Aquaman, oh Aquaman... movie review
Aquaman, after all the ways your movie could've been fraught, you didn't avoid ANY OF THEM except for casting a gorgeous hunk of raw sexuality for the lead (instead of Patrick Wilson, who, with bleached yellow hair, looks like the corny orignal version of Aquaman). Jason Momoa is SUCH a charismatic presence he takes your breath away in everything he's in. He just sucks up all the attention. And, despite a huge budget for special effects and art direction, Momoa did just that in this movie. He almost saved it on his brawny shoulders!
The world doesn't need my review. This movie has already made buckets of millions of dollars and more worldwide. Plus, famous movie reviewers have said the same thing I'm saying, which is: such a poor story! Such drivel for dialog! And to which I'm adding: OMG, why were the wigs so awful? I'm guessing that orange red hair matched some comic book color? You didn't make Aquaman match the comic books! Because the fake of the color and the fake of the hair, for both Mera and her dad King Nereus, plus the awful long tangled wig of Nicole Kidman as Atlanna = rotten believability. Here, without deep spoilers, are some of the things a viewer puts up with in this movie:
The world doesn't need my review. This movie has already made buckets of millions of dollars and more worldwide. Plus, famous movie reviewers have said the same thing I'm saying, which is: such a poor story! Such drivel for dialog! And to which I'm adding: OMG, why were the wigs so awful? I'm guessing that orange red hair matched some comic book color? You didn't make Aquaman match the comic books! Because the fake of the color and the fake of the hair, for both Mera and her dad King Nereus, plus the awful long tangled wig of Nicole Kidman as Atlanna = rotten believability. Here, without deep spoilers, are some of the things a viewer puts up with in this movie:
- Boy is born of human and Atlantean. Boy learns about his gifts as he grows. There's obviously never a question that he'll use his magical powers to protect against evil. He is lamely enticed to use his mom's royal blood to make a bid for underwater political power. This is mostly whiny stuff, and you just have to roll your eyes.
- Amber Heard plays the 2nd most prominent character (Princess Mera). She is so stiff and awful (but, to be fair, she loosens up toward the end) that, with her fright wig, she is performing at a high school level.
- When Jason Momoa starts doing quips, he throws his hair back, bulges his pects, raises one eyebrow, and the camera comes in close. The quips are idiotic. And they play a "Wayne's World" like bass guitar riff when he says them. So silly, but it's to delight the boys.
- The many battles and attacks get confusing. There are multiple ?species? underwater. All the humanoids look the same, wear the same kind of gear. Well, except for the quick scene with the half-people/half-tuna ones. But some people (Momoa, Mera) can just walk from air to water; others have to have water-filled scuba gear. They screw up the whole protagonist/antagonist issue too. Who's fighting whom? Who gets aligned with lobster people? With big talking crab people? When is a creature sentient to be parlayed with, and when are they dumb animals yoked to the power of Aquaman to fight for him??
- Why are good actors like Willem Dafoe, Nicole Kidman and Dolph Lundgren (he's actually a genius who's also extremely fit IRL) in this? They would've had to read the script and seen the dialog? "It is no use to cry. The sea will only drink your tears."