(no subject)
It's strange: I wake up every morning with a crushing feeling of depression that bubbles to the surface now and again throughout the day. By the time I go to bed, it's completely dissipated; when I wake up, it's fully returned.
I can't find the motive for it; it started before my job woes and before I missed a couple sertraline tablets. Sometimes I have really disturbing dreams that give me bad feelings when I wake up, but the dreams I remember lately aren't so bad.
I find myself just feeling disillusioned with everything for no apparent reason. I suppose that's clinical depression by the book, but I've never had it before. I had normal depression, brought on by years of turmoil and confusion and disappointment, that went away when things turned around for me. And my medication has successfully cleansed me of almost all traces of the anxiety disorder that once wrecked and ruled my life.
I feel like this is my old self from 2003-2006 poking through the surface, maybe trying to convince me that my life for the last year and a half has been a lie and that I'm still the same hopeless mess I was back then. But I don't believe that, and I don't want to revisit those days, despite how comfortable with and resigned to them I was during their time.
I can't find the motive for it; it started before my job woes and before I missed a couple sertraline tablets. Sometimes I have really disturbing dreams that give me bad feelings when I wake up, but the dreams I remember lately aren't so bad.
I find myself just feeling disillusioned with everything for no apparent reason. I suppose that's clinical depression by the book, but I've never had it before. I had normal depression, brought on by years of turmoil and confusion and disappointment, that went away when things turned around for me. And my medication has successfully cleansed me of almost all traces of the anxiety disorder that once wrecked and ruled my life.
I feel like this is my old self from 2003-2006 poking through the surface, maybe trying to convince me that my life for the last year and a half has been a lie and that I'm still the same hopeless mess I was back then. But I don't believe that, and I don't want to revisit those days, despite how comfortable with and resigned to them I was during their time.