(no subject)
Dearest friends,
Are good relationships supposed to be tough? Does this mean I'm still not ready? Should I be this scared about money and about handling full time school and full time work?
For the first time in five years, instead of picking up a beer or smoking weed when I get upset, all I want to do is go into my studio, prop up my mirror, and dance until the sun comes up.
As much as I'm hurting right now, I feel so hopeful and good inside because of that.
I know I'll never really be "okay" and nothing will ever be "easy" like it is for some people. i know that life's simplicities will always be a little bit harder for me to handle but I think I may be okay with that.
Even if my love doesn't follow through, even if I flunk out this semester, even if I get fired from my job, even if i declare bankruptcy...
Love,
Clueless and Scared
p.s. kaishiro if you are reading this... im sorry i dont have time for you. im sorry that i flaked on our most recent attempt to link up. you don't have to understand or forgive me or anything. its unfair of me to expect anything of you. all that i expect is that you'll always know that you are and will always be in my heart in the most precious of ways. i miss you more than i will ever allow myself to show you.
i hope 31 treats you a little easier, my angel in disguise.
i hope we make eye contact soon.
Are good relationships supposed to be tough? Does this mean I'm still not ready? Should I be this scared about money and about handling full time school and full time work?
For the first time in five years, instead of picking up a beer or smoking weed when I get upset, all I want to do is go into my studio, prop up my mirror, and dance until the sun comes up.
As much as I'm hurting right now, I feel so hopeful and good inside because of that.
I know I'll never really be "okay" and nothing will ever be "easy" like it is for some people. i know that life's simplicities will always be a little bit harder for me to handle but I think I may be okay with that.
Even if my love doesn't follow through, even if I flunk out this semester, even if I get fired from my job, even if i declare bankruptcy...
Love,
Clueless and Scared
p.s. kaishiro if you are reading this... im sorry i dont have time for you. im sorry that i flaked on our most recent attempt to link up. you don't have to understand or forgive me or anything. its unfair of me to expect anything of you. all that i expect is that you'll always know that you are and will always be in my heart in the most precious of ways. i miss you more than i will ever allow myself to show you.
i hope 31 treats you a little easier, my angel in disguise.
i hope we make eye contact soon.