one for himself. After a couple moments of silence, besides Ed’s coughing, Knox said, “You been taking care of that eye?”
“Yeah,” Ed choked out. He was definitely getting the fix he needed, but Ed didn’t think it was worth the price he was paying.
Knox eyed him up and down. “You didn’t go get yourself hurt again, did you?” Instead of answering verbally, Ed shook his head. “Good. Why are you at the hospital if you’re not hurt?” The man’s voice was gruff, but Ed could also detect some note of parental concern there as well. At least, it was the same tone his mother would get sometimes. He’d also gotten the same tone from Hughes here and there when he was younger...
“Visiting a friend,” he said, then took another drag before coughing again. Knox nodded, and took a drag off his own cigarette as if it were no big deal. “What about you?” Ed asked.
“I work here; in the morgue.”
Ed nodded as he remembered something about that from before. Finishing the cigarette, Ed flicked it away and stared dully down at the ground for a moment, then sat up straight when a thought occurred to him.
“You work in the morgue?” Ed asked, suddenly much more interested.
“That’s what I said, wasn’t it?” Knox grunted.
“Are there any other morgues in Central?”
“No. There used to be, but when Fuhrer Bradley came to power, he wanted all the dead in one place. Stupid thing, if you ask me,” Knox said as he flicked his own cigarette away.
Ed’s heart pounded in his chest and he felt nervous excitement bubble up inside of him. “Do you know about the shooting that happened at headquarters?” Ed asked, knowing full well that anyone who didn’t know had probably been outside the city or living under a rock.
“Of course,” Knox said, taking on a guarded look. Ed opened his mouth, but no words came out. He wasn’t sure how to ask what he wanted to ask. Should he say it right out, or should he try to beat around the bush? He wasn’t very good at the latter, and the former might cause him more problems than anything else... The decision was taken from him when Knox said dryly, “You want to know if Colonel Mustang is down in my office?”
“Uuuuhh...” was all Ed could manage, amazed that the doctor had practically read his mind.
“You’re not the only one who’s asked me that question. The press, nosey military people... I’ve gotten all kinds, and I’ll tell you what I told them; it’s classified.”
Ed deflated at that and murmured, “Oh...” Of course... It would make sense that he couldn’t tell...
Knox eyed him again, then said, “Most people’s motives are easy to figure out, but I have no idea why you want to know.” He looked at Ed expectantly.
Ed cast his mind about trying to come up with a good reason. Telling the man they were lovers would probably-most definitely-be a bad idea, and the fact that Roy was his commanding officer didn’t really seem that important of a reason. Finally Ed settled on, “We’re roommates...”
When Knox didn’t say anything, Ed said quickly, “And friends. He’s my friend, and I was out of town when it happened, and I’m just worried...” He choked on the last word and turned his head away. Would a roommate or a friend get teary about this sort of thing? Was he being too suspicious?
“Sorry...” Ed murmured, pulling himself together. “It’s just that no one can tell me anything, and I’m worried...”
Knox seemed to mull over this before saying, “He’s your commanding officer too, isn’t he?”
“Ah, yeah,” Ed said, surprised that he knew.
Knox nodded and gave him a considering look. “I’ve known Roy Mustang for quite a long time; knew him in Ishbal too. Good man, odd tastes...” Knox looked at Ed through narrowed eyes for a moment before saying, “How long have you two been living together?”
“A few months...” Ed said quietly. What did ‘odd tastes’ mean? Did Knox know something was going on between him and Roy? Would he tell others? He suddenly felt a little panicked and tried to figure out how he could fix the situation.
“A record for him... Well, whatever, not my business.” Knox looked around, then said, in a low voice, “I haven’t seen him, and if you ask me, he’s not dead. There’s always the possibility they dumped his body somewhere, but I doubt it. Mustang is too well known, and it’s common knowledge that the medics rushed off with him after the shooting, so if he’s dead, they’ll have to have a body to produce. I also doubt they’re going to be able to keep this from the public much longer. Either he’s dead or he’s not, and the longer they wait, the more suspicious it becomes.”
Ed stared at him in silence. He didn’t dare to believe that Knox could be right. “So, you think he’s alive?” He wanted to hear it again. He needed to hear it again.
Knox nodded. “If he was dead, I think we’d already know it. The window of opportunity has passed for his enemies. I think we’ll find out soon, so don’t let it worry you anymore.” Knox scowled, and said irritably, “And don’t you tell anyone what I told you.”
“I won’t,” Ed said, a smile growing on his face. He felt relief wash over him. Up until this moment, he’d had nothing solid to hold on to. Now, he really could hope that Roy was alive. He wouldn’t hope too much because it would be all that much worse if it didn’t end up being true, but it was something.
Knox stood and said, “Well, I’ve got to get back to work.” He stared silently at Ed for a moment, then said, “Take care of yourself, alright?”
Ed nodded. “I will, and... thanks...” The last was added in a soft tone. Knox waved it off, gave him one last studied stare, and began walking away.
After he was about two paces away, Knox called back, “And quit smoking. It’s bad for your health.”
At that, Ed laughed out loud. He supposed if anyone else had told him that, he would have gotten irritated, but from a man who smoked cigarettes that Ed would only touch when he was desperate...
“I’ll think about it,” Ed said in good humor. He’d actually already thought about it. He’d planned to quit when he came back to Central, but it just hadn’t been the right time; too much going on.
Ed watched Doctor Knox go, then stood up, picked up the chess set, and headed toward home. His mind was filled with hopes and dreams that he almost felt were possible now. Roy wasn’t in the morgue, and Doctor Knox thought that he was alive. It was the best news he’d heard in a while and he let himself hope, just a little, that it was true.
He turned the corner that would take him straight to the apartment and saw Havoc walking down the sidewalk toward him. The man was barely lighting up a cigarette and when he looked up, he saw Ed and waved.
Ed half waved, half made a ‘give me’ gesture. “Loan me one,” he said when he was close enough. Shrugging, Havoc stopped, pulled one out, and handed it to Ed who promptly lit up. After taking a drag, Ed said, “What are you doing around here?”
“Heading toward a friend’s place,” he said nonchalantly, then waved and started walking again.
Ed turned a little to glance at him as he passed, then shrugged and walked the last little stretch toward the apartment. Finishing the cigarette, Ed decided that he’d drop off the game, then head to the store to pick up another pack and maybe some food.
He unlocked the door and let himself in, then headed back to the bedroom to drop the game onto the bed. He turned to go, then stopped and frowned at Roy’s desk. One of the drawers was slightly open.
Odd...
Ed never got into Roy’s desk, and he was pretty sure that all the drawers had been completely closed before...
He walked over and slid the drawer open. It was filled with a mess of papers. He tapped his fingers on the wood, then shrugged and shut the drawer. Maybe he somehow nudged it when he’d been drunk last night, or maybe he’d even opened it and now didn’t remember. Shaking his head at himself, Ed headed out of the apartment with a new determination not to drink that much again.
0-0-0-0
Kain stared up through the darkness at the ceiling above. He knew that he should go to sleep, but he couldn’t. He was tired, but also too worried to sleep. The day had brought so many visitors, mostly people that were his coworkers from before... He’d met them all before, sure, but most of them didn’t visit on a regular basis. It had only been Roy who had done so; and then, of course, Ed when he came back to Central.
He smiled a little. He liked Ed a lot. He was fun to be with and very reassuring. He was just as good of a person as Roy had said he was. His smile faded and he thought of Roy-the man who everyone but Ed called ‘the colonel’. What had happened to him? Was he alright? As he pondered this, the door opened and for a moment his room was bathed in light from the hallway, then the door closed and he heard the click of a lock.
Kain sat up, expecting to see a nurse, or even-hopefully-Ed or Roy, but it wasn’t any of those. It was a woman he’d never seen before, or at least that he didn’t remember having seen before, which didn’t mean too much. She was a pretty woman, with long, straight, chestnut-colored hair. She was wearing a business suit that was grayish-purple with a green shirt visible near her neck.
“My name is Colonel Juliet Douglas,” she said coolly. “I’m the fuhrer’s secretary. You may address me as Ms. Douglas.” Kain only had a moment to take this in before she continued. “Colonel Mustang put in a request to have you reinstated in your previous position despite the fact that your medical condition warrants your termination from the military.”
Kain swallowed hard as fear gripped his insides and squeezed tightly. This was it. They were going to kick him out and he’d have no job, and of course they’d kick him out of the dorms because he couldn’t be in the military and live there, and he’d have no way to pay for another place to live because he didn’t have any skills, or at least any that he could remember... His fearful thoughts ran together in a torrent of frightened emotions.
“However,” Ms. Douglas said, breaking into his terrified thoughts. “We have decided to grant Colonel Mustang’s request.”
Kain’s heart leapt within him. They were going to approve the request? “But... why?” he asked, unable to keep the question inside.
“Because,” the woman said with a smile that Kain wasn’t sure he trusted. “Before you lost your memory, you were a spy for the fuhrer. You kept an eye on Colonel Mustang and those close to him, and reported to me and the fuhrer. We’re keeping you on because Colonel Mustang and his staff trusts you, and we want you to continue the work you’ve been doing.”
His mouth dropped in shock. Spy... On Roy... and Ed... and all the others? He felt numb inside as he tried to comprehend it all. He would never do such a thing... would he? Kain wanted to beg her to tell him it wasn’t true. He couldn’t bear the thought that he’d spied on them. He liked them... They’d been so good to him and they’d visited him and... and...
“When you’re released from the hospital, I expect you to make an appointment with the fuhrer. You’ll need to be reeducated about the atrocities committed by the colonel and those who follow him.”
Kain opened his mouth to say something, but he wasn’t exactly sure what he would say. Slowly, he closed his mouth and nodded in numb silence. He didn’t want to believe it, but... this was the fuhrer’s secretary, and she wouldn’t have any reason to lie to him, would she? When she saw that he understood what was expected of him, the woman nodded curtly and left the room, leaving Kain even more miserable than he’d been before she’d come.
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: R - NC17
Reference: First anime. A few things and people have been pulled from the manga here and there.
Type: Angst, Divergence (splits off from episode 32), Drama, Romance, Mystery, Political, Yaoi, Het, etc.
Pairings: Roy/Ed, Al/Winry, (other minor pairings both yaoi and het)
Warnings: Language, Sex (both yaoi and het), Violence, etc.
Summary: After getting Al’s body back, Ed finds that life after reaching his goal wasn’t what he expected. As the country faces the threat of civil war, will Ed be able to handle life without Alphonse constantly by his side, or will he simply substitute one companion for another?
Chapter Listing Here
Descent
Chapter Forty-One
Honesty and Deceit
Winry stepped outside and softly closed the door behind her. It was very early, but she couldn’t sleep and she had no real desire to stay in bed. Her gaze moved over the fields of grass, the trees, the dirt road... The sun had yet to peak out over the mountains, but the sky and her surroundings were softly lit by its eminent arrival.
She breathed the morning air in deeply, then let it out as she moved to stand near the railing that surrounded the porch. The air was lukewarm, but the day would heat quickly after the sun rose. Summer in Rizembool was a beautiful thing and she loved it despite how hot it got in the middle of the day.
Memories wafted through her mind of when she was younger, of when she played in the fields and in the trees, or down by the stream... Memories of a time when her days were filled of playing with her friends, then coming home and chatting to her mother as she made dinner, or sitting on her father’s lap while he read.
Tears pricked at her eyes at the thought of her parents. She missed them so much... They’d gone away to help in the war and never returned... War had been such a far away thing to her before. It had been a thing that happened in another place to other people. War had possessed no name, no face... But after she’d learned of their deaths it had felt as if war was right outside her window, waiting to come in and get her like the imaginary monster under her bed or in her closet.
It was the same now. War was rearing its ugly head and it was just outside her window, but it wasn’t coming for her... No, it never came for her... She gazed over the peaceful scenery with a sharp pain in her chest. War was out there. It was hiding in the trees and it was stationed in Rizembool’s central township. War was wearing the sharp blue uniforms of the Amestris military, and it was wearing the plain clothes worn by those she’d met from the People’s Army. War was knocking on her door and demanding yet another sacrifice, and she loathed to give up anything else because it hurt too badly. The loneliness was just too much...
Winry sniffled a little and looked down at the heavy wood of the balustrade. She’d spent a long time crying in the shed last night. It wasn’t as if she’d wanted to get into a fight with Al. Yes, it was true that she hadn’t told him directly that she was leaving, but it was because she’d known that he would want to go with her.
She gritted her teeth in anger. Those men from the military-Archer and Kimblee-they were out to get Al. Archer wanted Al to work for him, and she wouldn’t put it past him to do something rotten to coerce him into joining them. And then there was Kimblee...
A small growling noise sounded in her throat. The way Kimblee had looked at Al, the way he’d talked to Al... it reeked of wrongness, yet Al didn’t see it! And then there was Russell. He also wanted Al to join in this war, but for the People’s Army instead. She shuddered at the thought of him.
Russell was... She couldn’t explain it exactly, but something wasn’t right about him... And, of course, Al didn’t see that either. He was too naïve, too trusting... It was one of those things she both loved and hated about him. It was cute, but not when there was trouble.
She sighed and glanced over toward the mountains. The sun would be up very soon now, yet it was hard to feel any joy over seeing the sunrise. The fight had taken a lot out of her. She didn’t want Al to get hurt just because he was trying to protect her. There was no need for him to go with her everywhere she went.
And, as much as she tried to forget, Russell’s words haunted her. She tried to tell herself that Al did trust her, that Russell was wrong. He was just trying to cause contention between them. She was sure that he was telling Al things to make him doubt her too... It made sense in a sick way. If they were fighting, then maybe Al would decide to take off and join the People’s Army. Of course, Al didn’t think that way.
They needed to talk... They needed to clear the air between them, because she couldn’t stand the thought of fighting with Al, and she couldn’t bear the thought of Al joining the war-no matter what side. She had so many fears and doubts...
Winry moved her gaze to the road that led away from the house. How many times had she stood here or at her window, gazing at that road and waiting for Al and Ed to return? How often had she wondered if they were alright? They were so close; they were like her family... How often had she felt the fear that they would never return, just like her parents...? She never wanted to have to deal with that kind of fear and loneliness again...
She lifted her head a fraction when she heard the door opening behind her, then shutting softly. Her body tensed and she forced herself to stare fixedly at the road. Until either granny or Russell came back, she and Al were the only ones there, so there was no mistaking who it was behind her.
There was silence for a few moments, then she heard Al’s boots clunk against the wooden deck as he walked over beside her. Out of the corner of her eye, Winry could see him lean against the railing. He didn’t say anything, and neither did she, but Winry could feel the tension between them. It was uncomfortable and she suddenly felt the urge to run away and not have to deal with it. Instead, she turned her head and looked at Al as he stared off down the road.
Winry took in every little feature as she studied him. His sandy-blond hair had begun to grow out just a little bit since she’d cut it, but it still looked neat and well taken care of. His lips were pulled down into a thoughtful frown, and his eyes held dark bags under them as if he hadn’t slept.
Perhaps he hadn’t...
The two of them rarely, if almost never, fought and in fact this was the first real fight they’d had since... well... since they were children. Alphonse was such a peace-loving person that Winry doubted he’d gotten any more sleep than she had.
Winry felt her eyes sting as she imagined him not being here anymore. It suddenly didn’t matter if she was right or if he was right... Who spoke up first or apologized didn’t really matter. What mattered was that they loved each other and that they took care of each other...
“Al...” Winry began with the intention of apologizing, but Al turned and quickly pressed a finger to her lips.
“Don’t say it,” he whispered, and his eyes crinkled in pain. She frowned at him, wondering what he thought she had been going to say. With a deep sigh, Al dropped his hand and closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them and saying, “I was wrong...” She shook her head and opened her mouth, but again he pressed a finger to her lips. “Don’t speak, please...” he said. “Not yet. Just... Let me speak first.”
Winry nodded reluctantly and closed her mouth. Shaking his head, Al turned his back to the railing and leaned against it. “I thought a lot about what you said last night, and... well, I... I can’t promise I won’t try to go with you all the time. I can’t promise not to worry about you or to want to protect you.”
He turned his head and stared at her in silence for a moment before going on. “I can’t imagine my life without you...” he said, his voice heavy with emotion. “If something happened to you...” He shook his head. “I’d never forgive myself. I know you’re probably going to be mad at me for saying this, but I’m not going to back down. I’d do anything if I thought it would keep you safe.”
She folded her arms under her breasts and stared down at the porch before saying, “You’re right. I don’t like it, but...” Her voice caught and she had to stop for a moment to get her emotions in check. “I do understand. I want to protect you too. I don’t want to lose anyone else...”
Tears gathered in her eyes, making the wood blur into a brown blob, and she closed her eyes, making a tear from each eye slide down her cheek. The sound of boots on wood met her ears, then a hand was touching her chin and tipping her head up.
Opening her eyes, Winry saw that Al was looking down at her in concern, and she tried to look down again as embarrassment filled her at being so weak. Instead of forcing her to keep looking up at him, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her.
“I don’t want to fight, Winry...” he breathed into her ear. “Why are we fighting? Why is it always so tense?”
She wrapped her arms around his chest and buried her head in his chest before saying bitterly, “It’s because of the military, and because of Russell...” Truthfully, she wanted to lay all the blame at Russell’s feet. She didn’t like him, and it was after he came that her and Al had become so edgy with each other. When Al didn’t say anything, Winry pulled back a little and stared up into Al’s eyes. “I don’t want him staying here anymore, Al...” Sure, he was gone now, but she knew he’d be back...
Al looked away and pulled an indecisive look. “Winry... I don’t think Russell is the problem...”
“Yes he is,” she insisted, and tried to pull away, but he held onto her. Feeling frustrated and hurt, Winry said, “I don’t feel good having him here. If you won’t tell him to leave, then I will.” If she had to, she’d talk to granny and have her tell him to leave. It was her house after all.
“Winry, you don’t understand... I know Russell is sort of a jerk sometimes, but he does have a good heart.”
She made a sound of frustration, and said, “You say that about everyone. I love you, Al, I really do, but you’re too nice. You don’t see that there could be a problem because you want to believe there is good in everyone.”
“Not everyone, but I do believe it of Russell.” Al shook his head. “He has been a little strange since he got here, but I’m guessing it’s the stress he’s under with his assignment from his superiors and having to leave Fletcher in Dublith.
“I feel for him, I really do, but...” She made a sound of frustration. “Do you care for him more than me?”
“No! Of course not!” Al exclaimed, looking hurt that she’d even suggest such a thing.
“Then please ask him to go...”
Al gave her a wounded look, but finally nodded. “Okay... When he gets back, I’ll let him know that he’ll need to find another place... But, give him a little time to make other plans at least, okay?”
“He didn’t give us any notice that he was coming,” she complained.
“Compromise with me,” Al said. “He’s my friend, and I don’t want to ask him to leave.”
She sighed. “Okay...” She supposed she could compromise with him about it. At least Russell would be gone soon, and that would mean less tension in the house, and less of a chance that he’d be able to talk Al into joining the People’s Army.
0-0-0-0
It took Ed five tries, in the space of three hours, to get out of bed. He’d sit up, groan at whatever symptom was bothering him most at the moment-be it headache, stomachache, or just plain tiredness-and lay back down to get more rest. In fact, it wasn’t until the phone rang that Ed realized just how late he’d slept in. Not that it really mattered. Weekends were meant for sleeping in.
Rolling over, Ed pawed blindly for the phone-more because the noise was giving him a headache than the fact that he wanted to answer it-and when he found the receiver, Ed brought it to his ear and mumbled, “Whthefukdouwant...”
There was a moment of silence before, “Mornin’, chief!” was bellowed into the phone. “Or would you rather me call you ‘boss’ now?”
“I’d rather you not be calling at all. It’s Sunday. What the hell do you want?” Ed snapped, and instantly regretted it as his head began to pound even worse than it had been.
Havoc chuckled. “I see you’re in your normal, pleasant mood. Well, I’ll get right to the point then. I just visited Fuery at the hospital-you know they’re releasing him soon, right? Anyway, he seemed pretty nervous and all, and I thought that, if you weren’t busy today, it would be nice if you dropped by and said ‘hi’.”
Ed glanced over to the clock. It was almost noon... Rubbing his eyes, Ed said, “Yeah, sure. I was planning on going down there anyway today.”
“Thanks, chief.” There was a small pause, then a more serious, “He told me how often you’ve been visiting him. That’s... that’s really good of you...”
“Yeah, I’m full of goodwill,” Ed said sardonically as he yawned. He wanted to say something snide, but they’d just made peace and he didn’t want to chance shaking things up right now. “Anything else?”
“Nope!” the man said, his voice returning to his previous good humor. Ed frowned in irritation. Why did Havoc get to sound like he was in such a good mood when Ed felt so shitty?
“Fine, bye,” Ed grunted, and hung the phone up so roughly that it made a loud ‘ding’ sound as the bell inside jingled. Ed lay there for several minutes, tempted to go back to sleep. Instead, he smacked his lips together and decided that he needed something to get the moisture back in his mouth. Some water or something...
After forcing himself out of bed, Ed looked down at himself as he headed toward the kitchen. Naked. Completely naked. And of course his clothes were strewn all over the apartment... He pulled a glass out of the cupboard, filled it with water, and sipped at it on his way to the bathroom. What the hell had he been thinking last night? Obviously, he hadn’t been thinking...
Never getting drunk again... Ed thought to himself as he moved to stand in front of the bathroom mirror. He moved his head close to the glass and peered closely at himself. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was messy and knotted. He groaned as he reached up and fingered his hair. It was going to be a bitch to untangle...
He leaned in even closer and turned his head slightly before saying to his reflection, “You look like shit.” He sniffled a little, then rubbed at his nose before running a hand over his cheeks. He had a bit of stubble, but it was so fine and light that it was barely noticeable. “No wonder everyone thinks you look like a kid,” Ed complained to his reflection as he set the glass of water down and leaned in a tad closer to inspect his face.
Maybe he should shave... It was something he only had to do a couple times a week, but he needed it now... Ed blanched at the thought. Once or twice a week was actually an exaggeration. It was more like once or twice a month...
“You suck, you know that right?” Ed said to his reflection, who didn’t seem at all disturbed by this insult. “You can’t even grow facial hair!” Ed looked down at Roy’s razor and can of shaving cream. He could see Roy in his mind, face lathered with cream and slowly dragging the expensive razor down his face.
“Only pansies use shaving cream and razors,” Ed remembered saying. He smiled a little as he remembered turning one of his fingers into a blade, rubbing soap on his face after wetting it a little, and quickly giving himself a shave.
“You’d use a razor and shaving cream too if you actually grew facial hair instead of that fuzz you like to pretend is hair,” Roy had countered with that damned smirk of his...
Ed blinked rapidly at the sudden sting in his eyes, then grabbed the can of shaving cream, dispensed some into his palm, then lathered his face with it. It felt strange having foam on his face, but when Ed looked back up to the mirror, all he could think of was how Roy looked like this in the mornings.
Snatching the razor, Ed pointed it at his reflection and said, “Pathetic. That’s you. Weeping and moaning over that bastard... He’s fine. He’s going to show up any day now and he’ll probably laugh at how stupid you were to believe that he could be hurt.”
Ed dragged the razor down his face, turned on the tap, and rinsed the blade before repeating the motion. After a couple of times, Ed pointed the razor at his reflection again and said, “Roy Mustang doesn’t make mistakes. You’ll see.”
His reflection looked unconvinced.
Swallowing hard, Ed continued to shave; and when he was done, he rinsed his face, patted it dry, then reached for the bottle of aftershave lotion Roy always used. If he was going to use Roy’s stuff, he might as well go all the way.
Patting the lotion on his skin, Ed suddenly breathed in quickly through his nose and he blinked his eyes again-this time at a different sting. “Holy fuck!” Ed swore as his face tingled and burned. He turned to the bottle to check the ingredients before putting it back on the counter. Fucking Mustang could have told him...
He looked back up at the mirror and touched his skin. It felt so smooth... He leaned close to the mirror to inspect himself. Much smoother than shaving with a knife and a bit of soap and water...
“No wonder he always feels so good...” Ed murmured, then closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on how smooth his skin felt under his fingers, and the smell of the aftershave. He could almost pretend he was touching Roy’s face...
Almost.
But not quite.
Ed opened his eyes and stared at himself for a moment before dropping his hand. “Like I said...” he whispered, and saw in the mirror, the moisture gathering in his eyes as he felt the sting. “Pathetic. He’s fine... I don’t miss him at all...”
A tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. He sniffled, and murmured, “And you’re a fucking bad liar...” before turning away from the mirror and hurrying back to the bedroom.
0-0-0-0
“Al!” Al snorted as he was jolted awake from his nap. “Al!” came the shout again, this time accompanied by a banging on his door. “I’m coming in.” He heard the door open, then a small, “Oh...”
“I’m awake...” he said groggily. Now... Reaching up, Al pulled his face off the open book he’d been sleeping on and sat up to see Winry standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He smiled tiredly at her to show that he wasn’t bothered at all, and said, “What’s going on?”
She looked a little sheepish, and said, “I’m really sorry I woke you. I didn’t realize...” She trailed off as he waved a hand to show that it was of no consequence. He needed to get up anyway or he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep that night.
“Well...” She stepped fully into the room, and he could see that she was holding a piece of paper. “I was just going over the list of people we were inviting to the wedding...”
Uh oh... he thought, knowing full well what was coming. “And?” he asked, showing no sign that he knew what she was about to bring up.
“And, well...” Winry looked down at the list, then up to him. “You haven’t been able to contact Ed yet, have you?”
I knew it... Al thought wearily. “Aaaah... no,” he admitted. “But,” he continued, trying to make himself look better. “From what I gathered talking to teacher, he’s in Central, so he shouldn’t be too hard to find.”
Winry stared at him silently for a moment, then walked over to the bed, and sat down beside him. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Al...” she began softly. “I really don’t understand why you haven’t tried to find him yet. It’s been months.” She turned her head to look at him and repeated with a little force, “Months!”
He couldn’t meet her eyes. She was right, but... “Why do you want him at the wedding so much?” he asked and glanced at her long enough to see a shocked and incredulous look on her face before looking away.
“Are you serious?!” Winry said in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that! Ed is my friend, and he’s your brother. Those reasons alone are enough to want him there. Besides, if it gets you two back together then that’s even more important! I don’t like to see how distant you are when it comes to him. I want to see you guys laughing and joking and...” her voice faltered, and he turned his head back to look at her.
“Winry...” Al said and rested his hand on her leg.
She turned her head to look up into his eyes and said, “Why don’t you want him there?” He opened his mouth and closed it again before shrugging a little. “Oh, no...” Winry pressed. “You tell me, Alphonse. I don’t want to be put off anymore. You keep giving me excuse after excuse, but they’re not the real reasons, are they?” Her eyes held hurt in them and she pleaded, “Please... tell me the real reason.”
Al opened his mouth again, closed it, swallowed, then looked away. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell her that he was afraid that she still loved Ed, couldn’t tell her that he was afraid that she’d change her mind at the last second and want to be with him instead.
He looked down in his lap and murmured, “I guess I’m just afraid that we’ll get into another fight.” It was half truth, but not the ‘real reason’. “What if we get into a fight and ruin the day for you?” he said, hoping she’d take that excuse and not dig deeper.
“Oh... Al...” Winry murmured and laid her hand on his. “That’s really thoughtful, but I’m sure it will be fine. I think Ed has had plenty of time to cool down. I bet...” She trailed off and there was silence for a moment before she continued. “I bet he’s as nervous as you are. I bet he thinks you hate him and don’t want to see him,” she said, her voice seeming more confident. “I think you should find him and make peace with him.”
He looked down at his hands. Maybe she was right... Maybe. He glanced up at her and felt guilt rise up within him at not telling her the whole truth. What would she say if he told her his fears? Would she think he didn’t trust her? Would she be mad at him?
Al looked back down at his hands and gripped the hem of his shirt. If she really knew him, would she still want to marry him? Maybe she was just in love with who she thought he was... Or maybe... He gripped the shirt tighter. Maybe, she was simply setting for him because she didn’t think she could have Ed...
The thought caused a sharp pain in his chest and he felt bile rise up in his throat. “Winry?” he choked out. He wanted to look up at her, but he couldn’t... “Do you... Do you love me?” he asked. “I mean, really? Are you sure you want to marry me?”
When there was no immediate answer, he looked up to see a horrified look on her face. “Of course!” she breathed. “I... How can you even doubt it-doubt me?”
Relief and a new wave of guilt washed through him and he said, “I don’t doubt you... I guess I just wanted to be sure...” It sounded lame, even to himself, and he felt the need to mutter an apology before saying, “I’ll find him... but... I’m worried about leaving you here by yourself...”
“Don’t be,” she said. “I’ll probably be safer while you’re gone since it’s you that Archer and Kimblee want, not me. You just be careful in Central, okay?”
He nodded. “I will.” A thought occurred to him. “I’ll take Russell with me.” It would make a great excuse to get his friend out of Rizembool without having to directly tell him he wasn’t wanted there anymore.
Unfortunately, this did not produce the response that he’d been expecting. Winry didn’t look too pleased. “I don’t think you should travel with him,” she said flatly.
“I thought you wanted him out of the house,” he countered, feeling a little exasperated.
“I do, but I don’t want him going with you.” Her tone was stubborn and he grumbled to himself before answering her.
“You can’t have things both ways. This will get him away from here; and I am not worried about him.”
She stood up and frowned at him stubbornly before grudgingly saying, “Fine... I still don’t like it, but if it will get you to go find Ed and if he’s not here...” She paused for a moment, then said, “When will you leave? How long do you think it will take?”
Good questions... Al laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Well, I guess that depends on when Russell gets back. I doubt he’s going to be gone too long. Hmmm... Maybe we’ll leave in a couple of weeks, no later than that, and I’ll bet if I go directly to Central Headquarters, I’ll be able to find out where Ed is as long as he hasn’t left the military yet...”
He glanced at her and saw a worried look on her face. “I doubt we’ll be gone longer than a week or two.” When her demeanor didn’t change, Al asked, “Do you want to come?”
She seemed to consider this, then shook her head. “Probably better if you go alone. You know, so that you and Ed can have some time by yourselves... Which means, you should dump Russell along the way,” she added tersely.
Al laughed. “Admit it, you just don’t want to travel with him.”
Winry gave him a small smile and started toward the door. When she reached it, she looked back at him and said, “Maaaaaybe,” before slipping out of the room.
He chuckled a little more, then closed his eyes. He still felt a little worried and a tad jealous of Ed, but he couldn’t avoid this forever. Winry was right. He and Ed needed to make peace. This had gone on for far too long, and truthfully... Al missed him. With a sigh, Al opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. It was Ed’s birthday tomorrow... He’d be eighteen... If he was in Central, Gracia Hughes probably knew how to contact him. If he knew her-and he did-she’d probably be sure to make Ed a cake or something. That’s just the way she was.
Maybe he should call her. He’d stopped calling around after he’d talked with Colonel Mustang. He’d felt so hurt that he’d been lied to because he couldn’t help but wonder if Ed was behind the lie. Al supposed he shouldn’t be so shocked that the colonel would lie to him because, well... this was Colonel Mustang, and as much as he respected the man, he hadn’t always been completely truthful to him and Ed over the years. He was shady sometimes; but still, Al didn’t like the lie.
He’d felt that if Ed had asked the colonel to lie for him, then he’d probably asked others too. And if he went that far, then he must not have wanted to be found. Al didn’t know if Gracia would lie to him on Ed’s request or not, but he supposed that it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try. And besides, it had been a few months. Winry was probably right. Things had calmed down and Ed probably was just too proud to admit he was wrong.
Al yawned and closed his eyes. He was still groggy from his nap, and tired from a night of no sleep. Maybe he’d call sometime tonight, or even tomorrow morning. Maybe tomorrow. Then he could wish Elysia a happy birthday too.
0-0-0-0
Ed sat the chess set on the concrete step as he sat down on the stairs at the back of the hospital. His visit with Kain Fuery had gone rather well. Like always, they’d played chess and talked. It seemed like Fuery got better with the game each time he went to visit, and Ed wondered if it was some memory coming back.
He shrugged and fished in his pocket for his pack of smokes. Fuery was very nervous though, Havoc had been right. The poor man was terrified of going back out into a world he didn’t remember. He was scared to go back to work because he couldn’t remember all that he was supposed to do. Ed had promised that he’d help, and he was sure everyone else would too. No one wanted Fuery to be out of a job-he was one of them-and they were going to take care of him. That had seemed to make Fuery feel a little better, but Ed wasn’t sure how much it had really helped.
Pulling the pack from his pocket, Ed looked at it in disbelief for a moment before he threw it on the ground and cursed. Empty again... How the fucking hell had that happened? He tried to think back on how many he’d smoked today, but he couldn’t remember.
“Fuck...” he growled in frustration and rested his head in his hands. He needed a fucking smoke and he was out. Seriously, he needed to keep track of these things and get more before he ran out...
The sound of footsteps on the concrete caught his attention as they moved closer to him, and when they stopped, Ed glanced up to see a cigarette held in front of his face. Looking past it, Ed saw the face of the doctor who had treated his eye the day Havoc had punched him.
“You going to take it or what?” the ragged-looking doctor asked.
Ed reached up, relieved him of the cigarette, and murmured, “Thanks...” before lighting up and inhaling. His eyes widened and he started hacking. “What the fucking hell is this?!” Ed exclaimed through coughs. This was worse than the first time he’d had one of Havoc’s cigarettes.
“It’s a real cigarette,” the doctor said, and Ed stared hard at it before realizing there was no filter on the damn thing. He shuddered a little and took another drag, bracing himself for the raw assault on his throat and lungs.
The doctor-Knox, Ed recalled-took a seat beside him on the step and lit up one for himself. After a couple moments of silence, besides Ed’s coughing, Knox said, “You been taking care of that eye?”
“Yeah,” Ed choked out. He was definitely getting the fix he needed, but Ed didn’t think it was worth the price he was paying.
Knox eyed him up and down. “You didn’t go get yourself hurt again, did you?” Instead of answering verbally, Ed shook his head. “Good. Why are you at the hospital if you’re not hurt?” The man’s voice was gruff, but Ed could also detect some note of parental concern there as well. At least, it was the same tone his mother would get sometimes. He’d also gotten the same tone from Hughes here and there when he was younger...
“Visiting a friend,” he said, then took another drag before coughing again. Knox nodded, and took a drag off his own cigarette as if it were no big deal. “What about you?” Ed asked.
“I work here; in the morgue.”
Ed nodded as he remembered something about that from before. Finishing the cigarette, Ed flicked it away and stared dully down at the ground for a moment, then sat up straight when a thought occurred to him.
“You work in the morgue?” Ed asked, suddenly much more interested.
“That’s what I said, wasn’t it?” Knox grunted.
“Are there any other morgues in Central?”
“No. There used to be, but when Fuhrer Bradley came to power, he wanted all the dead in one place. Stupid thing, if you ask me,” Knox said as he flicked his own cigarette away.
Ed’s heart pounded in his chest and he felt nervous excitement bubble up inside of him. “Do you know about the shooting that happened at headquarters?” Ed asked, knowing full well that anyone who didn’t know had probably been outside the city or living under a rock.
“Of course,” Knox said, taking on a guarded look. Ed opened his mouth, but no words came out. He wasn’t sure how to ask what he wanted to ask. Should he say it right out, or should he try to beat around the bush? He wasn’t very good at the latter, and the former might cause him more problems than anything else... The decision was taken from him when Knox said dryly, “You want to know if Colonel Mustang is down in my office?”
“Uuuuhh...” was all Ed could manage, amazed that the doctor had practically read his mind.
“You’re not the only one who’s asked me that question. The press, nosey military people... I’ve gotten all kinds, and I’ll tell you what I told them; it’s classified.”
Ed deflated at that and murmured, “Oh...” Of course... It would make sense that he couldn’t tell...
Knox eyed him again, then said, “Most people’s motives are easy to figure out, but I have no idea why you want to know.” He looked at Ed expectantly.
Ed cast his mind about trying to come up with a good reason. Telling the man they were lovers would probably-most definitely-be a bad idea, and the fact that Roy was his commanding officer didn’t really seem that important of a reason. Finally Ed settled on, “We’re roommates...”
When Knox didn’t say anything, Ed said quickly, “And friends. He’s my friend, and I was out of town when it happened, and I’m just worried...” He choked on the last word and turned his head away. Would a roommate or a friend get teary about this sort of thing? Was he being too suspicious?
“Sorry...” Ed murmured, pulling himself together. “It’s just that no one can tell me anything, and I’m worried...”
Knox seemed to mull over this before saying, “He’s your commanding officer too, isn’t he?”
“Ah, yeah,” Ed said, surprised that he knew.
Knox nodded and gave him a considering look. “I’ve known Roy Mustang for quite a long time; knew him in Ishbal too. Good man, odd tastes...” Knox looked at Ed through narrowed eyes for a moment before saying, “How long have you two been living together?”
“A few months...” Ed said quietly. What did ‘odd tastes’ mean? Did Knox know something was going on between him and Roy? Would he tell others? He suddenly felt a little panicked and tried to figure out how he could fix the situation.
“A record for him... Well, whatever, not my business.” Knox looked around, then said, in a low voice, “I haven’t seen him, and if you ask me, he’s not dead. There’s always the possibility they dumped his body somewhere, but I doubt it. Mustang is too well known, and it’s common knowledge that the medics rushed off with him after the shooting, so if he’s dead, they’ll have to have a body to produce. I also doubt they’re going to be able to keep this from the public much longer. Either he’s dead or he’s not, and the longer they wait, the more suspicious it becomes.”
Ed stared at him in silence. He didn’t dare to believe that Knox could be right. “So, you think he’s alive?” He wanted to hear it again. He needed to hear it again.
Knox nodded. “If he was dead, I think we’d already know it. The window of opportunity has passed for his enemies. I think we’ll find out soon, so don’t let it worry you anymore.” Knox scowled, and said irritably, “And don’t you tell anyone what I told you.”
“I won’t,” Ed said, a smile growing on his face. He felt relief wash over him. Up until this moment, he’d had nothing solid to hold on to. Now, he really could hope that Roy was alive. He wouldn’t hope too much because it would be all that much worse if it didn’t end up being true, but it was something.
Knox stood and said, “Well, I’ve got to get back to work.” He stared silently at Ed for a moment, then said, “Take care of yourself, alright?”
Ed nodded. “I will, and... thanks...” The last was added in a soft tone. Knox waved it off, gave him one last studied stare, and began walking away.
After he was about two paces away, Knox called back, “And quit smoking. It’s bad for your health.”
At that, Ed laughed out loud. He supposed if anyone else had told him that, he would have gotten irritated, but from a man who smoked cigarettes that Ed would only touch when he was desperate...
“I’ll think about it,” Ed said in good humor. He’d actually already thought about it. He’d planned to quit when he came back to Central, but it just hadn’t been the right time; too much going on.
Ed watched Doctor Knox go, then stood up, picked up the chess set, and headed toward home. His mind was filled with hopes and dreams that he almost felt were possible now. Roy wasn’t in the morgue, and Doctor Knox thought that he was alive. It was the best news he’d heard in a while and he let himself hope, just a little, that it was true.
He turned the corner that would take him straight to the apartment and saw Havoc walking down the sidewalk toward him. The man was barely lighting up a cigarette and when he looked up, he saw Ed and waved.
Ed half waved, half made a ‘give me’ gesture. “Loan me one,” he said when he was close enough. Shrugging, Havoc stopped, pulled one out, and handed it to Ed who promptly lit up. After taking a drag, Ed said, “What are you doing around here?”
“Heading toward a friend’s place,” he said nonchalantly, then waved and started walking again.
Ed turned a little to glance at him as he passed, then shrugged and walked the last little stretch toward the apartment. Finishing the cigarette, Ed decided that he’d drop off the game, then head to the store to pick up another pack and maybe some food.
He unlocked the door and let himself in, then headed back to the bedroom to drop the game onto the bed. He turned to go, then stopped and frowned at Roy’s desk. One of the drawers was slightly open.
Odd...
Ed never got into Roy’s desk, and he was pretty sure that all the drawers had been completely closed before...
He walked over and slid the drawer open. It was filled with a mess of papers. He tapped his fingers on the wood, then shrugged and shut the drawer. Maybe he somehow nudged it when he’d been drunk last night, or maybe he’d even opened it and now didn’t remember. Shaking his head at himself, Ed headed out of the apartment with a new determination not to drink that much again.
0-0-0-0
Kain stared up through the darkness at the ceiling above. He knew that he should go to sleep, but he couldn’t. He was tired, but also too worried to sleep. The day had brought so many visitors, mostly people that were his coworkers from before... He’d met them all before, sure, but most of them didn’t visit on a regular basis. It had only been Roy who had done so; and then, of course, Ed when he came back to Central.
He smiled a little. He liked Ed a lot. He was fun to be with and very reassuring. He was just as good of a person as Roy had said he was. His smile faded and he thought of Roy-the man who everyone but Ed called ‘the colonel’. What had happened to him? Was he alright? As he pondered this, the door opened and for a moment his room was bathed in light from the hallway, then the door closed and he heard the click of a lock.
Kain sat up, expecting to see a nurse, or even-hopefully-Ed or Roy, but it wasn’t any of those. It was a woman he’d never seen before, or at least that he didn’t remember having seen before, which didn’t mean too much. She was a pretty woman, with long, straight, chestnut-colored hair. She was wearing a business suit that was grayish-purple with a green shirt visible near her neck.
“My name is Colonel Juliet Douglas,” she said coolly. “I’m the fuhrer’s secretary. You may address me as Ms. Douglas.” Kain only had a moment to take this in before she continued. “Colonel Mustang put in a request to have you reinstated in your previous position despite the fact that your medical condition warrants your termination from the military.”
Kain swallowed hard as fear gripped his insides and squeezed tightly. This was it. They were going to kick him out and he’d have no job, and of course they’d kick him out of the dorms because he couldn’t be in the military and live there, and he’d have no way to pay for another place to live because he didn’t have any skills, or at least any that he could remember... His fearful thoughts ran together in a torrent of frightened emotions.
“However,” Ms. Douglas said, breaking into his terrified thoughts. “We have decided to grant Colonel Mustang’s request.”
Kain’s heart leapt within him. They were going to approve the request? “But... why?” he asked, unable to keep the question inside.
“Because,” the woman said with a smile that Kain wasn’t sure he trusted. “Before you lost your memory, you were a spy for the fuhrer. You kept an eye on Colonel Mustang and those close to him, and reported to me and the fuhrer. We’re keeping you on because Colonel Mustang and his staff trusts you, and we want you to continue the work you’ve been doing.”
His mouth dropped in shock. Spy... On Roy... and Ed... and all the others? He felt numb inside as he tried to comprehend it all. He would never do such a thing... would he? Kain wanted to beg her to tell him it wasn’t true. He couldn’t bear the thought that he’d spied on them. He liked them... They’d been so good to him and they’d visited him and... and...
“When you’re released from the hospital, I expect you to make an appointment with the fuhrer. You’ll need to be reeducated about the atrocities committed by the colonel and those who follow him.”
Kain opened his mouth to say something, but he wasn’t exactly sure what he would say. Slowly, he closed his mouth and nodded in numb silence. He didn’t want to believe it, but... this was the fuhrer’s secretary, and she wouldn’t have any reason to lie to him, would she? When she saw that he understood what was expected of him, the woman nodded curtly and left the room, leaving Kain even more miserable than he’d been before she’d come.