mental meanderings
So school has been kicking my ass, they really oughta call this fight or I'm about to be casualtized. Yeah, there are red lines under that word. Anyways, words have been happening over the past 24 hours, not just academic ones either, the hopefully poetic kind. Justification.
one.
Wake up to a pool of staggered lines of illumination across her face
the little drummer boy that was playing so loudly in your head last night has gone to bed
and whispered words so soft that you can’t remember what you heard
but you imagine that it’s for real for a minute
you imagine it could be something different
static screeching in your headspace is quieter
it’s the everyday sight of her
heart is bleeding but you’re not needing a bandage
just a cup of tea and a sandwich to fill it in
mescaline lithium plagiarism short sighted future
follow the forever landmarks into tomorrow without a tenseness
let go of me you say to yourself
and she holds on because she knows, I hope it doesn’t show
but somehow she always knows
and you always want to know her
the only thing you’ve ever wanted more you forgot
because it’s less than the best she’s better than all the rest that life has
we’ll never go west, she says
stay in the comfort of a comforter while body temperatures rise
and outside temperatures rise
and you’re surprised how little you’ve cried since you knew she was alive
she’s alive and you’re alive and life is
you hope the summer never ends, maybe it won’t ever start
---------
two.
he said that he would never understand
the reasons for glass coming from sand
scientific theories aside the cause and effect
burn out slow like a lingering cigarette
on lips willing to be cancerous
and he said that he would never understand
she waits to know the source of her regret
on the sidelines she knows treble clefs start the parade
underneath the tress she knows clouds open up and let out the rain
but inside her headspace she doesn’t know why
she stays awake and cries and cries and smile lines are formed
like some sort of government reform program on her mouth
even with pretense that will never make sense
and she waits to know the source of her regret
they wait, they stay
they pause and remain
and life becomes an out of body experience
I used to never have to think
---------
three.
the inside is reflected in a transparency
an image of containment, a feeling of restraint, and then
light flashes southwest heading home to a safe bet
I only ever meant to let you forget
but waste is remembered habit
and the smoke still fills our lungs
memory happens during a delayed blink, glitch
the inside is reflected on a transparency
waiting to react to something that has never happened
a remembered lyrics, an instant feeling of loss, and then
more waiting
paralyzed and bating; hook, line and sinking stomach feeling
the sounds, the lights, the lack of able feelings
surrounding my current want of coma
to be inside my headspace, dancing, kissing your face
the inside is reflected on a transparency
---------
four.
you can make me
you don’t have to make me
I always do
you can take me
you don’t have to take me
I always go
you can save me
you don’t have to save me
I always am
you can erase me
you don’t have to erase me
I was never here
one.
Wake up to a pool of staggered lines of illumination across her face
the little drummer boy that was playing so loudly in your head last night has gone to bed
and whispered words so soft that you can’t remember what you heard
but you imagine that it’s for real for a minute
you imagine it could be something different
static screeching in your headspace is quieter
it’s the everyday sight of her
heart is bleeding but you’re not needing a bandage
just a cup of tea and a sandwich to fill it in
mescaline lithium plagiarism short sighted future
follow the forever landmarks into tomorrow without a tenseness
let go of me you say to yourself
and she holds on because she knows, I hope it doesn’t show
but somehow she always knows
and you always want to know her
the only thing you’ve ever wanted more you forgot
because it’s less than the best she’s better than all the rest that life has
we’ll never go west, she says
stay in the comfort of a comforter while body temperatures rise
and outside temperatures rise
and you’re surprised how little you’ve cried since you knew she was alive
she’s alive and you’re alive and life is
you hope the summer never ends, maybe it won’t ever start
---------
two.
he said that he would never understand
the reasons for glass coming from sand
scientific theories aside the cause and effect
burn out slow like a lingering cigarette
on lips willing to be cancerous
and he said that he would never understand
she waits to know the source of her regret
on the sidelines she knows treble clefs start the parade
underneath the tress she knows clouds open up and let out the rain
but inside her headspace she doesn’t know why
she stays awake and cries and cries and smile lines are formed
like some sort of government reform program on her mouth
even with pretense that will never make sense
and she waits to know the source of her regret
they wait, they stay
they pause and remain
and life becomes an out of body experience
I used to never have to think
---------
three.
the inside is reflected in a transparency
an image of containment, a feeling of restraint, and then
light flashes southwest heading home to a safe bet
I only ever meant to let you forget
but waste is remembered habit
and the smoke still fills our lungs
memory happens during a delayed blink, glitch
the inside is reflected on a transparency
waiting to react to something that has never happened
a remembered lyrics, an instant feeling of loss, and then
more waiting
paralyzed and bating; hook, line and sinking stomach feeling
the sounds, the lights, the lack of able feelings
surrounding my current want of coma
to be inside my headspace, dancing, kissing your face
the inside is reflected on a transparency
---------
four.
you can make me
you don’t have to make me
I always do
you can take me
you don’t have to take me
I always go
you can save me
you don’t have to save me
I always am
you can erase me
you don’t have to erase me
I was never here