i want to be a timpanzee
yes...thats right...a timpanzee.
ugh last night sucked. me and brent were both in terrible moods and that pretty much set the tone for the whole night. its really hard when you have no money, and there is nothing to do in this town. My relationship with him can get so frustrating some times...we're not even allowed to cuddle. Regardless of whose house we're at, the only thing we can do is sit upright on the couch and watch television or a movie, or play a board game. Firstly, all three of those things are so boring. There is nothing on TV, and playing games every night loses its charm quickly. Brent's parents have made it very clear that going in his bedroom, even with the lights on and door open is strictly off limits. My mom hasn't said anything like that directly, but I know she doesn't like it, and I don't like being in my room anyway. There's no where to sit besides the bed, but siting on my bed is uncomfortable. And it's always a mess, so I don't like him in my room. And his parents are okay. I like his mom, but I feel like I'm awlays doing something wrong in front of her, like not being polite enough or stealing her little baby boy away or something. And his dad just makes fun of me or doesn't talk to me. Normally I like going to his house but lately I just feel like I'm under a microscope everywhere I go. Since like the week before prom, when our moms talked on the phone for over an hour about how they think we're doing stuff, and how sexi s so innappropriate, and how being alone together is inappropriate, and pretty much how our whole relationship is just inappropriate. I don't want to go to his house anymore, and I don't want to go here...I just want to be able to be alone with my boyfriend and cuddle with him. That's all I want...just to be able to lie on a couch and be held. But apparently that's too much. And then last night we couldn't think of anything to do, and he got mad at me because "i'm so indecisive"...whatever...I think I make most of the decisions as to what we're doing, and I normally have at least some idea of what we can do. But I guess not. We hang out so much...there's just nothing else that we can think of to do. And that brings me to my next point. We hang out all the time, and I love him to death, but I can see how much my relationship with him as pushed me away from my friends. I don't completely agree with all my friends opinions and actions. A lot of the time I get pretty annoyed with them. But they are still my friends. And just judging from their yearbook signatures in my yearbook and in everyone else's, I can tell that I've been lacking in time with them. I haven't had any memories with anyone this year...or at least none that they can remember. And everytime I ask anyone to hang out it's always "I can't". And since I don't smoke anymore except for like once in a blue moon, I feel like I have nothing in common with them. When I'm with them in a group I feel pressured to smoke, and I'm happy with my decision to not do it anymore. At Danielle's party I just felt so left out. Everyone spends so much time with eachother outside of school, and that's easy for them, cause their boyfriends are part of our group of friends. Brent refuses to smoke, and I don't really want to, and none of my friends are friends with Brent. I don't see Brent in school, so I want to hang out with him out of school. I love him, I love spending my time with him. And I feel torn between him and my friends...except my friends do things I don't really want to do anymore. So I don't spend anytime with them. And that's why I have no memories or good times shared with them anymore. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know them. Which I pretty much don't. Because I don't talk to anyone outside of school or see anyone outside of school, and no one else makes the effort to hang with me, which is why I know when I leave that's pretty much it for my friendships. After all they're pretty much dead now, and I see them everyday. The only reason we still talk is cause I see them everyday. And that's my story....I have to run to my neighbors house.
ugh last night sucked. me and brent were both in terrible moods and that pretty much set the tone for the whole night. its really hard when you have no money, and there is nothing to do in this town. My relationship with him can get so frustrating some times...we're not even allowed to cuddle. Regardless of whose house we're at, the only thing we can do is sit upright on the couch and watch television or a movie, or play a board game. Firstly, all three of those things are so boring. There is nothing on TV, and playing games every night loses its charm quickly. Brent's parents have made it very clear that going in his bedroom, even with the lights on and door open is strictly off limits. My mom hasn't said anything like that directly, but I know she doesn't like it, and I don't like being in my room anyway. There's no where to sit besides the bed, but siting on my bed is uncomfortable. And it's always a mess, so I don't like him in my room. And his parents are okay. I like his mom, but I feel like I'm awlays doing something wrong in front of her, like not being polite enough or stealing her little baby boy away or something. And his dad just makes fun of me or doesn't talk to me. Normally I like going to his house but lately I just feel like I'm under a microscope everywhere I go. Since like the week before prom, when our moms talked on the phone for over an hour about how they think we're doing stuff, and how sexi s so innappropriate, and how being alone together is inappropriate, and pretty much how our whole relationship is just inappropriate. I don't want to go to his house anymore, and I don't want to go here...I just want to be able to be alone with my boyfriend and cuddle with him. That's all I want...just to be able to lie on a couch and be held. But apparently that's too much. And then last night we couldn't think of anything to do, and he got mad at me because "i'm so indecisive"...whatever...I think I make most of the decisions as to what we're doing, and I normally have at least some idea of what we can do. But I guess not. We hang out so much...there's just nothing else that we can think of to do. And that brings me to my next point. We hang out all the time, and I love him to death, but I can see how much my relationship with him as pushed me away from my friends. I don't completely agree with all my friends opinions and actions. A lot of the time I get pretty annoyed with them. But they are still my friends. And just judging from their yearbook signatures in my yearbook and in everyone else's, I can tell that I've been lacking in time with them. I haven't had any memories with anyone this year...or at least none that they can remember. And everytime I ask anyone to hang out it's always "I can't". And since I don't smoke anymore except for like once in a blue moon, I feel like I have nothing in common with them. When I'm with them in a group I feel pressured to smoke, and I'm happy with my decision to not do it anymore. At Danielle's party I just felt so left out. Everyone spends so much time with eachother outside of school, and that's easy for them, cause their boyfriends are part of our group of friends. Brent refuses to smoke, and I don't really want to, and none of my friends are friends with Brent. I don't see Brent in school, so I want to hang out with him out of school. I love him, I love spending my time with him. And I feel torn between him and my friends...except my friends do things I don't really want to do anymore. So I don't spend anytime with them. And that's why I have no memories or good times shared with them anymore. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know them. Which I pretty much don't. Because I don't talk to anyone outside of school or see anyone outside of school, and no one else makes the effort to hang with me, which is why I know when I leave that's pretty much it for my friendships. After all they're pretty much dead now, and I see them everyday. The only reason we still talk is cause I see them everyday. And that's my story....I have to run to my neighbors house.