To the guy
I can hardly call you the new guy in my life, now can I? We've been friends for over two years now. It was only when I decided to leave our department that you made your feelings for me clear.
And now I only wish I was strong enough to walk away from you. You're not free. So after discovering our feelings for each other, we decided we would be 'just friends' instead of walking away. We haven't crossed the line, physically. You tell me you're a bad boyfriend, you're long distance and you don't talk to her everyday or share common interests.
and all the while you fucking love me. You care for me like no one ever has. You insist, every time we hang out, that I let you know when I get home. You pay for everything we do together. You make sure my car is safe. You got so angry when I told you about the hitchhiker I picked up, made me promise again and again to never put myself in danger like that. We talk every day without fail, as much as my work schedule can accommodate. I know you go to bed at 9 during the week. If we don't see each other at least once a week, you start to miss me like crazy. I miss you too.
You are perfect for me. I don't understand why we were given this chance to know each other, and only be allowed to be friends. I know the best relationships start out as friends, but I don't think we'll ever be anything else. And that means I'm left waiting for the day that one of us decides this is too hard, it hurts more than it helps.
I don't want to be your friend. I want more, I want all that you wish you could give me. But I want it without your guilt, without your shame. And I think that means, if I would ever have that chance, that I need to walk away now.
And now I only wish I was strong enough to walk away from you. You're not free. So after discovering our feelings for each other, we decided we would be 'just friends' instead of walking away. We haven't crossed the line, physically. You tell me you're a bad boyfriend, you're long distance and you don't talk to her everyday or share common interests.
and all the while you fucking love me. You care for me like no one ever has. You insist, every time we hang out, that I let you know when I get home. You pay for everything we do together. You make sure my car is safe. You got so angry when I told you about the hitchhiker I picked up, made me promise again and again to never put myself in danger like that. We talk every day without fail, as much as my work schedule can accommodate. I know you go to bed at 9 during the week. If we don't see each other at least once a week, you start to miss me like crazy. I miss you too.
You are perfect for me. I don't understand why we were given this chance to know each other, and only be allowed to be friends. I know the best relationships start out as friends, but I don't think we'll ever be anything else. And that means I'm left waiting for the day that one of us decides this is too hard, it hurts more than it helps.
I don't want to be your friend. I want more, I want all that you wish you could give me. But I want it without your guilt, without your shame. And I think that means, if I would ever have that chance, that I need to walk away now.