(no subject)
So life goes on... nearing aphelion. I think I'm ready to fall in love again. With the world, with myself, with the daily rhythms that churn and burn inside me, I'm finding a new bell tone of harmony.
I've forbidden myself to write about love interests in my diary. Not this journal but in my actual written diary, I do not allow myself to meander on the subject of romance whatsoever. I find I can think more clearly and concisely that way. I make lists. I set goals. I pretend that I am trapped in a windowless prison for hours on end.
I don't know how to situate my being anymore. I'm way too flamboyant on my facebook, to the concern of family and friends alike. I feel like I have a great many masks but I'm always wearing them at the wrong time.
How many times can I use the word I in a sentence? It's a trap that constantly constrains my thoughts. I want to develop a new language that better transcribes the mathematical poetry of existence.
Btw... Tonight I watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Its symbology reminds me of Demian by Herman Hesse. The initial song concerns the greek myth, (written about, I think, in Plato's Symosium,) how men and women were initially one sex and Zeus cut them in half with a lightning bolt... In Demian, the protagonist struggles to combine the male and female aspects of the divine. Abraxas- some kind of ancient male/female deity... which I frankly can't speak intelligently about.
So to all my friends out there... I may need to find a new sort of master privacy setting on my internet personae that allows me to express myself as clearly and deeply and honestly as I would like without offending my grandmothers and grandfathers or parents with young children. Maybe I just need to become a better person. If not better, then at least fuller, more well-rounded, more in touch with what I know about the universe to be true.
And sexuality. It is a subject over which all of my synapses trip. My tongue becomes tied. And there I am, human as the rest of us. I find my sexuality best expressed within the context of a diode.
I've forbidden myself to write about love interests in my diary. Not this journal but in my actual written diary, I do not allow myself to meander on the subject of romance whatsoever. I find I can think more clearly and concisely that way. I make lists. I set goals. I pretend that I am trapped in a windowless prison for hours on end.
I don't know how to situate my being anymore. I'm way too flamboyant on my facebook, to the concern of family and friends alike. I feel like I have a great many masks but I'm always wearing them at the wrong time.
How many times can I use the word I in a sentence? It's a trap that constantly constrains my thoughts. I want to develop a new language that better transcribes the mathematical poetry of existence.
Btw... Tonight I watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Its symbology reminds me of Demian by Herman Hesse. The initial song concerns the greek myth, (written about, I think, in Plato's Symosium,) how men and women were initially one sex and Zeus cut them in half with a lightning bolt... In Demian, the protagonist struggles to combine the male and female aspects of the divine. Abraxas- some kind of ancient male/female deity... which I frankly can't speak intelligently about.
So to all my friends out there... I may need to find a new sort of master privacy setting on my internet personae that allows me to express myself as clearly and deeply and honestly as I would like without offending my grandmothers and grandfathers or parents with young children. Maybe I just need to become a better person. If not better, then at least fuller, more well-rounded, more in touch with what I know about the universe to be true.
And sexuality. It is a subject over which all of my synapses trip. My tongue becomes tied. And there I am, human as the rest of us. I find my sexuality best expressed within the context of a diode.