So
I’m in Reno. I picked up a hitchhiker and he asked where I was going and I said I don’t know and he said he had to get to Reno, so that’s where we went. Eight hours with a stranger in a van can sound awkward, but we hit it off quickly. His name is Mark and he ran away from home in a similar situation when he was 20. He dropped out of Yale and went back home to a house that wanted him to do everything for him. So he said screw you one day to everybody and hitchhiked away. That was 3 years ago. He got to LA and found a job almost instantly and made a whole new life for himself. After a year he started talking to his family again. He wouldn’t have gone back, never took a penny from any of them, and was happy being out of their lives. But, now his mom is sick, so he wanted to go back up. He is “thumbing it” because his car just got stolen and he wanted an ironic re-entry into their lives. So I drove him up. As it turns out his family is freaking rich with a huge house and a boathouse and all kinds of cool cars and shit. They even offered to pay for repairs on the van for bringing him up there. But, I said no thanks, that all I wanted was a place to sleep and maybe some use of the Internet.
So, here I am, looking through old e-mails to myself and from others that have pictures of me so I can put them on my new myspace page. It’s hard because most of them have Danielle on them. But, I am taking Mark’s advice and not deleting all of the pictures of us, keeping a reminder of how good life was at one point, so I can make it that good again wherever I go. He said that’s what he did and now he is genuinely happy.
Tomorrow I plan on leaving this wonderful family and new friend to continue more eastward, headed toward the sunrise rather than the sunset, looking for new beginnings. I wish Danielle was with me every step of the way, but she won’t respond to my calls or e-mails or even consider talking to me because I was an ass. But, that’s ok, because a real new start means that she gets to have her new start, too. She is well on her way, with a new guy, a new job, a new apartment, but the same old friends (not really, she always makes friends really well). I’m on my way, too, looking for the new place in which I can start all over.
I’ve been pretty lucky with hitchhikers so tomorrow I think I’ll find another one and take him to wherever he may be headed. Maybe that is where I’ll stop. Or maybe I’ll head home. I can’t decide. I’m really lonely, even with my new friends, and am afraid that driving away will make me worse. But, then again, returning and folding this late in the game may be even worse, especially with all the memories of the good times lingering everywhere I go at home. Memories of her, of a family working out their issues as best they can, of friends who would do almost anything for me at one time if I asked. Those memories scare me. They will make me even more depressed than if I just continue on. If there were some friendly arms to hold me back there I think I’d return. But I can’t think of anyone except maybe my sister. Thanks Stink for helping me out these past few weeks or month or whatever. When nobody else was there, you were. Thank you Dani, also, for giving me the kick I needed to leave. This is probably better for you because I won’t bother you any longer, I’ll let you live your life, just as you wanted. I won’t be there for you any more, which makes me sad, but it’s ok, because it’s what you wanted.
I’ll be in touch - Zac
So, here I am, looking through old e-mails to myself and from others that have pictures of me so I can put them on my new myspace page. It’s hard because most of them have Danielle on them. But, I am taking Mark’s advice and not deleting all of the pictures of us, keeping a reminder of how good life was at one point, so I can make it that good again wherever I go. He said that’s what he did and now he is genuinely happy.
Tomorrow I plan on leaving this wonderful family and new friend to continue more eastward, headed toward the sunrise rather than the sunset, looking for new beginnings. I wish Danielle was with me every step of the way, but she won’t respond to my calls or e-mails or even consider talking to me because I was an ass. But, that’s ok, because a real new start means that she gets to have her new start, too. She is well on her way, with a new guy, a new job, a new apartment, but the same old friends (not really, she always makes friends really well). I’m on my way, too, looking for the new place in which I can start all over.
I’ve been pretty lucky with hitchhikers so tomorrow I think I’ll find another one and take him to wherever he may be headed. Maybe that is where I’ll stop. Or maybe I’ll head home. I can’t decide. I’m really lonely, even with my new friends, and am afraid that driving away will make me worse. But, then again, returning and folding this late in the game may be even worse, especially with all the memories of the good times lingering everywhere I go at home. Memories of her, of a family working out their issues as best they can, of friends who would do almost anything for me at one time if I asked. Those memories scare me. They will make me even more depressed than if I just continue on. If there were some friendly arms to hold me back there I think I’d return. But I can’t think of anyone except maybe my sister. Thanks Stink for helping me out these past few weeks or month or whatever. When nobody else was there, you were. Thank you Dani, also, for giving me the kick I needed to leave. This is probably better for you because I won’t bother you any longer, I’ll let you live your life, just as you wanted. I won’t be there for you any more, which makes me sad, but it’s ok, because it’s what you wanted.
I’ll be in touch - Zac