what F$#&king bridge am I crossing now..?!
I have a jumble of thoughts brewing in my head that its come to a boiling point. I'm plagued with an aching migraine now, and my temples just won't stop throbbing. I place partial blame on the blaring lights reflecting off the computer screen at work, and the rest on over-thinking. I've been stuck on a problem of mine for quite some time now, building an inner war around whether I should fix the mess I've made or not. Judging from the second person's reaction - I think it's appropriate to say that they're officially pissed off at me from all corners of the universe. And while my initial reaction is to defend myself, I first have to figure out the root of which this problem stemmed from. My vastly known tactlessness did play a decent role. I suppose being solution-oriented would help, but at that option for the moment seems temporarily unavailable. Lucky me, eh? I know I'll find myself an answer one way or another, whether the results come from the remaining goodness of her heart - or a fucking boot print on the middle of my email. Whatever it may be, I suppose the miniscule amount of attention I've been paying has taken another part in my dismissive behavior these days. Simply put: I'm exhausted, and I hardly have energy left to myself. It's been one of those months where curling up in bed and hiding away from the world becomes a beautiful escape. Is it possible? Ha. Highly unlikely. Just a reminder to myself, I'm not eating anyone else's bullshit unless it's made out of rainbows and butterflies.
In other "current" news, my work place has a special power ranger skill of fucking me over. I try to explain one thing and like clockwork - words get twisted up and mentally re-arranged in a matter of five seconds, which leaves me staring at the bottom end of my boss' crap tunnel. I want to say that I don't care, but I get so fucking steamed up about it that if blood could burn then mine would be acid. Pure acid. I tell myself to brush it off but it isn't easy. Then for a second time, I tell myself that it could be worse... to which I, again, answer myself: just wait.
Looking back on my years in highschool, I had promised myself at the end of senior year not to worry and live without regret. I curse and redicule that thought now, and everyone else whose ever uttered such ignorant nonsense. There will always be a time during the course of our life that we regret. Whether it be an action we've committed against ourselves or someone else, a failed relationship, not meeting up to expectations, ect... Because of these short-comings which bring the source of our regret mold and turn us into who we are. Weak or strong, or even somewhere in between the boundaries. We learn from them, of course, just some people take a few of the same tests over again just because we need to. It's our moments that we are the least proud of that builds character. Those shitty specs in our lifetime help paint the whole fucking picture for whatever it's worth - but guess who the painter is? ... Let me say this once, I'm no artist and that's definitely showing so far. But I do appreciate and cherish the moments that come out of the blue every once in awhile. And I don't know where this post is going, aside that it's become one helluva dragged out rant, but I suppose it's yet another reminder to just keep going. Even though it feels like I'm already struggling with the solid slab of mountain faced infront of me, then I better be more prepared for the ones in the future. At this point, I do expect to face worse - and maybe even the good stuff if I'm lucky enough.
For now, all I know is that I can take whatever comes my way.
'Cept for Psychology class. That's just a bitch in heat waiting to roll over on some poor mutha'ucka o____O
In other "current" news, my work place has a special power ranger skill of fucking me over. I try to explain one thing and like clockwork - words get twisted up and mentally re-arranged in a matter of five seconds, which leaves me staring at the bottom end of my boss' crap tunnel. I want to say that I don't care, but I get so fucking steamed up about it that if blood could burn then mine would be acid. Pure acid. I tell myself to brush it off but it isn't easy. Then for a second time, I tell myself that it could be worse... to which I, again, answer myself: just wait.
Looking back on my years in highschool, I had promised myself at the end of senior year not to worry and live without regret. I curse and redicule that thought now, and everyone else whose ever uttered such ignorant nonsense. There will always be a time during the course of our life that we regret. Whether it be an action we've committed against ourselves or someone else, a failed relationship, not meeting up to expectations, ect... Because of these short-comings which bring the source of our regret mold and turn us into who we are. Weak or strong, or even somewhere in between the boundaries. We learn from them, of course, just some people take a few of the same tests over again just because we need to. It's our moments that we are the least proud of that builds character. Those shitty specs in our lifetime help paint the whole fucking picture for whatever it's worth - but guess who the painter is? ... Let me say this once, I'm no artist and that's definitely showing so far. But I do appreciate and cherish the moments that come out of the blue every once in awhile. And I don't know where this post is going, aside that it's become one helluva dragged out rant, but I suppose it's yet another reminder to just keep going. Even though it feels like I'm already struggling with the solid slab of mountain faced infront of me, then I better be more prepared for the ones in the future. At this point, I do expect to face worse - and maybe even the good stuff if I'm lucky enough.
For now, all I know is that I can take whatever comes my way.
'Cept for Psychology class. That's just a bitch in heat waiting to roll over on some poor mutha'ucka o____O