Wreck-ception! Adventures in accidents!
"No, no, no, no, no! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" There is no doubt in my mind that those very words I screamed as I hurdled sideways down the highway pretty much sum up today. There is no better way to summarize it all accept for frightened exclamations and cursing, because, on this blizzardy, icy day in April I, Alexis, have gotten into my first car accident. I say that like I'm all proud of myself, but I'm not- aside from the fact I can now add another tale to my arsenal of horrifying car stories for the day I fall back on stand up comedy. That's probably the one good thing about all of this, actually: it sure makes for a good story.
It all began this morning, with me running late to get Shun and trying not to speed. I'd managed to reach Highlands Ranch with only a few minor slips, and was sure my impeccable luck would continue to keep me safe from the elements. But, you see, mother nature has a way of making your day horrible with the simplest of her gifts to man kind, and today, my gift happened to be a thin sheet of ice that was hidden cleverly below a blanket of snow, having claimed victims before I even happened upon it. You see, I was going a brisk 30 on the highway, being all safe and whatnot and keeping a good amount of distance between me and all the other screaming metal death traps around me- I was the very image of safe driving. But, one little tap on my breaks on a path of crafty ice became my undoing, and I panicked when, instead of stopping, my car continued to glide forward and, soon after, make a sharp 90 degree turn. It was here I began to shout, and I could only scream louder when I realized I was sliding quickly sideways toward the back of a truck parked on the side of the road.
There was a moment, somewhere between me taking a breath to continue screaming (like me yelling "no" would suddenly give me the miracle of traction) and the horrifying screech of two cars colliding together (which is the most terrifying sound, I have decided) that I came to grips with what was about to happen. I didn't like it, oh goodness no, but at that point, my body simply accepted the inevitable as I gripped my steering wheel and braced myself. I didn't even look around- I just stared forward and waited for the sickening crunch of my car taking it's first steps into becoming a broken, old piece of crap (as opposed to just being an old piece of crap).
I hardly remember the crash itself, I remember the rush of the impact and the noise, but somewhere down the line I'd thrown my car into park and had leaped out of my car, probably seconds after it all had happened. Whoever was in the truck the side of my car had just violated, I wasn't going to give them even a second to get a bad impression of me. I wanted whoever they were to know that I was sorry, and it involved me throwing myself into the highway and nearly get myself hit by oncoming traffic as I ran on ice to apologize. I wasn't even very far, and I was already running my own personal water works full blast. I expected them to be pretty pissed at me, and I was prepared for a lot of yelling and screaming- I was prepared for a lot of things, but I actually wasn't prepared to have hit the most pleasant people in the entire world.
They were a girl about my age and her mom, who had actually gotten into an accident moments before I cam sliding along to pound in the final nail to their truck's coffin. I immediately started blubbering my sorries the moment the door was opened before me, and to my surprise, they seemed completely fine with me having rear-ended them, and said that it was okay and they were glad no one had gotten hurt. Of course, I wasn't expecting this and somehow couldn't stop myself from continuing to cry and say that I was sorry, since I had prepared an entire routine expecting them to be exceptionally ticked at me. There was even a point where I crouched down into a ball, though I really don't remember what I said. I must have seemed pretty fucking hysterical, especially when I got into using my entire body to express my sorrow and my...well... hysteria. My car accident virginity had been finally been roughly, non consensually taken from me, at the time I felt it appropriate to act as if I'd lost my mind.
Also, to add to the horrible black comedy of it all, they were apparently on their way to the hospital when they'd gotten into their own wreck. I'm amazed they didn't use me as their scapegoat and unload on me.
Eventually, I managed to get half the mind to go find my phone and call someone- possibly for help. And who do I call? Not a parental figure, or anyone like that- no, I call Shun. Since I'd been driving to get him, I felt it was appropriate to call him first. That and, for some reason, I just wanted to call him instead of anyone else, as if it would console me. Well, it certainly gave him a fright, seeing as I immediately started bawling again the second he picked up, and cried about having gotten into an accident. I think I should really refrain from being so dramatic when telling Shun things about my car (See: "MY CAR IS MISSING!!!") because I certainly gave him a fright, and he assumed the wreck was worse off than it was. Kindly, her offered to have him and his mom come find me on the side of the highway and pick me up, and I gladly accepted. This, my friends, is where our story ventures into the realm of absurdity, because, while coming to rescue me from my crash, Shun and his mom got into a wreck of their own, making this a car accident caused by a completely separate, unrelated car accident. See what I mean when I say I could use this for a comedy routine?
Apparently, the area near the gates to their apartment complex were just as treacherous, and before they even got onto the street, the swerved and collided head-on with the apartment sign. Shun will probably tell the story better, if you ever happen upon him, since it happened to him, but their airbags deployed and the entire front bumper of their car got shoved back and under the car, from what I saw. And the way Shun braced himself, it's a miracle that he didn't punch himself in the face when it all happened.
Now, I was unaware of the fact this had happened, and took no notice to the fact that Shun tried to get a hold of me several times. It was all a matter of being distracted by my own troubles, I assume, but when I was finally able to back out from where I was (thankfully, my car was still able to drive despite having the left side of the... I guess you could call it... nose was completely crushed in)(And, in case you were wondering, the truck and all of its invincible glory came out with a little scratched paint. Little Mitsubishi used body slam! It does not effect enemy truck!) I checked my phone and the first thing I realized was that Sean had called, which was odd, so I called him back first. It seemed Shun had called Sean to have him call me, like having a different number phone me would make me pick up. I was still pretty hysterical, so most of what I shouted and sobbed as Sean was probably furious, confused, frightened gibberish, but I managed to get out of him that Shun had gotten into a car crash and that Sean didn't know where he was. I think the fact that Sean said he didn't know where Shun was made me flip out even more, and I'm sure I ended the call like a frustrated bitch.
Mind you I made this call and the call to Shun while I was driving. After I got into a car accident. I should thank my lucky stars I didn't bang up the rest of my car, emotionally distraught and distracted by trying to located my supposedly marooned boyfriend.
Of course, when I found out that he'd crashed near his apartment, I drove right there and ended up throwing myself into his arms and cried- as if I hadn't cried enough that morning. I'd broken down in front of strangers, now it was time to cry in the arms of the person I'm the most intimate with! There wasn't even any reason for me to cry- I mean, he was visibly okay, I'd crashed my car into the truck of saints and my car, despite having a nice, healthy ding in it, still ran like normal. I just wanted to cry, so I more than happily did just that.
We ended up skipping both of our first classes of the day to cuddle away the horrible morning the two of us had had, both of us trying to take the blame for the clusterfuck of awful that had transpired. And as much as it terrified me to drive again, I ended up deciding we at least catch the rest of our classes, and all day we pretty much told everyone we came across the epic(?) story of how our morning was turned upside down. And I more or less feared what would transpire between me and my parents- well, more just me and Terri, who practically disowns me for a few days when I forget to wash a single pot left behind in the sink. I was and am still pretty sure she will sacrifice me to the powers that be for having gotten into a car accident. She'd tear me a new one and ask if I was alright after the fact. Lucky me, though, she hadn't gotten back from her trip when I returned, so I pretty much just got a lecture from my dad about money (because that's all it boils down to with him) that lasted several hours while Wonder Pets played in the background (Wonder Pets, Wonder Pets, we found a way, to annoy you with our singing and to save the day~). I don't even know if he's told Terri, or if he's somehow planning to keep it a clever secret from her, like she won't notice the giant chunk missing off the front end of my car.
Part of me is hoping for a miracle, and she actually never does. Ever.
It all began this morning, with me running late to get Shun and trying not to speed. I'd managed to reach Highlands Ranch with only a few minor slips, and was sure my impeccable luck would continue to keep me safe from the elements. But, you see, mother nature has a way of making your day horrible with the simplest of her gifts to man kind, and today, my gift happened to be a thin sheet of ice that was hidden cleverly below a blanket of snow, having claimed victims before I even happened upon it. You see, I was going a brisk 30 on the highway, being all safe and whatnot and keeping a good amount of distance between me and all the other screaming metal death traps around me- I was the very image of safe driving. But, one little tap on my breaks on a path of crafty ice became my undoing, and I panicked when, instead of stopping, my car continued to glide forward and, soon after, make a sharp 90 degree turn. It was here I began to shout, and I could only scream louder when I realized I was sliding quickly sideways toward the back of a truck parked on the side of the road.
There was a moment, somewhere between me taking a breath to continue screaming (like me yelling "no" would suddenly give me the miracle of traction) and the horrifying screech of two cars colliding together (which is the most terrifying sound, I have decided) that I came to grips with what was about to happen. I didn't like it, oh goodness no, but at that point, my body simply accepted the inevitable as I gripped my steering wheel and braced myself. I didn't even look around- I just stared forward and waited for the sickening crunch of my car taking it's first steps into becoming a broken, old piece of crap (as opposed to just being an old piece of crap).
I hardly remember the crash itself, I remember the rush of the impact and the noise, but somewhere down the line I'd thrown my car into park and had leaped out of my car, probably seconds after it all had happened. Whoever was in the truck the side of my car had just violated, I wasn't going to give them even a second to get a bad impression of me. I wanted whoever they were to know that I was sorry, and it involved me throwing myself into the highway and nearly get myself hit by oncoming traffic as I ran on ice to apologize. I wasn't even very far, and I was already running my own personal water works full blast. I expected them to be pretty pissed at me, and I was prepared for a lot of yelling and screaming- I was prepared for a lot of things, but I actually wasn't prepared to have hit the most pleasant people in the entire world.
They were a girl about my age and her mom, who had actually gotten into an accident moments before I cam sliding along to pound in the final nail to their truck's coffin. I immediately started blubbering my sorries the moment the door was opened before me, and to my surprise, they seemed completely fine with me having rear-ended them, and said that it was okay and they were glad no one had gotten hurt. Of course, I wasn't expecting this and somehow couldn't stop myself from continuing to cry and say that I was sorry, since I had prepared an entire routine expecting them to be exceptionally ticked at me. There was even a point where I crouched down into a ball, though I really don't remember what I said. I must have seemed pretty fucking hysterical, especially when I got into using my entire body to express my sorrow and my...well... hysteria. My car accident virginity had been finally been roughly, non consensually taken from me, at the time I felt it appropriate to act as if I'd lost my mind.
Also, to add to the horrible black comedy of it all, they were apparently on their way to the hospital when they'd gotten into their own wreck. I'm amazed they didn't use me as their scapegoat and unload on me.
Eventually, I managed to get half the mind to go find my phone and call someone- possibly for help. And who do I call? Not a parental figure, or anyone like that- no, I call Shun. Since I'd been driving to get him, I felt it was appropriate to call him first. That and, for some reason, I just wanted to call him instead of anyone else, as if it would console me. Well, it certainly gave him a fright, seeing as I immediately started bawling again the second he picked up, and cried about having gotten into an accident. I think I should really refrain from being so dramatic when telling Shun things about my car (See: "MY CAR IS MISSING!!!") because I certainly gave him a fright, and he assumed the wreck was worse off than it was. Kindly, her offered to have him and his mom come find me on the side of the highway and pick me up, and I gladly accepted. This, my friends, is where our story ventures into the realm of absurdity, because, while coming to rescue me from my crash, Shun and his mom got into a wreck of their own, making this a car accident caused by a completely separate, unrelated car accident. See what I mean when I say I could use this for a comedy routine?
Apparently, the area near the gates to their apartment complex were just as treacherous, and before they even got onto the street, the swerved and collided head-on with the apartment sign. Shun will probably tell the story better, if you ever happen upon him, since it happened to him, but their airbags deployed and the entire front bumper of their car got shoved back and under the car, from what I saw. And the way Shun braced himself, it's a miracle that he didn't punch himself in the face when it all happened.
Now, I was unaware of the fact this had happened, and took no notice to the fact that Shun tried to get a hold of me several times. It was all a matter of being distracted by my own troubles, I assume, but when I was finally able to back out from where I was (thankfully, my car was still able to drive despite having the left side of the... I guess you could call it... nose was completely crushed in)(And, in case you were wondering, the truck and all of its invincible glory came out with a little scratched paint. Little Mitsubishi used body slam! It does not effect enemy truck!) I checked my phone and the first thing I realized was that Sean had called, which was odd, so I called him back first. It seemed Shun had called Sean to have him call me, like having a different number phone me would make me pick up. I was still pretty hysterical, so most of what I shouted and sobbed as Sean was probably furious, confused, frightened gibberish, but I managed to get out of him that Shun had gotten into a car crash and that Sean didn't know where he was. I think the fact that Sean said he didn't know where Shun was made me flip out even more, and I'm sure I ended the call like a frustrated bitch.
Mind you I made this call and the call to Shun while I was driving. After I got into a car accident. I should thank my lucky stars I didn't bang up the rest of my car, emotionally distraught and distracted by trying to located my supposedly marooned boyfriend.
Of course, when I found out that he'd crashed near his apartment, I drove right there and ended up throwing myself into his arms and cried- as if I hadn't cried enough that morning. I'd broken down in front of strangers, now it was time to cry in the arms of the person I'm the most intimate with! There wasn't even any reason for me to cry- I mean, he was visibly okay, I'd crashed my car into the truck of saints and my car, despite having a nice, healthy ding in it, still ran like normal. I just wanted to cry, so I more than happily did just that.
We ended up skipping both of our first classes of the day to cuddle away the horrible morning the two of us had had, both of us trying to take the blame for the clusterfuck of awful that had transpired. And as much as it terrified me to drive again, I ended up deciding we at least catch the rest of our classes, and all day we pretty much told everyone we came across the epic(?) story of how our morning was turned upside down. And I more or less feared what would transpire between me and my parents- well, more just me and Terri, who practically disowns me for a few days when I forget to wash a single pot left behind in the sink. I was and am still pretty sure she will sacrifice me to the powers that be for having gotten into a car accident. She'd tear me a new one and ask if I was alright after the fact. Lucky me, though, she hadn't gotten back from her trip when I returned, so I pretty much just got a lecture from my dad about money (because that's all it boils down to with him) that lasted several hours while Wonder Pets played in the background (Wonder Pets, Wonder Pets, we found a way, to annoy you with our singing and to save the day~). I don't even know if he's told Terri, or if he's somehow planning to keep it a clever secret from her, like she won't notice the giant chunk missing off the front end of my car.
Part of me is hoping for a miracle, and she actually never does. Ever.