Not a crisis of faith exactly
But certainly a crisis of something. Dating Jesus has had the unexpected consequence of making me question how I can juggle being both a feminist and a good Catholic. Or even just a good Christian; the entire faith, "God the Father" on down, is undeniably patriarchal and not terribly open to women in the same way that it is to men. I really have embraced feminism within the past year or so - in the same time span as I've most embraced Catholicism, but that didn't used to pose such a problem.
I'm not self-describing as feminist because I feel like the gender at large needs a boost really (even though sometimes I feel like it does); I'm calling myself a feminist because I personally have become so fucking strong and confident and capable, and for women to want to interact within society in such a way has been labeled feminism. I really just want to live the way I choose to live, without the baggage of gender expectations. Reasonable, yeah?
But with the Catholic church comes a shit-ton of gender expectations, and women's are...underwhelming. Very traditional, very domestic, and even the places where we are allowed to serve (extraordinary ministers or teaching classes and so on), I sort of resent because I feel like it's something that "they're" letting us do. Screw that
And an even bigger concern than the Church is God...Himself. See? Tonight I came home and sat down and tried to conceptualize a God who was adequately female as well as male. Or really, who transcended gender because God is so great and so other, but I'm not sure I'm conceptually ready yet to move beyond personification which necessitates some label of gender. Jesus is most definitely male, at least, and nobody pays any attention to the Holy Spirit really (Sorry HS). One would think, with all the...diversity that the Trinity allows, there would be a tiny bit of space for some feminine presence. But nobody ever talks about the Trinity in any sort of feminine terms
My church still makes me happy, I still feel at peace and connected to God through my faith. So I think that's what I have to look to. I made up my mind when I was...discerning Catholicism, that I wasn't joining for their positions on social issues and therefore don't feel too bad for disregarding most of them. So it'll have to be the same way for feminism. I'm going to draw strength from the Mass and from the Eucharist and from the wonderful loving people there who have embraced me. And I will not get tangled up and dragged down by nasty politics and more human institutions. Christ founded the Church, certainly, but a lot of human hands have shaped it in ways that I'm not entirely happy about
There's a Buddhist...thing (sorry :-p) about a teacher who points out the moon to a student, and the student looks at the pointing hand instead of at the moon. So I'm going to be less that student, hopefully. I don't know right now where my loyalty to the Church (both as a human and divine institution) stands right now, but if I have God I think I'll do alright
I'm not self-describing as feminist because I feel like the gender at large needs a boost really (even though sometimes I feel like it does); I'm calling myself a feminist because I personally have become so fucking strong and confident and capable, and for women to want to interact within society in such a way has been labeled feminism. I really just want to live the way I choose to live, without the baggage of gender expectations. Reasonable, yeah?
But with the Catholic church comes a shit-ton of gender expectations, and women's are...underwhelming. Very traditional, very domestic, and even the places where we are allowed to serve (extraordinary ministers or teaching classes and so on), I sort of resent because I feel like it's something that "they're" letting us do. Screw that
And an even bigger concern than the Church is God...Himself. See? Tonight I came home and sat down and tried to conceptualize a God who was adequately female as well as male. Or really, who transcended gender because God is so great and so other, but I'm not sure I'm conceptually ready yet to move beyond personification which necessitates some label of gender. Jesus is most definitely male, at least, and nobody pays any attention to the Holy Spirit really (Sorry HS). One would think, with all the...diversity that the Trinity allows, there would be a tiny bit of space for some feminine presence. But nobody ever talks about the Trinity in any sort of feminine terms
My church still makes me happy, I still feel at peace and connected to God through my faith. So I think that's what I have to look to. I made up my mind when I was...discerning Catholicism, that I wasn't joining for their positions on social issues and therefore don't feel too bad for disregarding most of them. So it'll have to be the same way for feminism. I'm going to draw strength from the Mass and from the Eucharist and from the wonderful loving people there who have embraced me. And I will not get tangled up and dragged down by nasty politics and more human institutions. Christ founded the Church, certainly, but a lot of human hands have shaped it in ways that I'm not entirely happy about
There's a Buddhist...thing (sorry :-p) about a teacher who points out the moon to a student, and the student looks at the pointing hand instead of at the moon. So I'm going to be less that student, hopefully. I don't know right now where my loyalty to the Church (both as a human and divine institution) stands right now, but if I have God I think I'll do alright