(no subject)
after taking a hiatus from lj i remembered it still existed and i don't really have the patience to write anything in my real journal today. this week has been really heavy, really difficult.
i was admitted into the hospital on Thursday, numbness in my left side - my hand, foot and face. only the left side. typing is a little dicey, considering i used to be able to spew out my thoughts as fast as possible before my left hand is actin up and not hitting all the right keys these days.
i'm undiagnosed so far, but the neurology team seems to think that i have MS. yeah, me. 22 years old, the girl who is quick to run circles around you just to prove that i can, quick to beast couches and tvs here and there, now i am unsure when walking up stairs. it's a radically fast change and it's making me think about ALOT of the things that i've been able to do.
i hope that it's not MS and that i will be able to continue with my life and not have something like that dominate my day-to-day. i feel like i should be able to shake it. it's not weakness, it's just numbness. it's stupid, superficial, if there weren't lesions on my brain i wouldn't have believed them at all.
perhaps its all just a bad dream.
it's too much information with no real answer to the question "what is wrong with me?" it could be this, or that, or lupus, or this kind of MS or that kind. it could be NOTHING! nothing! nothing? how can nothing be wrong with me when i can't seem to feel things on the left side?! i don't understand.
i have been lucky thus far -
whoever was looking over me,
please still be there.