New year confessions
So alot has happend to me this past year has'nt it. I ended my marriage I dated a loser and I screwed up the relationships I had with the most important people to me. I spent new years with my babies and just stared at them so in depth. They have come such a long way from the little babies that fit in my hand all connected to tubes and needles laying in there little incubators so fragile and helpless to the world. Kadens no longer the fragile baby who had to be crared for and watched like a hawk for fear of him dying on me. Hes now a vibrant outgoing lovable boy. Its so cute to watch him with his sister and see how protective he is of her even though they fight like crazy every now and then. You'd never guess that little Choloe was the one taking care of him all that time but shes become such a little nurturer she loves everyone and has the kindest heart that I pray she always stays that way no matter what happens to her when she grows up. I took them to the park and even though I was all banged up and bruised when I saw them play together and take turns playing on the slide and seeing kaden get all bossy to the other kids who were picking on choloe I looked at them and I felt alive. Like I had just awoken from a numbing sleep. It was at that moment I realized that no matter what was to come they were always gonna be the most perfect thing to ever happen to me. They don't care that Zac and I are not a couple They don't care that Nat is gonna be there step mom or that Nats having a baby with their daddy. To them its another playmate and Daddy is happy but they still know Zac loves them more than anything. They still run to me and yell Mama when I come home and they still come and kiss my tears away when I'm upset. It finally dawned on me that They don't care about any of that or Adam they just want there mommy back. *tears* I let my anger and resentment turn me into a bitter cold woman that even my kids feared. I vowed right then and there that this year I'm letting all of that go once and for all. I'm gonna accept that Zac and I were never meant to be he was more of my best friend than my romance. If anything that I'm in love with him for is because without him I would have never had my two angels to take care of me. Natalie deserves to be happy shes still the most beautiful person I know and I'm not gonna let my bitterness take away her smile. So to all the people I have managed to hurt with my anger I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart and I pray you forgive me. *wipes her face* I love you guys and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that you guys love me to and never wanted to hurt me. From now on things will be different I promise.
<3,Kate
<3,Kate