T-21 days to end of 1L
I am almost done with my first year of law school. I don't want to jinx it, but -- guys, I've (almost) made it!! I know that 2L is also insane, but if it's like this semester, I know I can handle it.
So, I thought it was time for a recap. Of the whole year. Hoooo boy.
First semester
This was a really rough semester. I had a lot of trouble making friends because of something things that had happened in August, and the work was just so overwhelming. I found it all interesting at first (except Civil Procedure), but as the semester wore on, I got worn down. I had to work harder than ever before in my life -- I was in a constant state of panic. When I was in class, I was tense because I thought I might get called on and look like a fool. When I was out of class, I spent literally every waking hour preparing for class, so I wouldn't look like a fool. After a while, I came to care much less if I did look like a fool -- no one ever remembers your cold calls except yourself, after all -- but by then, it was time to start studying for finals. I outlined for hours. I made flash cards. I met with my study group, and often left feeling like I knew less than before. When finals came, they weren't so different from other exams I had taken. I didn't do as well as I would have liked overall, but I got through them.
Second semester
I was so exhausted and disappointed after the first semester, that I seriously (though briefly) considered dropping out over winter break. Luckily, my pride didn't let that happen, and I came back to Philadelphia. As most of you know, I began this semester with a 3-day hospitalization for a pulmonary embolism, and I missed the whole first week of this semester. Not an ideal beginning. The first week or two back in class were really hard. I felt like I had PTSD. I was so overwhelmed, and after having my mom up here taking care of me, I was forcibly reminded of how lonely I am without friends here. I wasn't thrilled with my grades, and really felt like I had put myself through hell last semester for not a whole lot. On the other hand, I got a few Bs and the world didn't end. I spent fewer hours in class because of a scheduling change, and I relaxed for the first time since July. I made time to do things I wanted to do, even if it meant missing some classes. There was no cold calling in two of my classes. I was more interested in criminal and constitutional law than any of my classes from the first semester. I got a spot on the spring break trip to Jordan; I had to fight like hell to be able to go, but I went. I was awarded a fellowship to go to Uganda this summer. I went to a conference at another law school. I went to professors' office hours. I did really interesting pro bono work. I got a board position for next year on one of those groups. I got on the journal I wanted.
All along, I've continued to deal with the pulmonary embolism. I can't really drink. I have my blood checked every two weeks, max -- more like once a week. I can't eat sushi, and I had to wear compression socks on the flights to and from Jordan. But it hasn't been that bad, really. Everyone at the Penn anticoagulation clinic is wonderful, and they've helped me figure out a way to do everything I want to do -- specifically, Jordan and Uganda.
I'm heading into my second finals "season" as a law student, and I feel like a law student. I've learned so much that I didn't even know I didn't know. Not necessarily substantive law... I've basically purged everything I learned from last semester, except the big things. But I know what they mean now, when they say they're going to teach us to "think like lawyers." I feel like I'm part of a community of other law-inclined folks. I still don't have any close friends here, but it's getting better, and I don't mind it as much. It's true what everyone told me last semester: it gets better.
In other news, today is the 99th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. I was obsessed with the story of the Titanic when I was a kid -- even before the movie came out (which deepened the obsession). I remember so distinctly wanting to go back in history and change things so badly. It was the first injustice I really learned about, other than the Holocaust. I was so incensed that they let those lifeboats leave half-empty, instead of saving the poor or the men. I couldn't fathom how class or gender distinctions could possibly be more important than human life. Many of you know that that sense of righteous indignation about things I can't change has followed me into my adult life. I guess Titanic was the beginning of it all.
So, I thought it was time for a recap. Of the whole year. Hoooo boy.
First semester
This was a really rough semester. I had a lot of trouble making friends because of something things that had happened in August, and the work was just so overwhelming. I found it all interesting at first (except Civil Procedure), but as the semester wore on, I got worn down. I had to work harder than ever before in my life -- I was in a constant state of panic. When I was in class, I was tense because I thought I might get called on and look like a fool. When I was out of class, I spent literally every waking hour preparing for class, so I wouldn't look like a fool. After a while, I came to care much less if I did look like a fool -- no one ever remembers your cold calls except yourself, after all -- but by then, it was time to start studying for finals. I outlined for hours. I made flash cards. I met with my study group, and often left feeling like I knew less than before. When finals came, they weren't so different from other exams I had taken. I didn't do as well as I would have liked overall, but I got through them.
Second semester
I was so exhausted and disappointed after the first semester, that I seriously (though briefly) considered dropping out over winter break. Luckily, my pride didn't let that happen, and I came back to Philadelphia. As most of you know, I began this semester with a 3-day hospitalization for a pulmonary embolism, and I missed the whole first week of this semester. Not an ideal beginning. The first week or two back in class were really hard. I felt like I had PTSD. I was so overwhelmed, and after having my mom up here taking care of me, I was forcibly reminded of how lonely I am without friends here. I wasn't thrilled with my grades, and really felt like I had put myself through hell last semester for not a whole lot. On the other hand, I got a few Bs and the world didn't end. I spent fewer hours in class because of a scheduling change, and I relaxed for the first time since July. I made time to do things I wanted to do, even if it meant missing some classes. There was no cold calling in two of my classes. I was more interested in criminal and constitutional law than any of my classes from the first semester. I got a spot on the spring break trip to Jordan; I had to fight like hell to be able to go, but I went. I was awarded a fellowship to go to Uganda this summer. I went to a conference at another law school. I went to professors' office hours. I did really interesting pro bono work. I got a board position for next year on one of those groups. I got on the journal I wanted.
All along, I've continued to deal with the pulmonary embolism. I can't really drink. I have my blood checked every two weeks, max -- more like once a week. I can't eat sushi, and I had to wear compression socks on the flights to and from Jordan. But it hasn't been that bad, really. Everyone at the Penn anticoagulation clinic is wonderful, and they've helped me figure out a way to do everything I want to do -- specifically, Jordan and Uganda.
I'm heading into my second finals "season" as a law student, and I feel like a law student. I've learned so much that I didn't even know I didn't know. Not necessarily substantive law... I've basically purged everything I learned from last semester, except the big things. But I know what they mean now, when they say they're going to teach us to "think like lawyers." I feel like I'm part of a community of other law-inclined folks. I still don't have any close friends here, but it's getting better, and I don't mind it as much. It's true what everyone told me last semester: it gets better.
In other news, today is the 99th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. I was obsessed with the story of the Titanic when I was a kid -- even before the movie came out (which deepened the obsession). I remember so distinctly wanting to go back in history and change things so badly. It was the first injustice I really learned about, other than the Holocaust. I was so incensed that they let those lifeboats leave half-empty, instead of saving the poor or the men. I couldn't fathom how class or gender distinctions could possibly be more important than human life. Many of you know that that sense of righteous indignation about things I can't change has followed me into my adult life. I guess Titanic was the beginning of it all.