open apology
So.
It's been a great few days, I am as depressed as all hell and just cant end the whole destructive spiral. Fell in love with this guy, iv only met him a couple of times but he is a really nice guy. My type too. Problem is, he is interested in another guy. Wants friendship which I would like too but it is not what I ultimately want to try and make from it. I guess I should be happy with that but seeing his FB posts of how he likes this other guy is heartbreaking.
It is great. Other arsehole who seemed interested in me 3 months ago is still trying to string me along. I told him to take a hike and i feel bad for it. He is sweet, just, unreliable and a pain sometimes. Ok, a pain most of the time. Well, whatever.
Anyway, thats the life story to date.
It doesn't help with the one thing that I still regret to this day. My last post mentioned the fight between me and Ana. Showing how fantastically I can set fire to bridges, I think if friendships were countries, I was America and I just nuked the living shit out of Tasmania.
I singlehandedly demolished that friendship. There have been so many things that have happened in my life in the past 2 years. I have regrets but to be honest the thing that I regret the most, the thing that I would do anything to reverse, is fuck up the friendship I had with Ariane.
I apologise for all the following things that I did to her...
- For the rude gestures, comments and words expressed about her relationship, in private, public and on public forums.
- The mess I caused after her party the night I met my ex
- Off again on again fights we had between each other
- that time we had a fight in the car and i threw her out of my car
- every single time i was late to pick her up for the gym or otherwise
- any times i was drunk and a total toolbag
- basically anything else that hurt her and i was unable to mention here.
Ariane is, was, a great person, she introduced me to my ex, greg (despite the end result, i was happy for the experience), helped me when i was getting over my ex, she convinced me and influenced me in many ways including making me a more sociable person, opening me up to the world and the gay community, had a big influence on me making my choice to go to uni and further myself.
Ana was there to help me come out as a gay man, bringing me to my first pride (we ate donuts outside gloria jeans in midland, then trained to perth, saw sam kennedy, went and joined the parade and she took a photo of me with some random guy in what looked like a peacock outfit).
she has been there for so many things that I cannot even begin to describe, despite her calling herself shy, she is the most outgoing and social person i ever knew. ana was an important person, i pretty much demolished that friendship and feel like an absolute see you next tuesday. from what i did, i have no expectations of forgiveness. i really hope she is going well at her studies. i really want to talk to her again. fix what i fucked up. i doubt she would feel the same way though.
that has pretty much been eating me up inside since i destroyed that friendship almost a year ago. it still hurts to know what i did to cause it. i fucked up.
so. i suppose that let it all out.
thanks interwebz, you were little help in this.
*EDIT*: and i miss steak night with ariane at the woodbridge tavern. we were awesome like that.
It's been a great few days, I am as depressed as all hell and just cant end the whole destructive spiral. Fell in love with this guy, iv only met him a couple of times but he is a really nice guy. My type too. Problem is, he is interested in another guy. Wants friendship which I would like too but it is not what I ultimately want to try and make from it. I guess I should be happy with that but seeing his FB posts of how he likes this other guy is heartbreaking.
It is great. Other arsehole who seemed interested in me 3 months ago is still trying to string me along. I told him to take a hike and i feel bad for it. He is sweet, just, unreliable and a pain sometimes. Ok, a pain most of the time. Well, whatever.
Anyway, thats the life story to date.
It doesn't help with the one thing that I still regret to this day. My last post mentioned the fight between me and Ana. Showing how fantastically I can set fire to bridges, I think if friendships were countries, I was America and I just nuked the living shit out of Tasmania.
I singlehandedly demolished that friendship. There have been so many things that have happened in my life in the past 2 years. I have regrets but to be honest the thing that I regret the most, the thing that I would do anything to reverse, is fuck up the friendship I had with Ariane.
I apologise for all the following things that I did to her...
- For the rude gestures, comments and words expressed about her relationship, in private, public and on public forums.
- The mess I caused after her party the night I met my ex
- Off again on again fights we had between each other
- that time we had a fight in the car and i threw her out of my car
- every single time i was late to pick her up for the gym or otherwise
- any times i was drunk and a total toolbag
- basically anything else that hurt her and i was unable to mention here.
Ariane is, was, a great person, she introduced me to my ex, greg (despite the end result, i was happy for the experience), helped me when i was getting over my ex, she convinced me and influenced me in many ways including making me a more sociable person, opening me up to the world and the gay community, had a big influence on me making my choice to go to uni and further myself.
Ana was there to help me come out as a gay man, bringing me to my first pride (we ate donuts outside gloria jeans in midland, then trained to perth, saw sam kennedy, went and joined the parade and she took a photo of me with some random guy in what looked like a peacock outfit).
she has been there for so many things that I cannot even begin to describe, despite her calling herself shy, she is the most outgoing and social person i ever knew. ana was an important person, i pretty much demolished that friendship and feel like an absolute see you next tuesday. from what i did, i have no expectations of forgiveness. i really hope she is going well at her studies. i really want to talk to her again. fix what i fucked up. i doubt she would feel the same way though.
that has pretty much been eating me up inside since i destroyed that friendship almost a year ago. it still hurts to know what i did to cause it. i fucked up.
so. i suppose that let it all out.
thanks interwebz, you were little help in this.
*EDIT*: and i miss steak night with ariane at the woodbridge tavern. we were awesome like that.