Probably my last entry.
Riding on the Bart train to San Francisco yesterday, i was watching all the houses go by, and listening to the Mates of State. The song that was on when a thought struck me seemed fairly appropriate. It was almost as though I could envision myself sitting there on that train, like some sort of B-line piece of crap movie. But sitting there watching those houses go by made me realize that there's so much that's going on outside that little bart car i was in...although...in sitting there, i know nothing else but that bart car. I don't know what's going on in the big gray house with the white trimmings, or the small house with the purple siding and green trimmings...and this thought hit me with such force that...I almost didn't WANT to know...it was too much to take in...Who all's hurting? Who all's happy? For all i know, the little purple house could have had some small girl getting molested by her uncle...and the big grey house with the white trimmings could have someone standing on the balcony with their bedsheets tied around their neck preparing to jump off..."soon as i finish this note." It amazed me. But then i saw it from the other end...I saw these little kids bouncing around in their backyard, and they looked extatic...people are happy, too... and then a car drove by, and that person passed another car...each one of those people have different intentions and different places to go, different thoughts [if not running along the same line]...And i realized I didn't want to know. I wanted to stay in the Bart car, by myself, with the asian couple cuddling a few seats away. I wanted the houses to pass, and the music in my ears drown out everything else but my own existence. So pretty much...from now on...I'm only going to really try and impact my DIRECT life....because that's all i can really do anyways...If i can't be a superhero and save that little girl or the person on the balcony, the least i want to do is be able to help someone near me. And that's all i need. NEAR ME. because that's all i see...so, i guess....that's all there is.