It wouldn't have worked out anyway, so now it's just another lonely day...
This one's long...get out now:
"Wish there was something I could say or do. I can resist anything but a temptation from you. But I'd rather walk alone, then chase you around. I'd rather fall myself then let you drag me on down." -Ben Harper
This week, I sat in a room, in the dark, alone, not lying down or sleeping, just sitting, thinking, twice. I tell you this not to brag, in fact it's pretty pathetic.
I'm a pathetic person. I don't really enjoy anything (except being around my only 3 friends), hell, I don't even like flowers. I just don't get it---I wish I got it. In fact, I don't think I really like anything besides good human contact. And I haven't had that in longer than...well, I don't really know. I don't really know anything. Half the people I know look at me and have just absolutely no reason to talk to me. I can look at at least three people who I would have considered best friends within the last 2 years, and see people that want nothing to do with me.
As far as the subject goes, that's directed towards my feelings about Amy; b/c I give up. She'll never care about me, and if she does, she'll never show it, so all I get is treated like nothing. That is not to say it's on purpose, or maybe it is, I don't know. Either way, I'm done. I figured I might as well spend my nights being miserable instead of thinking about how good it would be with a girl who cringes at the sight of me.
And if Amy's pissed at me after reading this...eh. B/c it's not like we hang out, and I don't think she could possibly be colder to me, and if she gets pissed at least I'd see some sort of emotion in her, which would be a refreshing change. I figure this is a step forward, even if it confuses things for her, which, though I didn't mean to do, I'm not too concerned. She's confused my life pretty good for the last two years, and if history is a guide, she'll get over any feeling for me in about 35 seconds.
Now I'm going to disable comments for this post b/c I don't feel like hearing how I'm an asshole who sucks cocks or whatever other insult I'm sure to get. I know, I'm a dick. A huge asshole and I deserve to not have a girl or any friends. Believe me, I'm down on myself enough, and I'm sure O'Neill will probably make fun of me about this post, so I got it covered. One more for good measure? Sure:
Your a huge fucking dick and your a hypocrite(sp?) for disabling comments and what you said about your friends and Amy was so unfair and your wrong and I fucking hate you and everybody hates you and so on and so forth. I hope my own bashing of myself did enough to satisfy all the people I'm sure I've pissed off.
I still want you to have a good day, even, and maybe especially, if I'm not a part of it.
Edit 6/27/02-I've decided to open this one open to comments. I'd really appreciate nothing too insulting.
"Wish there was something I could say or do. I can resist anything but a temptation from you. But I'd rather walk alone, then chase you around. I'd rather fall myself then let you drag me on down." -Ben Harper
This week, I sat in a room, in the dark, alone, not lying down or sleeping, just sitting, thinking, twice. I tell you this not to brag, in fact it's pretty pathetic.
I'm a pathetic person. I don't really enjoy anything (except being around my only 3 friends), hell, I don't even like flowers. I just don't get it---I wish I got it. In fact, I don't think I really like anything besides good human contact. And I haven't had that in longer than...well, I don't really know. I don't really know anything. Half the people I know look at me and have just absolutely no reason to talk to me. I can look at at least three people who I would have considered best friends within the last 2 years, and see people that want nothing to do with me.
As far as the subject goes, that's directed towards my feelings about Amy; b/c I give up. She'll never care about me, and if she does, she'll never show it, so all I get is treated like nothing. That is not to say it's on purpose, or maybe it is, I don't know. Either way, I'm done. I figured I might as well spend my nights being miserable instead of thinking about how good it would be with a girl who cringes at the sight of me.
And if Amy's pissed at me after reading this...eh. B/c it's not like we hang out, and I don't think she could possibly be colder to me, and if she gets pissed at least I'd see some sort of emotion in her, which would be a refreshing change. I figure this is a step forward, even if it confuses things for her, which, though I didn't mean to do, I'm not too concerned. She's confused my life pretty good for the last two years, and if history is a guide, she'll get over any feeling for me in about 35 seconds.
Now I'm going to disable comments for this post b/c I don't feel like hearing how I'm an asshole who sucks cocks or whatever other insult I'm sure to get. I know, I'm a dick. A huge asshole and I deserve to not have a girl or any friends. Believe me, I'm down on myself enough, and I'm sure O'Neill will probably make fun of me about this post, so I got it covered. One more for good measure? Sure:
Your a huge fucking dick and your a hypocrite(sp?) for disabling comments and what you said about your friends and Amy was so unfair and your wrong and I fucking hate you and everybody hates you and so on and so forth. I hope my own bashing of myself did enough to satisfy all the people I'm sure I've pissed off.
I still want you to have a good day, even, and maybe especially, if I'm not a part of it.
Edit 6/27/02-I've decided to open this one open to comments. I'd really appreciate nothing too insulting.