I'm fucking done.
I thought we had learned this by now...
I don’t fucking like being plagiarized! Again, people think I’m being dramatic when I get upset over people stealing my work. I should be flattered people think my fics are good enough to be stolen!
Bitch. No. I should be flattered that people disrespect me enough to steal what I poured time and effort into? I should be flattered that people think they can use me to gain popularity? I should be flattered that people give no fucks about how I actually feel?
Writing used to be my way of dealing with stress. Now all it does is give me more stress.
I’m constantly being hounded about not posting ‘on time’. People whine to me when I post after their bed time. I live in fucking America. Most of you are in the Philippines, Vietnam, basically ASIA. Of fucking course I’m not going to be posting it at nine am.
And then we have the people who constantly sad face me when I don’t write out all the dirty little smut scenes. Um, we’re 67/68 chapters in and only one fucking chapter has been NC-17 - and all it was was a fucking blow job - where the fuck have you been? Sick Little Games was about the smut. It was about Sungmin and his whorish ways.
The Next Best Thing isn’t SLG. It’s the sequel. It’s progress. It’s Sungmin growing the fuck up and realizing what some of you can’t seem to grasp. Life is about more than a dick being shoved up an ass. Did you forget? He’s seventeen in the fic at the moment. Kyuhyun is sixteen. They shouldn’t be fucking each other every single chapter. What the fuck has society done to you all?
TNBT is about Sungmin behaving properly. He’s struggling to get his family life back together and have a real relationship with Kyuhyun. He has fucking issues and has finally realized that sex won’t solve those problems for him.
If it isn’t the ‘late’ updates or the lack of porn, it’s plagiarism. Seriously. You’re a dumbfuck if you think you can steal TNBT and get away with it. I have friends that are loyal friends. They tell me when stuff of mine gets stolen. Plus, this isn’t even me being cocky, but TNBT is one of the most-read KyuMin fics at the moment. (Only because it’s on-going and really long, I’m assuming, and everyone is waiting for the sex.) Why do you think you could steal it and get away with it?
I have enough going on in my life to be getting stressed out over something I used to love doing. I liked writing before everyone started reading my stuff. Not that I don’t appreciate most of you, but things were so much easier then. No one was ever breathing down my neck, demanding smut or the next chapter. There were maybe fifteen people that read it since the very beginning of SLG. Most of them stopped, but there are a few that have still stuck with me, and I love you guys very much.
I’m in my final year of high school right now. I spend my days teaching myself college-level courses, since I finished the high school ones last year and the year before. I help out my three younger siblings with their own school work on top of writing up the billion essays that my schooling requires. My dad works all the time, so I help my mom manage the house. I cook most days, I clean every day, I take care of my siblings when they get sick and fix the appliances/furniture every fucking time they break because no one else can.
But still, I take time out of my busy life to write 10,000+ words a week. Still I post fucking consistently, twice a week, for all of you.
I know it seems like I don’t do much, since I’m on Twitter and/or Tumblr often, but I’m pretty professional at multi-tasking. I can run a house and spazz via twitter about Sungmin and Ryeowook and everything else. I don’t normally like concerning people with what’s going on in my own life, but it’s gone fucking far enough.
I had people bitching about me going on a fucking vacation. There was my hiatus in October, when I went to Mexico and SM Town. I’m sooooo sorry that I didn’t drive to a place with wi-fi to post when I was enjoying what was possibly my last family vacation. I’m sorry that I didn’t spend hours writing during SM Town. I’m so fucking sorry that I don’t cater to your every fucking want and need.
And then I took a Christmas break. My fucking apologies for not writing instead of spending time with my grandmother and cousins whom I rarely get to see. I’m such a fucking horrible person for spending time with the one sister that has been there for me when everyone else abandoned me instead of writing and updating.
And then there was my vacation in the Philippines in February. I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry for allowing myself to relax and enjoy myself with my sister. I’m the lowest fucking lifeform on the planet for attempting to forget about all the shit that goes on at home instead of writing. I’m sorry that I had to fucking keep my parents from fighting in front of my youngest sister every day. I’m sorry I had to try and keep my dad from drinking, and then take care of him when he was wasted. I’m sorry that I had to take every fucking insult and hit my mom threw at me because she lashes at out me when my dad upsets her. I’m so so so fucking sorry that I held my sister when she was crying instead of writing.
I’m the most horrible author in the world, aren’t I?
I’m so fucking sick of it. All most people do anymore is take advantage of me. My own parents know that I’m a fucking obedient child that will throw her own future away just to keep this fucking family from falling apart. College was supposed to be my fucking escape. I was supposed to finally get out of this fucking hellhole. But my siblings are too young to take care of themselves without help from my parents. My dad works too much to take care of them, my mom is useless bitch who tries to turn the kids against my dad and me just because I don’t fucking sympathize with her. So instead of getting away, I’m going to a college near home. It’s like fifteen minutes away. Never mind that all these prestigious universities wanted me, or that school in the Philippines or Hawaii would be a dream come true. My family needs help, so I can’t fucking leave them.
And then there are some of you guys. You’ve grown so fucking accustomed to me updating twice a week (it used to be three times, remember that?) that you feel like I’ve committed a crime when I don’t post. You pretend to be my friend, but then you bitch about me behind my back. You fucking take what I write and claim it as your own. All most people do is fucking complain. There are a few people who are so thankful for when I update, and I love you guys for that. But there are people who see an update from me as something they expect in life. It’s become a constant to them.
You make me want to fucking quit.
Every fic in this journal is fucking locked. Not friend-locked. Locked so that only I can see it. Fics will be unlocked when life decides to be nicer to me.
Joining my community or adding me as a friend will NOT let you view SLG or TNBT. They have been fucking LOCKED so that only I can see them. There's no point in friending me or attempting to join my community if all you want is to read SLG and TNBT.
If anyone that saved my fic tries to be a dickhead and fucking repost them, I am done. If that happens, you can make up your own fucking ending to TNBT.
I'm not quitting. I'm taking a long break. TNBT will be finished one day.